


Love in a Whirlwind

by Mystrye



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Car Sex, D/s, Dancing, Dean - Freeform, Dirty Talk, Dom Sam, Dom!Sam, Double Penetration, Emotions, Episodes, F/M, Flashbacks, Hair-pulling, Impala, Kinky, Kinky sex, Lots of Sex, Love, Multi, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Plot, Poly, Poly Relationship, Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Relationship(s), Rough Sex, Sam - Freeform, Sensual Sex, Sex, Sex in the Impala, Shower Sex, Smut, Smutty goodness, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism, but also emotions, club, f/m - Freeform, in between episodes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-08-20 07:03:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 87,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8240404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrye/pseuds/Mystrye
Summary: Toni used to hunt with the Winchester brothers, she saw them through the apocalypse and beyond, but that was two years ago. She left with the intention of never seeing them again, how could she stay when sex with them wasn't just sex anymore? She refused to come between them. But when they showed up in the same town she was working a case in, she couldn't resist one more night with them. Can she walk away from them again? Or will she find her place by their sides? (Toni is an original character, not in any way related to the character seen in season 12).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins in between the episodes of Season 8.

I knew they were in the club before they even knew it was the right type of place to find me. I'd heard from the police officer I'd chatted up to get details about the string of murders that there were two FBI agents also looking into it. And of course, that meant they would be looking for me. 

I leaned against the bar to order another drink and I smirked to myself as they stationed themselves by the bar. Despite the loud beat of the music, I was close enough to hear their conversation. They didn't even notice me, but they were looking for a brunette. 

And to give them a certain amount of credit, up until two hours ago, I had been. I sipped my drink and peered at them from behind my new red hair. 

''I hate these places.'' The shorter one grumbled. 

''You didn't have to come.'' The taller one commented, looking out over the crowd. 

''Like hell, I didn't! She was here and we know her pattern, Sam.” 

The taller one, Sam, chuckled a little. ''Dancing at a club then fucking until she can't walk. I remember, Dean.''

Oh they remembered for sure. I remembered. Because for many years, it had been them I'd fucked. Still the best sex I'd ever had. I had to suppress a shiver at the memories of their hand on my body. The different ways the brothers had taken me. The times they'd shared my body. 

That had been before. Before I'd left. Before..... 

I finished my drink before I gave myself away. Oh, I knew they'd find me and I grinned as I thought of all the ways this night could end. 

I spun on my heel and disappeared into the crowd. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the music. I moved and gyrated to the beat, rubbing against the bodies on the dance floor. 

I let my eyes open and I found myself looking to where the boys had been. Surely they had seen me by now. My eyes locked with Dean's. His eyes were an intense heat that lit my blood on fire. He was leaning against the bar, unmoving, alone. 

I was confused for a moment until I felt a presence behind me. I wasn't short but even in the heels I wore, Sam towered over me. His hands found my hips and began to move to the music with me. His breath was hot on my neck and I could feel him, hard against my ass. 

My eyes remained locked on Dean's as he watched me dance with his brother. I made sure to give him a good show. My skirt was tight and clung to my curves. A halter neckline showed ample cleavage and the hem of my skirt barely covered my ass. 

I raised my arms and ran my hands over my front, making sure to graze my breasts before lifting up to tangle my hands in Sam's hair as he moved with me. I could hear him growl in my ear and I shivered. The thong I wore was certainly drenched at this point. 

Sam's hand moved from my hips down my stomach and yanked me hard back against him. I responded by grinding against him and shooting Dean another look, before spinning in his embrace. I easily hooked a leg around Sam's hip. His height meant that anyone who really looked could have seen up my skirt or the curve of my ass, but I didn't care. My goal was to drive them both as crazy I could. 

It had been years since I'd seen them. My own choice. But dammit I regretted that choice. I regretted leaving them and the ways they could make me feel. My body was making up for that now. I'd face the consequences tomorrow. 

Sam caught my hips again, easily sliding a leg between mine. We moved together, me grinding against the dark fabric of the jeans he wore. Fuck, if I wasn't careful I was going to work myself into an orgasm right there on the dance floor. 

I raised my eyes to Sam's and the dark look there further fanned the flames under my skin. My mind went back to the nights he and I had spent together. Dean was a passionate lover but fairly vanilla. When both brothers shared my bed, it was kinky but not much more than any other three some would be. But with Sam, oh the the things Sam and I would do. I still had the collar he had bought me. I would touch it on nights I remembered calling him Sir, and missed the rough, dominate way he would hold me down and take me. 

The dark look in his eyes now was the same look he'd give me when he wanted to spank my ass red before fucking me raw. I shivered from the look. He growled and dipped me low, like something I'd only seen in movies or on dancing reality shows. It caused my barely covered pussy to rub against his thigh and I moaned from the contact. 

He yanked me back up to him and tangled a large hand in my hair, pulling on the red strands. I gasped at the sensations. He dipped his head to my ear, his hot breath on my neck making me want to turn into a puddle. 

As this night had begun, I'd believed I held the upper hand, but I knew better now. I would always be at their mercy. 

''We leave now, or I'll fuck you here on the dance floor for everyone to see.'' he growled in my ear and my knee buckled. He caught me easily against him. ''Dean is already at the car.''

I could only nod. My brain not capable of speech right now. Sam set me on my feet and grabbed my hand. I followed him out if the club, wordlessly. The cool night air was freezing in my overheated skin. 

As soon as we walked out, the Chevy impala that was forever their constant companion, screeched to a halt in front of us. Dean didn't say a word as I slid into the front seat and Sam followed. 

The front seat wasn't big enough for three, so I found myself half on Sam's lap as Dean drove. Despite my ass's placement on Sam, I leaned over and latched my lips onto Dean's neck. He moaned and when my teeth nipped his ear as I slid my hand down to grope him through his jeans, I felt the Impala swerve a bit. 

I grinned then yelped when Sam landed a firm smack on my barely covered ass. His hand then slid around my butt cheek and found his knuckles grazed my soaked panties. A single finger slipped around the edge and dipped to tease my wetness. 

''Still such a wet little slut.'' I could barely hear Sam's whispered comment over the blood pounding in my ears.

The impala accelerated before swinging wide and coming to an abrupt halt. I barely hand the chance the acknowledge that we were parked at a motel before Dean was hauling me out of the car and throwing me over his shoulder. Sam darted in front of us and opened the door to the room before we got there. 

I was dumped unceremoniously on top on one of the Queen beds. I looked up at them, both brothers quickly shedding their jackets and shirts. Licking my lips, I took in the sight of them. They'd changed in the years since I'd seen them. Not much, but muscles were more defined, new scars decorated their skin. They were more grown up and it made me squirm even more under their gazes. 

I wasn't sure who was going to move first until Dean started climbing up the length of my body. His tongue traced along my leg, nipping the flesh of my inner thigh just to hear me squeak. 

He pushed the skirt of my dress up and over my hips before dragging my thing down my legs. His fingers lingered on my stilettos for a moment before clearly deciding to leave them on for now. He pushed my thighs apart as he climbed back onto the bed. I reached my hands out to touch him, running my hands through his hair and down his neck. He flashed me a quick smirk before ducking his head between my thighs. 

Fuck! I had nearly forgotten how good he was at that. I squirmed under him, my fingers gripping at his short brown hair as his tongue licked at my clit.

I opened my eyes as I felt a weight on the bed and looked up at Sam. He tangled his fingers into my hair and raised my head to his lips. He kissed me, slow at first before letting his passion loose. The Kiss deepened, his tongue slipping into my mouth, tasting me. Leaving one hand in Deans hair, I raised the other one to run nails over Sam's shoulder and arm. 

I moaned into Sam's mouth as Dean's tongue delved deeper and was soon joined by a single finger. I writhed between them. Sam's other hand found my breasts through my dress and I cried out as he twisted a nipple. A second finger joined the first and pistoned into me, driving me over the edge. I came, crying out into Sam's mouth, writhing under Dean. 

I whimpered a little when Dean pulled away. I heard him chuckle a little as he unhooked his belt, toed off his shoes and dropped his pants. He was back between my thighs then, spreading them even further as he lined himself up. His gaze on me was hot and full of lust as he gripped his cock.

Sam unfastened the top of my dress, pushing it down so my breasts were free. The fabric of my dress was a crumbled mess around my middle but I didn't care. Sam's teeth latched onto my nipple right as Dean slowly thrust into me. 

I couldn't tell if he was savoring the feel or trying to torture me. Either way, I writhed under the sensations. Eager for more. 

"Please." I whimpered. 

"Is the Princess begging, Sammy?" Dean's voice was gruff as he spoke. I could hear the humor mixed with lust in his voice. 

"I do believe she is. You'd better fuck her then." Sam didn't even look up. He latched onto my other nipple and kneaded the previous one in his hand. 

Dean didn't say anything else, just started to slowly move in and out of me. He gripped my hips and positioned me so he could thrust all the way in before slowly pulling back out. I could see him over Sam's head and I looked eyes with him. 

I held his gaze as he started to pick up the pace, finding a steady but faster rhythm that had me squirming, moaning, and gasping. He reached down and flicked his fingers over my clit and I let out a cry. 

Sam had moved to biting the flesh of my breasts, leaving little hickies on them. I couldn't reach Dean so my nails dug into the flesh of Sam's back and shoulder as Dean pumped in and out of me. 

Another flick over my clit had me screaming as I came, throwing my head back and arching under them. I felt my cunt clamp down around Dean as he pumped into me two more times before cumming inside me. 

I was still shaking and shivering from it that I didn't fully notice the brother's movement. Dean had moved out of the way while Sam finished undressing. The younger brother grabbed me by the hips and flipped me over. My ass was in the air before I really comprehended what was going on. But I could feel him behind me. The length of Sam's hard cock was hard to mistake. 

My hands gripped the sheets as he pushed into my cunt, slowly at first then all the way with one hard thrust. Despite the thorough fucking Dean had given me, I was still tight around Sam. He didn't give me time to adjust to his larger girth before he yanked my hips back to him. He pulled me back to him just as much as he pushed himself forward. 

My breasts dangled under me as I struggled to hold myself up with my arms. My nipples brushing against the sheets added to the sensation overload running through my body. 

The weight of the bed shifted again as Dean moved around me. Sam never stopped pounding me as Dean positioned his cock in my face. He was hard again and I could see the sheen of my juices still on him. 

There wasn't much I could do for angle or technique with Sam's rhythm so I focused on relaxing my throat and letting Deans cock slid into my mouth over and over. His grip on my hair was gentle but firm, keeping me in place so he could fuck my mouth and throat in time with his brother's thrusts. 

I gave myself over to the feeling of both of them. It had been so long. Why the fuck had I left them when this was a regular occurrence? Right now I couldn't remember. I didn't care about anything other than the way they were making me feel. 

Dean's grip tightened on my hair and I heard the low groan that told me he was close again. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked on him and was rewarded when he let out a holler. He came in my mouth, shooting cut down my throat and I swallowed it up. He pulled out and fell back against the headboard, his eyes dark as he tried to catch his breath. 

Sam reached up and grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back a bit. "Cum for me." he growled at me. 

And I did, I screamed as I came hard my body shaking from the force of it. I felt the younger brother grip my hips hard before slamming into my one more time and filling me with his cum. 

My body shivered and shuddered through the aftershocks of my orgasim. My brain muddled from the experience. I had forgotten, or just not let myself remember, that this is what I had left behind almost two years ago. 

At some point one of them moved me, finished taking off my shoes and dress and I fell asleep feeling very warm and content between the warm bodies of the Winchester brothers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Morning After  
> A bit of angst. A bit of story. And more sex!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing except my OC, Toni and my fantasies.   
> I hope you enjoy!

I awoke to the feeling of being very sore and very warm. I moved to stretch only to find two very warm male bodies on either side of me. I froze. Memories of the night before flooded my brain. Fuck what a night it had been. Reuniting with the Winchester's had been the best decision of my life. The sex had been beyond amazing. But what now? 

What did they want? What did I want? 

I'd left for a reason. Things had begun to get to serious. Id begun to have feelings. Serious ones that scared me. It had all stopped being sex. It wasn't just about the release of energy after a hunt. It wasn't just about having someone who knew what I did for a job. It wasn't about loneliness and sex anymore. Not for me. And even worse, I didn't want to choose. Couldn't choose. I was falling for both of them. And I knew that on the off chance either of them felt the same about me, I'd have to choose. Then the jealous would drive a wedge between the brothers. And I couldn't be the cause of that. So I had left. 

And for nearly two years, I had managed to stay ahead of them. I knew occasionally they were looking for me. But I had always skipped town, sometimes in the middle of a case, to avoid them. Knowing they would stay to finish the case, even if it meant loosing my trail for a while. 

Now I was sandwiched between them in a motel room that smelled very much like the sex marathon that had ensued a few hours before. 

I sighed and tested movement. The minute I moved my leg, Sam rolled over and slid an arm around my waist, solidifying the fact that i wasn't going to be able to escape the bed without waking either of them. 

I closed my eyes and let myself just enjoy the feeling of Sam's arm around my waist, pulling me close to his chest and Dean pressed against my back. 

 

When I woke again, the bed was empty and I was cold. An equally empty motel room greeted my eyes when I sat up and looked around. I could hear the water of the shower running but there was no sign of the other brother. If I wanted to slip away, this would be my chance. 

I bit my lip. Did I want to leave? Did I want to stay? It would be better to leave, no matter what I actually wanted. 

I flung back the covers and did my best to ignore the soreness in my muscles as I bent to find my clothes. I had my dress over my head on within a few seconds. My panties in one hand, and the straps of my heels in the other I started for the door just as it opened. 

Dean stood there with a bag of food in one hand and a tray of drinks in the other. He eyed me with an unreadable look. 

''Leaving, Toni?'' he said. I couldn't read his tone of voice either. Was he upset? Hurt? Expecting it? 

''I'm not sure I'm surprised. Given the way you left last tie. Were you going to leave a note or just disappear again? '' He continued as he moved into the room and put the food on the table, leaving the door open. 

I looked at it. I could dart out and probably be a good ways away before either of them caught up. “I called you.” I answered,closing the door before turning around. 

''Two weeks later.'' Sam emerged from the bathroom, a towel low on his hips. I had to fight not to ogle how good he looked. 

''I... '' 

''We thought something horrible had happened to you. You know that? Drove ourselves crazy over it. '' Dean continued. 

''I know, I'm sorry. I apologized when I called. '' My voice was weaker than I wanted. I really did feel bad for what I'd put them through. 

''But I was fine. Have been for the last two years.'' I continued. 

''So what now? '' Sam asked. ''Just going to disappear again? '' 

''I don't know.'' I answered honestly. 

Dean sat in the one chair and did his best to look like he didn't care. ''Why you leave in the first place, Princess?''

I looked back and forth between them. My heart ached. “It's like I told you when I called. You both are better off without me.''

''Bullshit!” The force of behind Dean's word was enough to make me take a step back. 

''What Dean means to say is, we are not better off without you. We need you.'' Sam said, seeming to be a bit more calm than this brother. Despite Sam's Dom leanings, Dean tended to be the hot head. I guess it made sense when I really thought about it. 

I could feel Dean's eyes burning into me like red hot pokers. ''You don't. Really. Trust me. Nothing good can come of me staying.'' I wouldn't cry dammit. I didn't want to cry in front of them. Then I wouldn't be able to leave. My heart wouldn't let me if I started to cry. 

My voice must of broke just enough because their demeanor changed in that instant. Worry replaced the anger, lust, and hurt that had filled their expressions before. 

''Princess, what's.... Tell us the truth. What made you leave. '' Dean didn't move closer, just leaned forward in the chair he sat in. Sam sat on the bed. They knew me too well. They couldn't coddle me now or I'd end up a blubbering mess… or leave. And I wasn’t even sure which it would be. 

I dropped the panties and shoes to the floor and ran my hands through my hair, looking at the wallpaper that decorated the room. It was hideous and starting to peel in places. The carpet was the type of brown that was designed to hide stains. I tried not to think of the beds as I tried to calm myself. No, lingering on the bed that still showed signs of the epic sex from the night before would not calm my emotions. 

When I felt like I had a handle on myself I spoke. ''I fell in love.'' My voice was so soft that I barely heard it myself. 

''Ah... '' It was Sam who spoke. ''Where is he now?''

I looked up sharply at that comment, barely understanding the words. Dean stood abruptly and stared out the window, his hands shoved in his pockets. 

''Where? What? Who??'' I stammered. 

Dean whirled around at faced me. ''The guy you left us for!'' He demanded. ''Where is he now?!''

I stared at him for several moments before I spoke. “I didn't leave you for anyone else.” I responded and was as greeted by a confused look on his face. 

“But you said…”

“I know what I said.” I raised a hand to his face. “And I meant it.... I didn't leave for love. I ran from it.” I looked past him to Sam who still sat on the bed behind Dean. 

“Why?” It was Sam who asked now. “I would have backed off.” 

I shook my head. “No, you don't understand. That wasn't it at all.''

Dean frowned again. “I would have, too. Anything to keep you with us.”

I sighed and shook my head again, dropping my hand I moved to stand between him. I took a deep breath before continuing. “No.” I bit my lip. “I didn't want either of you to back off. Don't you see?”

I looked back and forth between them, hoping they wouldn't make me have to spell it out for them. It didn't surprise me that it was Sam who got it first. 

''Both of us?'' He said simply. Dean frowned at us both. 

''Both of us, what?''

Sam stood then and took a few steps closer to me. ''You fell for us both, didn't you Toni?'' He loomed over me and I nodded meekly. They had a way of turning ass-kicking-hunter-Toni into meek-puddle-of-goo-Toni. 

It seemed to take Dean a few more moments to come around to the same conclusion. ''I still don't understand why you left, Toni.''

''UGH!'' I threw my hands up and walked away from them both. “Because I love you. Both of you. Do you not see how that's a problem?! Assuming the impossible that one or the other of you would return my feelings, I would just drive a wedge between you. Sure you share right now, when feelings aren't involved but what happens when you make me choose because one of you doesn't want to share anymore! When the Winchester's are fighting each other the world tends to go to shit! I wasn't going to be the cause of that. So I left.” I ranted. Words falling from my lips before I could really think them. 

The brothers looked at each other before looking back at me. Sam reached out and I shied away. He simply walked forward and pulled me to him anyway. I didn't fight that hard and soon sank into his embrace. I could feel Dean move closer as well. 

''You won't drive us apart.'' Sam said into my hair. 

“If anything, you hold us closer together.'' Dean added. 

I shook my head against Sam's chest. “That's ridiculous. It's only a matter of time before one of you gets jealous of the other. What then? You boys argue enough as it is!”

I could see Dean shrug a bit before reaching over and turning my chin so I was looking at him. “You said both right?”

I nodded. ''Which means you don't favor one over the other. Which means there wouldn't be reason to be jealous.'' He said in a matter of fact tone. "And like you said, we already argue all the time... Maybe you can help with that too."

Sam's hands ran up my back and I shivered. ''We need you with us, Toni. We survive without you, sure. But it's so much better when you are with us. And I don't know about Dean, but I know I've loved you for a long time, and I've never been jealous when you were with him.'' I looked up at Sam and saw the truth of his words in his eyes. 

''And I know that Sam gives you something I can't. '' Dean added in a low voice. ''Maybe it bothered me at first, but then I realized he wasn't hurting you... It was something you needed that I couldn't give you.'' I tingled a bit at the reference to the D/s relationship that Sam and I had had over the years. 

I looked between them both again. Part of me didn't want to believe this could be happening. It was too good to be true. The other part was screaming in elation. 

I reached out and took Dean's hand, pulling him close and kissing him. I nipped his lip a little as we parted and I turned to look at Sam. My hand still in Dean's, Sam devoured my mouth, one hand tangled in my hair. 

The towel around Sam's hips dropped as he moved backwards towards the bed. I grinned as I followed, pulling Dean along with me. 

Sam sat on the edge of the bed and I stepped between his legs. Dean pressed himself against my back, fingers quickly undoing the clasp of my halter top before his lips descended on my neck. Sam made quick work of the rest of the dress, sliding down my stomach, off my hips, and letting it pool on the floor at my feet. He ran his hands up my thighs, across my abdomen, and landed finally on my breasts. 

My breath was already coming in gasps when he latched onto my right nipple with his teeth, his other hand kneading my other breast at the same time. I let my head fall back against Dean's shoulder. He alternated between kisses and nipping down my neck while his hands wandered. His fingers ghosted down my sides and I shivered. 

Then worked me like this for what felt like forever but was probably only a few minutes. I could feel how wet I was. My pussy ached to be touched. Dean's cock was rock hard, straining against his jeans, pressed against my ass. While my view was blocked by Sam's head, I knew he would be hard and erect as well. 

I tangled a hand in Sam's hair and tugged a bit until he let go of the nipple he had been tasting. Both hands on his shoulders for leverage and balance, I straddled his hips. I grinned at the lust I saw in his eyes as I positioned myself properly then sank down on his thick cock. 

I moaned loudly and gripped his shoulders hard, my nails digging into his flesh. Fuck, I was sore from the night before. A flash of worry crossed Sam's face but I rushed forward and kissed him with all my passion. I felt Dean moving behind me. The sound of his zipper made me wiggle a little on Sam. 

Slowly I was able to sink all the way down on the younger brother. I pulled back from our kiss when I was fully seated and grinned at him. 

He nipped my lips a little. “You okay?" 

I rotated my hips a bit and we both moaned. "Better than." I answered.

Dean walked up behind me and ran his hand down my back and I shivered. His lips found my ear again. "You gonna ride him, Princess or just sit there?" his voice was low in my ear. 

"I..... " I had no words. I started to move, I rotated my hips and lifted up a bit to sink back down. I moaned at the feeling of Sam's cock moving inside me. I wobbled at the feeling, Dean grabbed hold of my waist. 

Sam tangled his hands in my hair and captured my mouth. His tongue slipped past my lips and dominated my mouth. Deans grip tightened as he directed my movements on his brother's cock. He lifted me up and then steadied me as I sank back down. 

I whimpered against Sam's mouth. His grip was tight on my hair. It was an amazing feeling. The brothers worked together and soon I was moaning and whimpering against Sam's mouth as pleasure pooled in my stomach. My nails bit into Sam's shoulders as my body sat on the verge of climax. Sam bit my lower lip and I screamed into his mouth. Dean slammed me down on his brother's cock and my body shook with the force of my orgasim. 

They held me between them for a moment as I shook. A moment later and what I assume was some sort of silent communication between brothers, I was flipped over onto my back. Sam held my legs in the air as he pounded into me. His pace was brutal as he drilled me into the mattress. A few moments later he came with a shout. He was still for a moment before carefully making sure I was fully settled on the bed. He bent and kissed me once more before moving to one side. 

Dean lay down beside me and gentle touched my face. "You still good?" He asked. 

I smiled at him. "Definitely." 

"Good. " he kissed me, soft and slow at first before letting the heat grow again. He trailed his hand over my heated flesh and goosebumps broke out over my skin. 

"Dean." I breathed against his lips. 

"Yea, Princess." he answered. 

"Make love to me?" the words sounded cliché to my ears, but they were no less true. I wanted him. My pussy was still sore from the night before and Sam's brutal fucking, but I still wanted Dean. I wanted to feel his hands on me. Wanted to feel his sensual touch. 

"As you wish." He grinned at me with his normal swagger before rolling over on top of me. He laid kisses down my throat and chest. One hand lifted my leg so it was hooked on his hip as he slowly entered me. 

I moaned and arched under him. My eyes fluttering closed as he slowly moved in and out of me. He braced himself with his hands on either side of my head as he worked to maintain his slow but steady pace. I squirmed under him, hips raising to meet him. More. I needed more. 

But he just grinned at me and kept the same rhythm. Pleasure built up in my stomach again. Dean knew exactly what what he was doing to me. Sam may like to torture me. Mix pain and pleasure. But Dean, he liked his slow, sensual torture that drove me wild. 

My nails dragged red marks down his back. I looked over to find Sam watching us intently, his hand on his cock, stroking it in time with Dean's movements. A strong hand gripped my chin. 

"look at me, Princess. Look at me as I fuck you." He said softly. "You can suck him off when we are done here."

His pace never faltered. I squirmed and moaned under him. He was keeping just out of reach of my climax. And he knew he was doing it. 

" Please." I begged. 

"Please what?" Dean asked. 

"I... Want... More. Faster Dean, please! Make me cum!" I nearly screamed. Later I would wonder if the people in the next room over could hear us, but right now I couldn't care less. 

"What do you think, Sam. Think she is ready?!" Dean asked his younger brother. 

I spared a glimpse at my other lover. He looked about ready to cum again himself. He stood, his hand never leaving his cock. "Yea..." he stopped with his cock right by my mouth. I watched them share a look right before Sam told me to open wide. 

I took him into my mouth while Dean's pace suddenly quickened. Sam's hand gripped my hair almost painfully tight. A hand flicked my clip, and I came screaming around Sam's dick. 

A chorus of cries echoed through the motel room as Dean sank deep into me and came while Sam's cum shot down my throat. I moaned and writhed between them as my body road out the pleasure of my orgasim. I was still shaking from the power of it several minutes later. Any touch on my skin had me shuddering again. 

For their part, the brothers found it hysterical. And I promised myself I'd make them pay for it somehow later. 

At some point, they got me into a shower and washed off the adventures of last night and this morning. Dean helped me wash and Sam was waiting with a towel when I was done. Wrapped in his warm and that of the towel I looked up at him. "I love you." 

"I love you too, Princess." He answered. 

I turned in Sam's embrace and held my hand out to Dean. He finished tucking a towel around his hips and took my hands. "I love you, Dean Winchester."

He grinned at me. "Love you, too. Glad we convinced you to stay.”

I chuckled at him. “Well, we will see about that." 

He started to look offended but I raised up on tiptoe and laid a peck on his lips. "Cmon. I gotta go get my stuff. Then we need to find something else to hunt!" 

They laughed and I smiled. I was home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think!  
> Please leave a comment and kudos if you liked it!  
> Im working on developing more of a story, with some more awesome sexy Winchester time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni catching up with the brothers.   
> And more smut... :D

Being back with the Winchester's was just like it had been before, but with more touching. Before, even though there was a lot of sex, there hadn't been touching or kissing outside of that. We had pretended we were platonic friends except when banging like bunny rabbits. Now things were different. 

 

Small smacks on my ass as I walked by, especially if I had been a smart ass. Light kisses as we passed while getting dressed in the morning. I found myself giving Sam neck rubs while he was at the computer for hours doing research on lore for the current case. And Dean liked to drop his arm over my shoulder while we sat in little diners for food. 

 

It had only been two weeks, when I found myself in the front seat of the impala with my legs stretched out across Dean's lap as I leaned against the door feeling the wind in my hair as we drove. Sam was asleep in the back seat. We'd just left a case where things had gotten really heated, between Dean and Sam, and I started to really worry about what had happened to them in the nearly two years I'd been away. 

 

Dean was quiet as he drove. We were headed back to the bunker that they'd told me about but had yet to see. It was night and we will had a ways to go. The boys had been silent for a while until Sam had fallen asleep. His soft snores were more noise than he'd made in hours. Dean hadn't made a noise either, even when I'd stretched out and slid my feet over his lap. He was completely focused on the road as 80s rock music played through the speakers. Except for the few times he had run a hand over my ankle and up my leg, he hadn't deviated at all. 

 

''So you wanna tell me what happened when I was gone?'' I asked. 

 

I wasn't sure he had heard me at first. His face never changed. But after a few long moments he opened his mouth and shut it a few times before finally speaking. 

 

''Why don't you ask Sam? '' 

 

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Because he's asleep and I'm asking you.''

 

He gripped the steering wheel harder and redoubled his focus on the road.

 

''It was a rough time, Toni. First Cas went nuts. Then Sammy. The Leviathans. Bobby. Purgatory.'' He sighed. ''Part of me is glad you weren't there. The thought of you in the middle of the Leviathan clusterfuck... I don't know how many times we almost didn't make it with those fuckers...''

 

''I heard about Bobby. I... Tried to call you but...'' I looked away. ''And I saw the TV reports of the Leviathans who looked like you... That... I almost came to find you then but I didn't want to distract you.''

 

He took a deep breath before he continued. "We finally found a way to defeat the Leviathans. But it meant that Cas and I ended up in Purgatory."

 

My eyes widened and I carefully moved my feet off his lap and sat up. Curling my feet under me as I moved to sit closer to him, my fingers finding their way to the nape of his neck. I found myself doing that, playing with the short hairs there whenever he was upset and I wanted to soothe him. 

 

"But Sam got you out." I said what I thought was the next logical part if the story but Dean was quiet again. "Right?" 

 

"No." Dean finally responded. "He didn't."

 

I frowned and tried to study Dean's face. "He didn't even look. Took our pact seriously and got out of the life. Found himself a dog and a girl."

 

Emotions rode through me as I thought on that. Sitting back on my heels I turned it over in my head. No wonder Dean was pissed. Hell, I'd be pissed. I was pissed. And jealousy hit me at the thought of the girl. Not only had Sam not gotten Dean out of Purgatory but he'd shacked up with someone who wasn't me. I mean, he had no idea where I was so I couldn't blame him too much, but it still hurt. I frowned at reached back to smack Sam upside the head. 

 

He jerked awake and jumped up a bit, slamming his head on the roof of the car. I proceeded to keep hitting him, his arms and chest. Not enough to hurt. But enough to get my point across. 

"Ow! Ow! Ow! What the fuck, Toni!?" Sam exclaimed before catching my hands. 

"You didn't look for him! And shacked up with a girl instead! What the hell!? Fucking asshole!" I yanked at my hands in his grasp. I wanted to hit him a few more times for good measure. I was vaguely aware that the car had stopped. 

"I take it you told her." Sam looked at his brother, who was struggling to hide a smirk. 

"She asked..."

 

"I did! Because I wanted to know why my boys were pissy with each other. I mean, gah! You fuckers are fine one minute then all mopey and distrusting the next. I didn't to know what happened." I continued. ''And you didn't tell me about the girl..."

 

Sam's eyes were dark as he looked at me. "You weren't there, Toni. I loved you and you left. Dean was gone. I stumbled into her." He explained. "Besides, I know you. I bet the string of guys you fucked after your hunts is pretty impressive..."

"But I never played house with them!" I growled. 

"You weren't bitchy when Dean played house with Lisa!" Sam bit back. And I felt the older brother stiffen at the name. We didn't mention Lisa or Ben... ever. Dean had made it very clear that the topic was off limits, but he didn't say anything.

"That's cause I was keeping your Soulless ass from getting in too much damn trouble." I refused to think about my time with Soulless Sam too much, it was a strained time for the both of us. "Besides, Dean and I had that argument years ago. This argument is different. This is about now... Did you love her? Do I need to worry about you leaving to be with her?"

I didn't want to know the answer. It scared me. My heart was just getting used to the idea of actually having this relationship. But I needed to know. I needed to go into this with two eyes open.

"Yes. I did love her. But not the way I loved... Love... You. I would have given anything for you to be there." Sam's voice cracked a bit. "My big brother was gone and I didn't know what to do. But you weren't there... And we'd searched for you for so long and I knew I wasn't going to find you on my own... So i gave up. I gave all of it up and let myself pretend to be normal for a bit." he finally let go of my hands and raised a hand to my cheek. 

"Dean and I... We have to rebuild a bit of our trust again. I failed him. But I won't do that again. And I won't fail you again. I love you, Toni." He leaned in and kissed me then. 

When he pulled back, I looked at Dean. "We gonna forgive him?" I asked. 

Dean grinned at me and I saw a swarm of emotions in his green eyes. "If you want to, Princess."

I leaned in to kiss him. His hands slipped over my waist and around to slid under my shirt and over my back. I felt Sam's hands in my hair as he moved to nuzzle my neck and I shuddered. Pulling back from the kiss I looked out at the empty road then back at the brothers I loved so much. 

"How much further to the bunker?" I breathed.

"Still a few hours." Dean answered, his breath hot against my skin. 

I pouted. I didn't want to wait that long. While the impala was big enough for two people to have sex, I wasn't sure a third would work very well. I started to pull away, telling myself I'd have to wait when Sam pulled me over the seat and into the back with him. 

I found myself pinned under him as his lips descended on mine. I was vaguely aware of the front door opening as Dean got out and opened the back door. 

Sam left my lips and traveled down my body, opening the door behind him to give more room. Dean reached over me to pull my shirt up so he could play with my breasts as his lips found mine. The angle was weird but I liked it. Sam worked the button of my jeans and slid them down over my hips. Hands caressed my body and I closed my eyes and arched between them. 

I cried out as Dean found my right nipple and pinched it between his fingers as Sam slid a finger into my wet cunt. Together they worked me into a frenzy. Dean on my breasts and Sam fingerings my cunt. 

I squirmed in the back seat of the Impala. Oh the things this car has seen. I reached out, one hand tangling in Sam's hair as he bent to add his tongue to the sensations that were driving me wild. The other reached to pull Dean closer. I was rewarded to a light bite on my neck from my normally very vanilla lover.

I pulled him back and licked my lips. "I want to taste you." I told him, my hand trying to find his belt. 

He chuckled and moved to undo his pants. "Anything you want, Princess."

His hard cook sprang from the confines of his jeans and I reached out to run my hand over the length of him. Sam, ever knowing what needed to be done, lifted my hips and flipped me over before moved me across the back seat. The new position put me at the perfect spot to take Dean into my mouth. I watched his hands clench the frame of the car. As I swirled my tongue around the head of his shift before sliding the length into my mouth. 

Behind me, I felt Sam moving. I barely had time to acknowledge what was happening before I felt him slide into me. I moaned around Dean's cock and could see him grip the car harder. No matter how wet I was, Sam would always stretch me wide. And it would take me several moments to adjust. And he rarely gave me the time to do it. And I loved it. 

I moaned and rocked back against him as he filled me. Once he was seated as far as he could go, he gave my ass a squeeze before pulling out again. 

We picked up a rhythm then. Sam drilling me from behind and Dean's cock moving in and out of my mouth. I forced my throat to relax, letting his cock go deeper down my throat. Soon he had one hand gripping the car frame and another tangled in my hair. 

They pushed me back and forth between them. Fucking me hard as I moaned between them. The drove me to orgasm over and over again and pounced me through my screams of pleasure. 

"Fuck,"Dean growled and his rhythm faltered. "I'm gonna come, Princess, ready to swallow?" I couldn't answer him, his cock blocking any words I could say. But that didn't matter. He gripped my head hair and shoved himself forward one more time before unloading his seed down my throat. 

Sam didn't stop moving until after Dean had removed himself from my mouth. Sam grabbed my hips harder and slammed my cunt. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked, using the leverage to fuck me harder. 

"Beg for it." I heard him say. My eyes went wide. He didn't usually use the Dom voice when Dean was participating. I looked at the older brother, his eyes were dark as he watched. 

 

"You heard him, Princess. Better start begging."

 

The words fell from my lips then. "Please, sir. Please..."

 

"Please what?" Sam growled at me. 

 

"Please, I... Want to cum around your cock, I want you to fuck me, fill me, cum inside me. Please, oh fuck!"

 

His pace was punishing as he pounded me. "Cum." he growled and I couldn't deny him. My body shook and spasmed as I came hard. He let out a growl and gripped my ass as he sank into me one more time, filling me, spilling himself inside my cunt. 

 

I couldn't move, my body wouldn't let me. Gently I felt someone move me,and her I opened my eyes I was half laying on Dean, with my legs over a very spent looking Sam. Dean played with my hair and smiled down at me, while Sam rested his head back against the seat and tried to catch his breath. 

 

I dozed off like that and when I awoke again, we were once again in the road. I'd been moved to the front seat with my head in Sam's lap and my feet across Dean's. All seemed right in my world in that moment. 

\----

The bunker was... Nice. I couldn't deny it. When the Winchester's had told me about it, I hadn't really known what to envision. Was it nice or a dank hole in the ground? Fortunately, it was nice. I giggled a little to myself as we had entered. 

''You boys always wanted a bat cave, didn't you?''

Dean shook his head but my smart mouth got a light smack on my ass from the younger brother. 

The bunker was actually really nice. With a library and a kitchen and showers. It was definitely a lot better than the dank motels I was used to. I grinned as I looked around. 

"This is a pretty sweet setup you have here." I commented. "I could get used to this."

Sam grinned and pointed down a hallway. "Bedrooms are down that if you want to pick one."

I bounced a little on my feet and started to walk that way before turning and walking backwards. "Nice, though, let's be honest. When am I gonna be sleeping in my own bed when I have such specimens awaiting me in other beds." I grinned and licked my lips. 

 

Dean laughed. "Be that as it may, I don't want all your clothes dirtying up my room and I know you're a mess. So you need a room for all your shit." He walked over to me and pulled me roughly against him. "So go choose, we have research to do before we finally break this place in."

I went up on tip toe to kiss him before slipping out of his embrace. I was halfway down the hall before I yelled back. "I totally plan to fuck in every room of this place, by the way! One of you had better help me with that goal."

If they responded I didn't hear. I quickly found Sam and Dean's rooms and choose an empty one next to Sam's and across from Dean's. It meant I would never be too far from either one. It made my heart flutter and my panties moisten. 

All I had dreamed about ever since I started hunting with the Winchester's was coming true. Sure I had fucked them both more times than I could count. But this was different and I couldn't keep the smile off my face. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> I would really like to know! 
> 
> I do my best to proofread but I don't have a Beta, so i hope any mistakes aren't too bad! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look back on how Toni met the Brothers.... especially Dean. 
> 
> Flashback takes place sometime in Season 3.

Several years ago... 

 

I spun around, my kukri whirling through the neck of the vampire closest to me. His head fell alongside his body. Two other vamps littered the floor. 

 

I panted a little as I tried to catch my breathe. Looking around, I searched the dark house for signs of any other vamps. Three seemed like too small a number. But small nests weren't unheard of. 

 

Quietly, I made my way out of the house. I needed to get the light fluid from the car so the bodies could be burned. I made it a point, no matter the monster, to burn the body. It tended to keep things dead. 

 

I exited the house and headed to the car. I would later berate myself for my stupidity. Why didn't I look around? So stupid. 

 

A vampire grabbed me from behind and hissed. He pulled at my hair and tried to go for my next. My arms were pinned so I lifted my legs and threw us off balance. I tumbled away from him and into a crouch. A second rushed me and I moved to block his attack. My kukri was out of my reach so I pulled my gun from the holster strapped to my leg. I got off one shot before the other vamp tackled me to the ground, pinning me beneath him. I struggled and brought my knee up to slam into his groin when suddenly his head was gone. 

 

I was showered in disgusting vamp blood. Gah! That just wasn't going to come out of this shirt and I was going to need a dozen showers. I pushed the vamp off me and looked up. Two men were standing there, both were looking around as if ready for another vamp to attack. 

 

Slowly I got to my feet. “Thanks but I had this.” I answered. 

 

“Clearly you didn't.” The shorter one, though he still towered over me, snapped. “What the hell do you think you are doing? Got a death wish?”

 

“Fuck you, whoever you are! I took out four blood suckered before you graced us with your presence. So stow your macho-hunter crap.” I growled at him, bending to grab my blade from the grass. 

 

“Look.” the taller one said, “We need to get this cleaned up before someone calls the cops and people start asking questions.”

 

I frowned at him. “One, we are so far out that no one is calling the police for a while. And two, who the fuck do you think you are?”

 

“I'm Sam and this is my brother, Dean.”

 

“Winchester?” I asked. I had heard Bobby talk about the Winchester brothers but had never had the opportunity to meet them. 

 

“Yea…” Dean responded, eyeing me warily. “Who are you?”

 

“Toni.” I replied and started to my car again. 

 

“You got a last name?” He asked. 

 

“Not one that matters.” I answered as I opened the trunk on my dodge charger. Uncaring that they could see I stripped off the disgusting blood soaked tank and pulled another one over my red bra. 

 

I returned to them a moment later with a can of gasoline in my hands. They were both looking at me but in the dark, I couldn't read their faces. “What you just gonna stand there all night or you gonna help me torch the place?" 

 

I really wanted to get this job done. I wanted to get out of here and find a place to work off the rest of the adrenaline in my blood. A place with music so loud that I could feel it in my bones and dance floor to forget my life on.

 

I worked quickly and quietly. The guys dragged the bodies into the old farm house and together we set it on fire. Calling the place a house was a bit of a stretch. We were in the middle of nowhere and the house looked like it was about to fall over the next time a storm it. It was better off being reduced to ash. 

 

Once the fire was good and raging, I turned and headed for my car. For the first time, I noticed their's sitting not too far away. A black classic Chevy Impala. Damn. 

 

“You came in that thing.” I looked over my shoulder at them. “Color me impressed.”

 

“She's my baby.” Dean replied, a note of proud in his voice. 

 

"Nice." I wanted to appreciate it. Wanted to run my hands over that gorgeous car, but I needed to go. Needed to before something happened I'd regret. I knew me after a hunt. Part of me was ready to jump them both right now. My skin hummed and my blood was hot. What could I say, hunting really turned me on. 

 

But I stayed away from male hunters just for that reason. I didn't need to complications of banging the dude who I was hunting with. That and they tended to go territorial and possessive. Then they would start demanding that I stop hunting. It was all just too much hassle. 

 

I opened the door to my charger. “Well it's been swell boys. See ya!" 

 

"Hey! Wait!" It was Sam who dashed over and leaned on the car a little. "We could get you some food. Make sure you end up where you are going safe." 

 

He was cute. I couldn't deny that. I would enjoy myself with him. Tons. I just wanted to climb him like a tree and ride him well into the morning, but I just smiled at him.

 

"You're sweet. But I doubt where I'm going, boys like you will want to follow. But thanks." I slid into the car and shut the door. I blew the boys a kiss before I started the engine and took off down the dirt road back to town. 

 

\--

 

There was no club in this little town. I'd have to drive two hours to get to the nearest one at that just wouldn't do. So I found myself a bar that was playing music and hoped to find some way to work the edge off of my hunter's high. Or someone. 

 

I was four drinks in and flirting with a cute southern boy who was trying to teach me to play pool. Of course I already knew how, but guys liked to feel like they were teaching a girl something. And it let me flirt effortlessly and also get a look at the goods before dragging him back to my hotel room.   
I was bent over the billiard table, about to take a shot when I heard Dean's voice. "Get lost." 

 

The guy behind me scowled when he looked up. “Fuck off, buddy. I was here first." He said and leaned back over to help me line up the shot. 

 

"And you're the first to leave." Dean growled. 

 

"What's it to you? You her boyfriend or something?" The guy stood then and I proceeded to ignore both of them and finish the shot. 

 

"Just better." Dean answered. 

 

The guy, obviously too many drinks in him, took a swing at the hunter. Dean easily caught the man's arm and spun him around, knocking the feet out from under the guy so he landed unceremoniously on his ass. Dean looked down at the poor guy. 

 

"I said get lost." He easily walked around the guy and towards me. I snorted a laugh as the poor guy scrambled off the floor and ran out of the bar. 

 

I leaned against the wall and lifted the beer to my lips. I'd changed out of the jeans I'd worn earlier in favor of a tiny denim skirt, fishnets, and cowboy boots. The tank top was the black one I'd changed into at the house. I'd let my brown hair down so it hung over my shoulders and I had thrown some makeup on. 

 

It wasn't my normal post hunt outfit. No, that tended to be skin tight dresses, plunging necklines and heels. But that sort of attire would get me a little too much attention at a bar like this.

 

I leaned against the wall and planted one boot on the brick behind me. I didn't say a word but eyed Dean, unsure of what he was doing here ruining my fun. 

 

"You weren't as hard to find as I thought. That red Dodge is a big giveaway. " He stated as he walked closer.

 

I shrugged. "The real question is why you decided to become my new stalker. And ruin my fun." 

 

"Fun?" He obviously was going to ignore the stalker comment. "You call that guy fun?" 

 

I lifted the beer to my lips again. "I'm sure he would have done the trick at least. Better than anything else in this bar, and I didn't feel like driving to another one." 

 

"The trick?" He raised an eyebrow. 

 

I flashed him a smirk and winked at him. "Indeed. Now I'll have to find someone else. Who knows how far I'm gonna have to drive to manage that!"

 

I pushed off the wall and moved to go past him to the door. I didn't get far, before I could blink, I'd been pushed back against the wall, Dean's hands on either side of my head. His face was mere centimeters away from mine. I could have easily gotten out from the position. A simple cleverly placed knee and a duck and I'd be out of there. But I didn't want to. No, I was horny and I needed a good lay. And if he was going to play, I'd play. 

 

"You don't have to go anywhere." His voice was low and it made my skin tingle. "I can do the trick for you."

 

"Oh? You think you can handle me?" I countered. My fingers trailed down his chest and teased at the waistband of his jeans. 

 

"I know I can." His lips hovered over mine, I could feel his breath against my skin. 

 

I nodded once, then he moved. His hand grabbed mine and I followed him out of the bar. We reached the impala and I found myself pinned against the passenger side. His lips were on mine then. He was gentle but firm, his lips sliding over mine with a hungry heat. I nipped his lip and he groaned and bucked his hips at me. I grinned into the Kiss, running my hands into his hair and hooking one leg over his hip. 

 

We moaned and ground against each other for a few more moments before he pulled back. "Where are you staying? Sam's back at our motel." he trailed kisses over my neck as he asked the questions. 

 

"Oh that could be fun!" I breathed out. 

 

He pulled me close in response, "No." 

 

I told him the name of the hotel and he flung open the car door and told me to get in. He rushed to the driver side and had the car in gear and speeding down the road in no time. 

 

I didn't help matters. I slid over to him as he drove, sliding my hand over the fabric of his jeans, groping him through the denim. He moaned and gripped the steering wheel tighter. I couldn't hide my grin as I nipped at his neck. Catching his earlobe between my teeth caused the car to swerve a little. 

 

We came to a sudden stop in front of the motel I was staying in. 

 

"Which?" was all he said. 

 

"103" I said before he kissed me again. He picked me up then. Arms wrapped around my waist and my legs wrapped around him. He walked us the short distance to my room. He pressed me against the door and I could feel how hard he was through the thin fabric of my panties. He dropped me on my feet and I spun to unlock the door. He was pressed against me again. His hands roved over my ass as he nuzzled my neck. 

 

My fingers fumbled for a moment but I managed to get the door open and we stumbled in.   
Dean kicked the door closed and shed his jacket, flannel, and pulled the back tshirt over his head. I followed suit, pulling the tank top over my head, leaving me in my red lace bra. I could feel the heat of his gaze on me second before he stepped close and pushed me back onto the bed. Starting with my neck, he trailed kisses down over my chest and stomach. His hands ran up my fishnet encased legs. I moaned when they traveled under my skirt and ghosted over my drenched panties. 

 

"Already so wet." he grinned. 

 

I chuckled a little. "Can't get anything past you." 

 

He rewarded my smart mouth with a nip on my hip bone. He made short work of my boots, skirt and fishnets, leaving me in just my bra and matching panties. 

 

I moved to sit up, I wanted him out of his jeans, but his hands stopped me. "Not yet, Princess."

 

I balked a little at the nickname but any thought of arguing fled my mind when he pushed aside my panties and sank a finger into my core. I moaned and writhed against his hand. He moved above me again, his mouth finding my nipple through the red lace. I had to touch him. My hands tangling in his hair, then trailing nails down his back, then back to his hair as I arched under him. He added another finger to my dripping can't, twisting and pistoning in and out of me. 

 

My orgasm took me by surprise. I cried out as I came, writhing under him, nails digging into his back a little. He kissed me again and didn't stop me when my hands reached for his belt. I fumbled with the belt buckle for a moment but soon had his jeans undone and pushed down his hips. I liked my lips and caught his cock in my hand. I moved to take him in my mouth when he stopped me. 

 

"Later." he groaned and pushed me back onto the bed. He stood for a moment, long enough to strip out of his clothes and slid my panties down my legs. He kissed and licked his way up my body and I squirmed. 

 

"Fucking hell, Dean. Fuck me!" 

 

He chuckled at me. "As you wish, Princess." 

 

He positioned himself and slowly slid into me. He knew exactly what he was doing, drawing it out. Letting me feel every inch of him filling me. It drove me wild. Most of my encounters were quick and dirty. This was different. And it was gloriously tortuous. 

 

He sank all the way into me and stayed there for a few moments, running his hands over my breasts, finally releasing them from my bra. 

 

I squirmed, desperate for more friction and he moaned. When he moved it was with languid thrusts. He drove me wild with it. He slid all the way out and then slowly back in. Gradually he picked up his pace and my hips moved to meet him each time. My nails trailed down his back as he kissed me. 

 

Our tongues dueled and I nipped at his lips. He moved to my neck, kissing and nipping as hips hips drove his cock in and out of me. I shuddered and cried out as another orgasim rolled through my body. He continued to move as I rode out my climax. Which was even hotter. 

 

He braced over me, I could feel his back muscles trembling and working as he fucked me. His face hovered over mine, so close but not touching. I could feel his breath on my skin as I tangled my hands in his short brown hair. Widening my legs to give him a better angle. 

 

"Fuck. I'm gonna cum." He moaned and his rhythm picked up, becoming a little more erratic. 

 

He reached between us and flicked my clit. I screamed as I came again. I arched against him as he thrust into me two more times before sinking all the way in with a yell. His back arched for a moment as he spurred his cum inside me. I squirmed under him as I rode out my orgasm. Fucking hell, so the Winchester did do the trick. 

 

\---

 

I woke to the sound of soft snoring. It took me a few moments to remember everything and my eyes flew open. Dean Winchester lay sound asleep in my bed. Or rather the motel bed I was calling mine for the last few days. Shit. Now I needed to sneak away before he woke. Stupid stupid stupid. I never let them fall asleep with me. 

 

I held my breath as I gingerly got off the bed and searched for my clothes. Hastily I got dressed and gathered my things. He was still snoring when I left the room.

 

Seeing the Impala I cursed. I'd left my car at the bar. "Fuck fuck fuckity fuck." 

 

I looked back the door and grinned. A few minutes later the Impala was roaring to life under my hands and I sped out of the motel parking lot, a note left on the motel table with my phone number. 

 

Great time.  
You really do the trick.   
See ya!   
Oh and don't worry, your car is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?   
> I need to know what you think! 
> 
>  
> 
> I do my best to proofread but I really need a Beta. :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting settled in the bunker and a little one on one time with Dom!Sam.

I'd taken a bit of pleasure rearranging the room I'd chosen and unpacking my things. How long had it been since I'd had a room that I didn't have to pay for? I shook my head and tried not to think too hard about it. I tried very hard to never think about the days before Fate had decided to drop me into the hunter life. 

 

I finished unpacking and headed out to find the showers. The Men of Letters certainly didn't anticipate that women might want to use the facilities and had failed to really offer any privacy. I'd have to fix that. 

 

I found a place for my soap and shampoo then setting up my Bluetooth speaker to play music before I stepped into the shower. I liked my music. Life was very dull without it, and it tended to drive the brothers nuts. Which to be fair, was probably why I liked it so much. 

 

I ducked under the water and started to wash away the road. The water pressure was amazing and I lost myself in the feel of it along with the sound of the music. I swayed my hips a little to the beat and proceeded to wash my hair. 

 

A sound suddenly startled me and I came around swinging. Strong hands caught my arm before I got to hit something, and Sam wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me hard against him.

 

"Gonna start with the shower, huh?" I teased. 

 

"Every room in the place." he growled in my ear before capturing my lips. He kissed me hungrily. Hands pulling at my hair as he pressed me against the cold tile of the shower wall. I returned my hunger with his own. 

 

Since reuniting with the Winchester's, we had fucked enough times that I was almost permanently sore from it. But every time had been the three of them. I had yet to be alone with one of the boys, for sex anyway. And for Sam, that meant he had been holding back every time. 

 

Dean knew about the kind of sex Sam and I enjoyed but preferred not to be a part of it. I loved Dean. He was passionate and sensual when it came to sex. However Sam was dominant and I was submissive, and I shivered at the mere thought of renewing that part of our relationship. 

 

One of his hands ran up my front, groping my breasts and twisting a nipple roughly in his fingers before putting slight pressure on my throat. I gasped, shivering again.

 

"Look at me, Toni." He said, pulling away from our kiss. His voice was low and dark. I knew that voice. It was his Dom voice. I opened my eyes and looked at him. 

 

"Good girl." he grinned at me wickedly. "Do you want this, Toni? You just came back. We don't have to. Only if you want to."

 

I stared at him for a long moment. Did I want this? Hell yes I wanted this! 

 

"I want this, Sam. I need this... Sir." I answered. 

 

His eyes darkened with lust at the word. "Good." His hand on my throat tightened a little as he kissed me again, hard and bruising, before pushing me to my knees. "Now show me how much you’ve missed this." He shoved his cock towards my face and with a tight grip in my hair, he guided my mouth around him. 

 

Water poured over my body as I sucked at Sam's cock. Although his grip in my hair never faltered, he let me set the pace at first. I sucked him, letting my tongue run along his length as I bobbed my head up and down his length.

 

"Look at me." 

 

I raised my eyes, looking at him as his hand tightened and he took more control of the pace. Bucking his hips, he started to fuck my face. And fuck it all, if I didn't love it. My fingers trailed down my body and I started to touch myself, putting pressure on my clit.

Roughly, he pulled away from me, my mouth slipping off him with a 'pop'. He pulled me to my feet by my hair, spinning me and pressing my front to the cold tile. His body pressed roughly against my back. His height and bulk dwarfed me, making me feel small and helpless. I knew it would only take one word and he would back off, stopping everything, but I didn't want it to stop. I liked feeling helpless for him. 

 

"Who said you could touch yourself?" He growled in my ear. "Did I say you could?" 

 

I shuddered and shook my head. "No, sir."

 

He yanked my hands above my head and held them there with one strong hand. "I should punish you." Sam's breath was hot against my neck and I whimpered a little under him. 

 

"I should turn this ass bright red until you can't sit properly   
tomorrow." He growled and grabbing a handful of my ass, he twisted a little and I made a noise somewhere between a moan and a cry. " You'll have to find some excuse to tell Dean as to why you won't be able to sit. But you like that don't you?" 

 

I whimpered again in response. 

 

"Answer me."

 

"Yes." I breathed. 

 

A sharp slap came on my right ass cheek. "Yes, what?" 

 

"Yes, Sir." I answered. Fuck, I was so wet, so hot. The water added to the sensations as another slap landed on my left cheek. 

 

"Good girl."

 

I proceeded to squirm and gasp under the onslaught of his 'punishment.' He alternated between sides, getting into a rhythm, before stopping for a moment. When I would start to relax, he would pick up again. 

 

I cried out when he suddenly stopped reaching between my legs. Two fingers slid into me easily and I came, screaming, from the mere contact. He chuckled low in my ear. 

 

"Keep that up and Dean will hear you. Do you want him to hear you being a little slut for me?"

 

I shivered once again. "Of course he knows you are a slut.” Sam continued. “But to learn that you just got off from me spanking your ass red? What would he think?" 

 

I struggled to find words and just as I opened my mouth again he removed his fingers giving a few more slaps on my ass. It burned. I didn't need to see my ass to know it was red. My asscheeks throbbed and I knew I wasn't going to sit tonight and probably not tomorrow. He had achieved his goal. But fucking hell, I didn't care though. 

 

He stopped abruptly and spun me. The cold tile against my red ass was enough to rip a cry from my throat. He hoisted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. The length of his cock pressed against my dripping cunt, and I moved my hips, needing him inside me. 

 

"Impatient are we?" He used the wall and his legs to hold me up more than his arms so that he could wrap a hand around my throat. He squeezed a little. "Beg for it."

 

And beg, I did. The words tumbled from my lips. "Please, sir. Fuck me. Please. I need it I need to feel you inside. Fuck me, sir, please!" 

 

He slammed into me in one thrust, stretching and filling me. It was pain and pleasure in the same package and I came again from it. I clutched at him and he held me against the wall by the force of his hips and the hand at my throat. He started a tortuous pace. Sliding all the way out and slamming back in hard enough I felt him hit my cervix. I gasped and moaned, closing my eyes as pleasure rolled through me. 

 

The hand around my throat tighten briefly. "Eyes open. I want you to watch me fuck you." His face was so close to mine, his eyes intent on my own. "You are mine."

 

His kiss was bruising but brief. "You may fuck my brother. You may love us both. But this you, this submissive slut. This you belongs to me, you understand?" 

 

I nodded. And he slammed into me again, rough enough to cause me to cry out. "Use your words." He growled. 

 

"Yes, sir. I'm yours." I breathed. 

 

"Good girl." His pace quickened until he was pounding into me so hard and fast I thought he might crack the tile behind me. I squirmed, moaning, and clinging to him like he was a lifeline. 

 

"Cum for me, Toni." And I did. I came screaming, crying out as my body exploded. I felt him thrust into me a few more times before he came, letting out a cry of his own before letting go of my throat. His teeth sank into my shoulder as he clutched me close. I felt him fill me, his body jerking against me. 

 

Slowly we sank to the floor of the shower. He cradled me in his lap, laying soft kisses along my neck and shoulder. I mewed a bit like a cat, holding on to him as I came down from it all. It took us a few moments before either of us could move. 

 

He slowly pulled me to my feet and kissed me softly. "I love you, Toni."

 

I smiled up at him." I love you, too, Sam."

 

We finally finished our shower. As Sam helped me wash since my legs kept wobbling a bit, my ass throbbed but I didn't care. I couldn't stop smiling. 

 

When we were done he wrapped me in a towel and pulled on a robe. He didn't let me walk back to my room, lifting me up into his arms instead, carrying me to my room, and laying me gently down in the bed. 

 

I grinned up at him. "I missed you."

 

He smiled at me." I missed you too." Sam kissed me gently again. "I should go find Dean. You come find us when you are ready, or catch some sleep."

 

I smiled as I snuggled into my new bed. "Will do."

He kissed me one more time before heading to find his brother. I was going to get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my wonderful new Beta Ms_Kardec !!! She has already helped me figure out so much about where I am going to take this story! 
> 
> I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we catch up with the episodes....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is enjoying this!   
> And a huge thank you to my BETA Ms_Kardec :D   
> I couldn't do this without her help!

I was furious. And scared. And furious. 

 

After meeting Kevin and learning about the demon tablet, Sam and Dean had decided to do these “Trials.” Hadn’t even really asked my opinion on the matter. Nope. They’d done their macho-masculine-brother-decision-making thing without consulting me. I’d tried to argue but still I found myself in the backseat of Baby as we drove to somewhere Montana and some ranch that struck oil ten years ago. The brother’s had come to the obvious conclusion that clearly someone there had made a deal with a crossroads demon for wealth and prosperity. And 10 years after a deal like that came one thing… 

 

A hellhound. 

 

We needed a hellhound so Dean could kill it and start the whole process. I had barely spoken to either of them the whole trip, despite their attempts to make conversation. Instead, I stuck my earbuds in my ears and turned up the music on my MP3 player, letting P!nk, Maroon 5, and Bruno Mars be my excuse not to talk to either of them. It also made me feel better that it was music Dean would never let play over Baby’s speakers. My own little musical rebellion in the form of Today’s Top 40 Pop Hits. 

 

Much like everything else in our lives, the task of finding a hellhound and gutting it, did not work out like we planned. But the best laid plans of mice and men and all that…   
Instead of Dean doing the deed, I watched in horror from where I had been thrown during the battle as Sam sliced open the hellhound and was covered with its blood. I would have nightmares about that moment for the rest of my life, I was sure of it. I don’t think it would have been any better to see Dean do it, but I had spent the last few days preparing me for that sight. I shook as Dean helped me to my feet before going to help Sam. 

 

Later, I was doing my best to ignore the argument that was going on in the other room while I showered. Sam had washed off the blood and guts, and Dean was waiting for me to finish before he took his turn. Before I had even turned the water on, I could hear them discussing the trials. I let the water run over me as I tried to come to grips with everything. I couldn’t get in the way of their arguments. They were brothers and they needed to sort things out on their own. If this was going to work, I couldn’t… just take sides between them. Not really. At least that was what I kept telling myself. In truth, I didn’t want either of them doing these trials. I was scared to death for both of them.

 

They weren’t arguing when I turned off the water and stepped out. Then I suddenly heard Sam cry out and I ran into the room. He was clutching his arm and trying not to look too troubled while Dean’s face was full of worry and I knew that Sam had completed the first trial. 

 

\--  
So I was once again quiet as we drove. Music blaring in my ears so loud I was sure they could hear it. But I didn’t care. Nervous energy made me antsy. I was furious and I was scared. And it was different from a normal hunt. But I needed to let out the adrenaline. 

 

I must have moved so fast as I yanked the buds out of my ears and sat up, leaning over the back of the front seat, because Dean swerved a little, clearly startled. Normally, I would have smiled. But I was too…. I don’t know what I was, but smiling wasn’t in the cards. 

 

“Where are we?” I asked. “Like next big city, or town, or whatever.”

 

Dean frowned at me before turning back to the road. It wasn’t quite night yet. The last rays from the sunset were still casting their reddish light on the landscape around us. “Um… I don’t know. Why?”

 

“She wants to dance.” Sam said from my right. 

 

“Bingo.” I answered.

 

Dean frowned again. “Why?”

 

“Because it’s what I do. Hunt, Dance, Bang. It’s kinda my thing. Remember?” I set my teeth, waiting for his argument. 

 

“But you only went dancing to find a guy to bang. Now you have us.” He answered and flashed me a suggestive smile. “I can pull over if you want.” He was trying to lighten the mood, but mostly it pissed me off.

 

Sam just shook his head. I had to admit he looked tired and a part of me felt bad that I was opting to delay him from his bed.

 

“Dean. That’s not why I went dancing. Or at least, not the only reason.” I responded. “I need to feel the music, the bass in my bones, and loose myself in it. It’s how I cope. So are you going to take me or do you just need to drop me off somewhere and I’ll find my own way?” 

 

His eyes narrowed at the thought and he grumbled to himself. 

 

“What was that?” I asked, maybe my tone was a little sharper than it should have been but I felt wound tighter than… well I don’t know what. But I felt like a piano wire about to snap or something. 

 

Dean looked past me towards Sam. “You good to go, or do we need to find you a motel room first?”

 

Sam shook his head. “I’m good.” He raised a hand to push the hair out of my hair and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Tell us where we are going, baby girl.” 

 

I finally let myself smile at his pet name. So similar to what he used during our play time, but so different. It was his way of differentiating between the two. But it made my heart flutter anyway and I kissed him back. 

 

Dean made a noise from the driver’s seat. “Sure you don’t just want me to pull over?”

 

I grinned and turned back to him. I moved over in the back seat until I was behind where he sat. I let my hands trace over his neck and down the front of his shirt, letting my nails lightly trail over his chest. Dipping my head so that my lips were right by his ear. “Humor me, Winchester, and when I’m done dancing I’ll forgive you for being an ass and let you ride mine.”

 

His eyes darkened as they caught my own in the rear view mirror and his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Alright, princess, where to?” He growled and I smiled knowing that I had won. Tomorrow, there would be conversations and I would worry about them then. Tonight I was going to dance with my lovers and then test both their stamina and mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think?!   
> I know this was a short chapter. The next one is longer, I promise!
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments! I need to know your thoughts!! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Flashback to Toni and Sam.  
> Takes place between seasons 3 and 4.

Flashback. 

 

I hadn't seen the Winchester's for six months after that night with Dean. He was just a one night stand. A fucking awesome one that I often recalled, especially while showering. However, I never intended to see him or his brother again. My hands were full with the sudden increase of demons causing havoc everywhere. Doing an exorcism was almost a second nature now: I knew the incantation so well I could recite it in my sleep. 

 

Rumor had it, something big was happening. Demons yelled at me about Lucifer and someone named Lilith, but I never let them chat for very long. It wasn't my style. Though maybe if I had paid a little more attention, I wouldn't have gotten myself in the mess I was in. 

 

What I had thought to be just a single demon causing havoc turned out to be a group of four of them. I was so fucked. There was no way I was walking away from this one. But that didn't mean I was gonna go easy. It was unlikely for me to get away, but with a sword coated in holy oil in one hand and a jug of holy water in the other, I spun at the closest one, slashing across his chest, hoping to make it. 

 

I didn’t get too far. Another demon caught me from behind, pinning my arms. I struggled against him vainly.. 

 

They were laughing until the warehouse’s door flew open. A small woman with dark hair rushed in and took on one of the demons. The tall man who followed her looked very familiar and it took me a moment to recognize him. It was none other than Sam Winchester. 

 

He held out his hand towards one of the demons, concentrating. I watched wide eyed as black smoke began to forcibly pour out of the demon's mouth. I shook myself out of my stunned state, and slammed my head back into the forehead of the demon behind me. 

 

He cursed, dropping me. I landed very unceremoniously on the floor. My head pounded as I struggled to my feet. I stared in awe as Sam got rid of the last demon and scanned the area for signs of more. 

 

"I think that was the last of them." The woman said. 

 

Sam finally turned his gaze to me, taking several moments to recognize me. "Toni?" 

 

"WOW, you remembered my name. Hot damn. " Even through the pain that was radiating in my body, I couldn't keep my smart mouth in check.

 

He snorted. "You took off in Dean's car and I had to listen to him bitch about it for a week. So yeah, I remember your name." 

 

I gave a weak smile and rested my hands on my thighs, bending over slightly to catch my breath and manage the pain. "Yeah? A whole week of bitching?" I answered. "Where is that whiney ass? I'm sure he's gonna wanna tear me a new one for the stunt."

 

Sam's face fell." Dean's dead."

 

I shot up straight, ignoring my protesting muscles. "What!? How? When?!" 

 

I never really expected to see Dean again, but knowledge that he was dead shook me to my core. 

 

" Right! Nice reunion here, but I don't think staying would be our smartest idea." The woman interrupted. I shot her a dirty look. 

 

"She's right. We need to get out of here before more show up." Sam begrudgingly agreed. I nodded and followed them out. 

 

The Impala was parked not too far from the warehouse, but opposite direction from my car. I rubbed my sore neck and looked at Sam. "I... I'm sorry about Dean, Sam." I said, pulling a pen from my back pocket. It was a stupid little thing from my dad but it had real silver filigree around it, so it came in handy and I kept it with me.   
I grabbed Sam's hand and scribbled my number of his palm. "If you ever want to talk." 

 

I raised up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for the assist." 

 

I wanted to stay. I didn't want to leave him there, and it broke my heart to force my feet to start walking. But the glare on the brunette’s face told me that I was very unwelcome. And Sam didn't seem to be arguing with her. 

 

When I got to my car, I sank into the seat behind the wheel and let myself cry. 

 

I cried for Dean, and I cried for Sam, and I cried for me. I cried until my tears were dried and I was just dry heaving. Then I drove to my motel room and cried some more. 

 

I rarely cried, convinced that strong independent women didn't do it. Hunters didn't cry. But mostly, I didn't let myself cry because once I started, it was hard for me to stop. 

 

So I was still crying in my motel room when my phone rang. The number was one I didn't recognize but I answered it anyway. 

 

"Hello? " I did my best to make my voice sound even. Unaffected. 

 

"Toni?" It was Sam. "Did I wake you?" 

 

I shook my head before remembering he couldn't see that through a phone. "No. I was just... Well... No, you didn't wake me."

 

"Good."

 

There was silence for a few moments on both ends. I dried my eyes and listened to the sound of his breathing. 

 

"I didn't think you'd actually call. " I finally said. "It looks like your girlfriend likes to keep you on a short leash." 

 

"She's not my girlfriend. " He answered. 

 

" Ah. So you ain't banging her?" I asked, laughing. 

 

I heard him sputter which only made me giggle more. "Relax, Sammy, I'm teasing."

 

He was quiet for a few more moments.  
"Only Dean called me Sammy."

 

I squeezed my eyes closed. His voice held so much pain. "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't know." 

 

"It's okay."

 

"It’s not. Nothing about loosing someone is okay." I answered. 

 

He was quiet again. 

 

" So, look. I usually go out dancing after a hunt. Or at least out for a drink. And we'll, even though I kinda botched this one, I really want that drink. So, if your girlfriend won't mind, wanna meet me for a drink?" I babbled. Words flowing from my lips without really thinking. "I mean, if you don't, I get it."

 

He was quiet again before he answered." Sure. "

 

We decided on the place and I smiled as it reminded me of the bar Dean had found me in six months ago. I'd thrown on Jean shorts over lace patterned tights and a Burgundy tank top with little studs along the neckline. Combat boots and my hair pulled into a high ponytail completed the look. I wasn't looking to get laid tonight so I really didn't care much what I looked like. I just wanted to drink too much and help out a friend. 

 

I may have only met Sam once before, and it may be a little weird that I had banged his, now dead, brother, but I didn't care. He was a hunter and so was I. I wanted to buy him a beer and toast to his brother. 

 

Sam was already at the bar, looking a little forlorn as he sat on one of the barstools. A little blonde was doing her best to chat him up and was missing the look of complete disinterest on his face. 

 

I pulled my tank top down a little so the sweep of my breasts peeked out of the neckline a little more than normal and walked up to the bar. I stepped right between Sam and the blonde. "Hey, baby. Sorry I'm late." 

 

His face immediately brightened a bit while the blonde tried to say something. But I ignored her, focusing my attention on Sam. Maybe I was standing a little too close, but I didn't care. "Have you been waiting long?" I asked. 

 

"Not too long," He answered. Clearly amused by my antics, he decided to play along, and wrapped an arm around my waist. I smirked as I heard a soft "Bitch" come from the blonde before she stormed off while I laughed. 

 

"That was mean." Sam smiled a little. 

 

"Maybe. But she clearly wasn't taking the hints you were giving." I answered before turning to lean on the bar to get the bartender's attention. Sam had moved back a little but his large hand stayed on my waist, low on my back. I could feel the heat of his touch through the thin fabric of my shirt. 

 

I ordered two shots and two beers. Before pulling another bar stool up close to his. I ended up half sitting between his long legs as they wrapped around to rest his feet on the rungs of my chair. 

 

We drank our shots and started on the beers. "You said you go dancing after hunts?" he asked. 

 

"Yep." I said, letting the 'p' pop as I said it. " Usually, there is justso much adrenaline pumping that I have to do something with it or else I'll lose my mind. So I go dancing and other things."

 

He quirked an eyebrow. “Other things?"

 

I winked at him." Well, if I'm lucky, I can find a guy to bang me against a wall or something. " I smirked. " That's what really does the trick after a hunt."

 

He chuckled a little, shaking his head. "So Dean found you dancing?" 

 

I blushed a bit, picking at the label of my beer. " Not really. It was a place like this. There weren't any clubs in that town either. So he chased off the guy I had my eye on, and offered himself up instead. The rest... Well is history." 

 

I could feel Sam's eyes on me, even as I kept my eyes on the bottle. " How... I mean... Nevermind. I'm sure you don't wanna talk about it." 

 

He took a deep breath. "You're right, I don't. But.... I haven't talked to anyone really." I looked up at him before placing my hand over his. "He made a deal. With a crossroads demon. To bring me back to life when I died... And we couldn't get him out of it. So when his year was up..." He fell quiet again and I couldn't stop the hand that raised to his cheek. 

 

He leaned into it a little and closed his eyes. Letting my touch comfort him a little. "I'm sorry." I whispered. 

 

He opened his eyes and it felt they saw straight into my soul. He shook his head a little and straightened before taking a long drink from his beer bottle. I signaled for the bartender to bring more. 

 

We sat and drank beer after beer, talking about anything and everything. I told him about growing up in Georgia and punched him when he called me a southern bell. He told me stories about growing up in the hunter life. I told him how the death of my family by werewolves got me in the business, and he told me about his mother and the demon who'd had plans for him. 

 

"So... what about your girlfriend? I'm sure she's wondering where you are." I asked at some point around 3am. 

 

He rolled his eyes as he finished his beer. "She's not my girlfriend. Told you."

 

"Right. Which is why when she tells you to jump you ask how high," I smirked at him. 

 

He growled a bit and I raised an eyebrow at him. "She is just helping me. I've got… nothing now without Dean."

 

I frowned at him and leaned in closer than we already were. " Well, you've got me. If... I mean, if you want."

 

His eyes found mine and I felt my body shiver under his dark and heated look. And maybe it was the drink talking but damn if that wasn't the hottest look I'd seen in a while. I bit my lower lip and I saw his eyes dart to my mouth. This wasn't the reason I'd invited him out. He... We needed to talk and vent and just find our souls again. Even though I had no intentions of jumping him right here in the middle of the bar, I couldn't get the thought out of my head now. 

 

I was just about to pull back when his hand slipped around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His lips were soft but desperation made the kiss hard and demanding. I gave in immediately. Surrendering to him, my hands found his hair as I pushed myself even closer to him. 

 

He pulled back and looked at me. His eyes searching mine for a moment. "I want..." He breathed. 

 

"Me too," Was all I said before he laid several bills on the counter, grabbed my hand, dragging me from the bar. 

 

It was raining when we exited the bar. The cold air was refreshing as the rain came down in sheets. I started for my car but the hand around my wrist had other ideas. I found myself pressed against the wall and his lips were on mine again. 

 

His height made the angle weird but the minute I thought it, Sam lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pressed me against the wall again. His lips devoured mine as his hands gripped my ass. I tugged at his hands, digging my nails into the back of his neck. 

 

I broke away to breathe and his lips moved to my neck. He growled a little as he nipped and kissed my neck. I moaned and wiggled my hips, grinding my core against him, desperate for that friction. 

 

I don't really know how we got back to my motel room. We were both in no condition to drive and it was a miracle that we didn't kill ourselves or anyone else as we drove. My lips were on his neck and my hands were groping him through his jeans as he drove the car like a maniac. 

 

We burst through the door of my motel room. Hands were everywhere as we tore at each other's clothes. He yanked my shorts down my legs as I toed off my shoes. And with one swift movement, he tore my tights and pulled down my panties. I disposed of my shirt and bra before yanking his shirt over his head. His jeans were gone in the next moment and I was lifted from the floor and slammed against the wall. 

 

He wasted no time. His fingers dipped into my core and I moaned loudly at the feel. First one finger then two as his thumb pressed against my clit. I dug my nails into his shoulders as I road his fingers. His face was buried in my neck, nipping. 

 

"Fuck you are so hot." He growled. "Are you gonna cum for me?" 

 

I nodded. 

 

"Say it." He shifted his weight so his legs were holding me up and his other hand wrapped itself in my ponytail and as he tugged a bit, I cried out. "Tell me." 

 

"Fuck, I'm so close."

 

"Close to what?" His voice was in my ear. 

 

"Fuck. Close to cumming." I answered, moaning as his fingers curled inside my cunt.

 

"Do it." And I did. I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to. The control in his voice sent me spiralling. 

 

A moment later I was bent over the bed and Sam was behind me, slowly sinking his length into me. He was larger than his brother, but I told myself not to compare them. And any thoughts I had were gone a minute later as he pushed all the way into me. 

 

"So fucking hot." He growled again. I turned my head to see him behind me and I moaned at the sight. He gripped my hips and started a quick pace. 

 

I cried out as his moved in and out of me. He pulled almost all the way out before slamming home, over and over. The force of his thrusts shook my whole body and he used his grip on my hips to bring me back hard against him each time. My breasts swayed back and forth and my arms struggled to keep myself upright. 

 

Moans ripped from my throat, followed by cries of pleasure as he drove me towards my climax. "Are you going to cum again?" He finally spoke. 

 

"Fuck yes!" I moaned out. 

 

"Don't." He growled. 

 

"What?! Fucking hell!" I answered. 

 

He bent over me, his thrusts stilling for a moment. His voice was on my ear again. "You don't cum until I tell you. Understood, little girl?" 

 

I shivered at his words. Oh, fuck. I was so screwed. Sam Winchester had a Dom side. And the Sub in me immediately squealed in delight. Externally, I nodded. "Yes, sir."

 

He chuckled at the word."Good girl." 

 

He slapped my ass lightly and I moaned again. I could almost feel the grin on his face without seeing it. He resumed his brutal pace and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from cumming because of all the overwhelming sensations. 

 

He ran a hand up my back and wrapped a hand into my hair and used it to pull me back to meet his thrusts. "Oh fuck!" I screamed. Fuck it felt amazing. My body shuddered under him and I struggled to keep my orgasm at bay. 

 

"Please. Oh fuck. Please!" I begged. 

 

He grunted, his thrusts never slowing. " Please what, little girl?" 

 

"Please... I wanna cum. I need.... I... Ugh... " I trailed off and tried to keep focused on not cumming. 

 

" Ask nicely. " he responded. He picked up his pace, brutally fucking me. 

 

It took me a moment to find my words. " Please, sir. Please let me cum on your cock!"

 

"Do it. Cum for me little girl." He growled out. 

 

And I did. My world seemed to explode behind my eyes. I screamed and writhed as my inner walls clenched around his cock. Sam continued to pound into me for I don't know how long. But I knew when I came. His fingers dug into my hips and I knew there would be bruises. He cried out in a hoarse voice before I felt the warm of him spilling inside me. 

 

He was very still for a moment before pulling out and falling to the side, landing on the bed next to me. I looked over at him and smiling as we both tried to catch our breath. 

A few minutes later he stood and helped me into a shower. We took turns washing each other before he carried me back to the bed and I fell into a peaceful sleep curled against his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again a major thank you to my Beta!!!!
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos!!! My muse thrives on them!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Towards the end of season 8, Sam isn't doing so well due to the trials.   
> Things are angsty and smutty.

Chapter 8

I rested my head on Sam's chest while he slept. Although his heart was steady, his breath would catch up every once in awhile and he would cough even in his sleep, worrying me. He was not doing as well with the effects of the trials as he wanted us to believe. And again, it worried me. 

Of course, he acted like nothing was wrong, pretending to just be tired. He would gather all his strength to try and handle cases, only to cough up blood and ending up sleeping for hours longer than normal. 

Guilt hung in my heart every time I didn't turn him down. I would object when his kisses got more heated and his touches more sensual but his voice would drop and he would call me 'little girl' and I would be lost. And it was amazing. But I would hear him coughing when he went to the bathroom to get a washcloth and guilt would tear at my heart. 

I wanted to make it better but I didn't know how. 

When it was clear he was sound asleep and that I wasn't going to find that peace anytime soon, I carefully climbed out of bed. I grabbed the shirt I had been wearing from the floor, putting it on. It was one of Dean's button downs that I had stolen a while ago, and had been the catalyst to Sam and my recent activities. 

"Seeing you wearing my brother's shirt makes me want to tear it from you and fuck you senseless." He had said, and my skin tingled when I thought about the fact that he had done just that. Luckily he hadn't actually torn it. I loved this shirt. 

I quietly left Sam's room and went in search of Dean. I found him in the library. It was odd to see him doing research, he usually left that to me and Sam. He looked exhausted and my heart broke even more. 

"Hey, you." I said softly as I sat on the table next to him. 

He looked up at me and offered me a smile which started off a little sad and tired but shifted when he saw me in his shirt. "Hey back. Glad to see the shirt is still in one piece. I wasn't sure if it would be whole after that look on his face."

I laughed and fiddled with one of the buttons on the shirt. "Me too. I like this shirt." 

"I like you in that shirt." His smile faltered for a moment. "How is he?" 

I sighed and moved to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I leaned my head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck. "I'm so worried, Dean. He keeps acting like nothing is wrong but..." I hated that my voice hitched a little. I didn't want to cry. Once I started it was hard to stop. 

He rubbed a hand over my back. "I know, Princess." I couldn't see his face, but I imagined the pained look there, his eyes closed and all the worries of the world on his expression. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my hands through his hair. He leaned into my touch and allowing me comfort him like he had comforted me. I leaned forward and pressing my lips to his neck. We sat like that for a while, just soft touches and light kisses.

I don't know how much time passed before I moved. He looked at me questioningly as I stood just long enough to turn and straddle his hips in the chair. I took his face between my hands and brought my lips to his. He let me lead, gently opening up to my lips and tongue. His hands roved over my waist, hips, and back and I moaned into his mouth when he slipped under the shirt to touch my flesh. 

"No panties?" He smirked at me a bit. "Naughty girl."

"This is not news, baby." I answered him as I started to unbutton his shirt, needing to touch him. My nails trailed over his chest as he dipped his head to my neck, lightly kissing and grazing his teeth over my skin. I shivered in his arms. Fuck, he could make me feel so amazing with such little effort. 

My hips seemed to move of their own accord, rubbing against the bulge in his jeans, and the friction against my pussy ripped a moan from my throat. 

Dean smirked. "Did he leave you sore, Princess?" 

I whimpered a little. "Maybe, but not too much.” 

"Good." He slid a hand between us so he could tease me, lightly flicking a finger over my clit. Although, not that long ago, Sam's bruising fingers had driven me to multiple orgasms and I was still so sensitive, Dean's fingers brought a whole new wave of sensations. 

Throwing my head back, I moaned as he slowly slid a finger inside me. I could feel his eyes on me, watching me as he curled his finger to hit that spot inside, making a jolt of pleasure spark through me. He knew how to play my body like a fiddle. Dean, like Sam, knew all my spots: How to get me off, how to make me squirm for hours. 

His other hand palmed my breast and I cried out. He pushed his shirt from my shoulders and chuckled softly at the red bite mark Sam had left on my left breast. He trailed a finger over it and I gasped at the sensation. 

"Sure you aren't too sore?" He caught my chin making me look at him. "We don't have to if you are." 

I leaned forward, moaning at the sensation the change in angle caused. "I am never too sore for you, Dean. Now make love to me." 

He slipped another finger into me in response while using his other hand to unfasten his jeans and pull out his hard cock. I whimpered a little as I felt the hard length of it pressed between us. 

Dean removed his fingers and helped me sit up a bit more. Holding himself in one hand as the other gripped my waist to hold me steady as I sank down onto him. 

I moaned loudly as he filled my sore pussy. It didn't hurt. No, it was almost exquisite. I could feel every inch of him stretching me. I took my time sinking onto him, savoring the feeling. 

Dean kept his eyes on my face, searching for any sign of discomfort. After I was fully seated I leaned forward and kissed him, letting him feel all my love and passion in that act. 

Slowly I started to move, slowly rotating my hips, moaning at the feeling. His hands gripped my hips, firm but not enough to hurt. We moved like that for a while. Slowly just alternating between rolling my hips and lifting up a bit to sink back down onto him. 

I didn't often enjoy slow sex. I tended to like it rough, hard, and fast. But this… this was different. Sex with Dean like this, felt like our souls touched in some super sappy romantic sense. Even before I'd left, before I knew I loved him, sometimes sex with him would be like this: Slow, sensual. 

I let the feel of him filling me, the feel of his kisses and touches, overwhelm me. The heat building in my stomach was intoxicating. His lips met mine before trailing down my neck to my breasts as I rode him. 

I cried out as he took a nipple into his mouth, picking up my pace just a bit. His grip became a little tighter. 

"I'm not going to last much longer, Princess." Dean whispered in my ear and I moaned. 

"Me... Me neither." I managed to gasp out. 

"Good." He gripped my ass and stood quickly but gracefully and laid me out on the table. One arm held him up over me while the other hooked around my leg, lifting it to give him better access. His pace was no faster, as he took over, thrusting into me. 

My moans filled the library as he drove me towards my climax. My hands ran over his arms, shoulders, and chest just desperate to touch him as my world started to break apart. 

I cried out as I came, eyes shut as my body seemed to explode and my inner walls clenched around him. He groaned out my name as he pumped a few more times before going rigid. I smiled a bit as I felt him cum inside me. 

Once it was over, I couldn't move. My body was spent. From Sam earlier, and now Dean. I don't think I could have walked even if I wanted to. 

I was vaguely aware of Dean lifting me into his arms and carrying me down the hall. 

I didn't know where he was taking me, I just closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. The bed he laid me down in was already warm and it took me a moment to realize that it was Sam's bed. 

I looked at him confused for a moment before he helped me scoot over until I was mostly lying on Sam's chest. Dean stripped out of his jeans before crawling under the covers with me. He curled his body behind mine. 

Things were very complicated and uncertain right now, but in that moment, as I fell into a blissful sleep sandwiched between the men I loved, everything was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you like it?   
> Please let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trials come to an end.   
> Toni and Dean face hard decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is entirely plot.   
> I promise shutting goodness is the next chapter. It's worth the wait, promise!

Chapter 9

End of Season 8. 

I hated crying. Hated what it did to me. Hated how it made me feel:Weak.

Crying made me feel weak and out of control, because once I started, I couldn’t stop. Besides, I wasn’t one of those “pretty criers.” No, I was an ugly crier. My face got hot and red, my eyes went bloodshot, and I couldn’t keep my voice from cracking in horrible ways.

However, here I was, crying hysterically as Dean and I begged Sam not to sacrifice himself, to not finish the trials. It didn't matter that the gates to Hell would be closed forever. We couldn’t live without him. I couldn’t live without him. 

When Dean had walked into the church, announcing Metatron had lied, and that Sam was going to die if he completed the last trial, my heart had broken. I had spent the last several hours by Sam’s side, helping him, supporting him while he worked to cure Crowley, and unknowingly, I had just helped one of the men I loved take steps closer to his death. 

“So?” Sam replied and I stared at him wide eyed. He… he didn’t care if he died? That’s when the tears had started. “... Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don’t finish this!”

My heart broke even more as I watched Dean begging his brother to stop and stay alive.

“...We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here, but I can’t do it without you.” Dean’s eyes flashed to me for a moment as I moved from behind Sam to face both of them.

“ We can’t do it without you.” I managed to say between tears.

“You can barely do it with me!” 

They argued back and forth and I felt torn in a million pieces. I wanted to be strong. Strong enough to help them, to hold them both and protect them both from the pain they were dealing with… but there was nothing I could do. 

“Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!” Dean argued. 

I closed my eyes at the words, because it was true. They weren’t just words to get Sam to back down. The truth in his words was both beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. There was nothing Dead would put in front of Sam, not when it really counted or mattered. Not even me. And I knew that. 

Sam’s eyes flickered to me and I forced a small smile through my tears. Dean wrapped a bandana around Sam’s hand and I watched as the orange glow of the trials dissipated. I ran to them both and found myself wrapped in a tangle of arms. 

Dean and I shouldered Sam’s weight as we stumbled outside. We clung to each other outside that god-forsaken church as we watched the angels fall, having no idea what was happening or where we would go from here. 

\--

Once again I was crying. This time as I sat next to Sam’s pale form laying in a hospital bed. It was too late. The trials had already done their damage. We had convinced him not to complete them, not to sacrifice himself, but he was still dying. It was all for nothing. My Sam was going to die and it would all be for nothing.

Dean was frantic, looking and praying for a way to save his little brother. And I couldn’t do anything to help. I was useless. I was weak. So I cried. I cried clutching my lover’s hand while my other lover drove himself mad looking for answers. 

“Don’t leave me, Sam. Please. I just… I just got you both. I can’t… We can’t… be without you Sam. You hold us together. Please don’t leave.” I whispered, holding his hand between mine and laying small kisses to his knuckles.

\----

For the second time, I stood, watching two men talk like I wasn’t even there. This time it was whether or not this angel, this Ezekiel, could save Sam. My poor Sam who lay dying on the hospital bed while the world seem to be caught up in chaos around us. 

“Are you saying there’s no way to save my brother’s life?” 

The other man answered with a “No good ways, I’m afraid.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I exclaimed but neither looked at me. 

“Well, what are the bad ones? We’re out of options here, man. Good or bad, let me hear them.” I took several steps towards Dean as he spoke but he was so fixated. 

“I cannot promise, but there is a chance I can fix your brother from the inside.” The angel answered and I watched Dean process that information. 

“No way.”

“Understood. It’s your call.”

“No.” I answered and Dean finally looked at me. “It’s Sam’s call.”

“She’s right. There is no way in hell he’d say yes to being possessed by anything.” Dean took the words from my mouth and I finished walking towards him, slipping under his arm to hold him close. 

“He would rather die.” Ezekiel’s words weren’t a question. They were understanding. “I will leave you alone them.”

Dean closed his eyes for a moment before looking down at me. I did my best to hold my tears back. I didn’t want to start crying again. I had cried so much already. My hands twisted in his shirt and I pressed my face close to him, feeling the flannel against my cheek. I turned to look at Sam again as the monitors silenced and Ezekiel started to walk away. A sob tore from my throat as the reality of it all sunk it. 

I was loosing my Sam. I’d only had him back for a few months and he was going to be gone again. My knees buckled at the thought and I would have fallen had it not been for Dean. His arms tightened and I felt his voice rumbled in his chest as he called to the angel.

“Wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toni is so sick of crying. 
> 
> A huge thank you to my Beta, Ms_Kardec ! I couldn't do this without her!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezekiel shows his true colors and we get Tonics back story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone finally told me that Chapter 11 got posted twice. So this his the real chapter 10.

Chapter 10

Ezekiel, or Zeke, as Dean was starting to call him, made things… complicated. Crowley was in the dungeon, Kevin was doing is ‘prophet’ stuff, so the bunker was pretty full at the moment, at least compared to before. And my main concern was the angel riding shotgun in Sam’s head.

I hadn’t really thought about what it would mean when Dean had made the decision. I just knew that we needed Sam with us.

Dean and I both would have been horribly lost without him, but it wasn’t until he had taken over Sam to kill some demons that I really understood.

Zeke was there all the time. Even though he said that he didn’t pay attention to most things going on around Sam, since he was focusing on healing the both of them, when Sam had tried to kiss me once we got back to the bunker, I couldn’t get the flashing blue eyes out of my mind.

A few moments after his lips touched mine, the sight of the angel wearing my lover as a meat suit came flooding back. I tried to push the thought away, attempting to return his kiss, pressing myself against him, but the idea that Zeke was watching, right there under the surface of Sam’s consciousness, just wouldn’t go away. Abruptly I pulled away and stumbled back a bit, my back hitting the wall of the hallway.

“What’s wrong?” His eyes were full of worry and my heart broke.

I didn’t answer right away, just closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing heart.

“Toni?” He asked again.

“I’m sorry, Sam… I just… I need… I’m tired.” I forced my feet to move, placing a hurried kiss on his cheek so he would know I wasn’t mad at him, before racing down the hall to my bedroom, the one I hadn’t used in months for favor of his or Dean’s bed. I closed the door and sank to the floor with my back pressed against it.

I don’t know how long I sat there with my knees pulled up to my chest. My arms were folded and rest on my knees while my forehead rested on my arms. I wasn’t crying. I had done too much of that recently. No, I just sat there thinking.

A knock on the door made me jump and i slammed my head against the hard surface behind me.

“Toni?” Dean’s voice made me sign in relief. I wasn’t sure if i could look at Sam right now. “Princess, you okay?”

I took a deep breath and stood up, opening the door so he could enter. He stepped into the room and closed the door back. “What’s wrong?”

I frowned and looked down at my hands. “I… I don’t know.” I answered in a hushed voice. “I just… I know why you… why we… did what we did… with him?” I purposely avoided the names and looked up at him. “But….” I shook my head and turned away.

I felt him step up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist to pull me close. My hands gripped at his arms and I took solace in his embrace. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I let him just hold me. We stood there for several moments before I broke down.

“How am I supposed to set it aside? Kiss him, love him... " I blushed a bit as I thought of all the other activities I engaged in with the taller brother and how awkward it felt talking about it to Dean. "Knowing that someone else is in there too... But at the same time, it's Sam!  
I... I can't even let him know anything is wrong. We can't risk it. He... He'll die. And I.... I can't be the cause of that but ..."

I was shaking as Dean turned me in his arms and crushed me to his chest. He didn't say a word. I figure he wouldn’t. He wasn't the chick-flick-moment type and I didn't expect it. He just held me while I was shaking.

Abruptly, I pulled back from him.

" What...? " He asked. His face searching mine as I worked through my thoughts.

I was nervous because being with Sam would mean someone else was there. It wasn't that I didn't trust him. I didn't trust Zeke. But... What if someone else was already there? I could put myself in Sam's hands so to speak if Dean was there to make sure Zeke didn't.... I bit my lip for a moment.

"What... What if you were there?" I asked. "I mean, I know we haven't really been together, the three of us, in a while but... Maybe with you there, I wouldn't feel so.... Whatever it is I’m feeling." I babbled and he smiled at me.

His hand caressed my cheek. "Don't do anything you don't want to, Princess. Sam may not understand and we may not be able to tell him, but he won't push you."

I shook my head. "But it's not fair to him. And I do want him... It's just the dude riding shotgun that I don't want." I took his hand in mine. "However… I'm betting I'd be able to forget about that with you there too... You two have a habit of making it so I can't think." I flashed him a flirty smile and he returned it with his own version.

I adjusted my grip on his hand and dragged him out of the room and down the hall to Sam's bedroom. The taller brother was sitting on the edge of his bed with his arms resting on his legs looking lost in thought.

"Sam?" I broke the silence. He stood so fast he almost stumbled as he turned to face me. He smiled awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair.

"Toni. Dean. I thought you were tired." His eyes danced between me and his brother. I smiled softly and stepped forward, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck.

"I wasn't tired... Not really. Just needed to think and work through a few things. But... It’s nothing to worry about now." I smiled and pressed my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around me and crushed me to him like a man starved. I hadn't realized how long it had been. For the last several months he had been weak from the trials. Then I'd been distant. But now, he let me feel his desperation for me and I let him.

A sound behind me pulled me out of the kiss. I turned my head to see that Dean had settled himself in a chair on the other side of the room. His eyes were dark with lust.

"Don't stop on my account." His voice was low and dark. "I'm just enjoying the show." He shifted a little in the chair and I could see the outline if his cock pressing against his jeans.

I turned my eyes back to Sam. He tore his own eyes from Dean's to mine and flashed me his own grin. His mouth descended on mine again with a growl as he picked me up and laid me back on the bed.

His lips moved from my lips to my neck and down my collarbone. Warm hands ran up under my shirt and trailed over my heated flesh. He removed my shirt and threw it across the room like it offended him. My bra followed a moment later. His mouth and teeth found my nipple, sucking and biting as I moaned and gasped, writhing under him.

I lifted my hands to tangle in his hair. I needed to feel him. To remind myself of Sam. To feel Sam. My Sam. He swiftly caught my hands, tearing his mouth from my breast, and pulling my arms over my head. He held them there for a moment with one hand, stretched across the mattress.

"Can you keep your hands here, little girl, or do I need to tie them?" He asked in almost a whisper as he hovered over me.

I heard a movement and my eyes darted to Dean before Sam caught my chin and turned my eyes back to his. "Toni... If you don't want this sort of play... We don't have to..."

I bit my lip for a moment before answering. "I'm good, sir. I... I can keep my hands here."

He rewarded me with a kiss before moving down my body again. "Fuck, I've missed you, little girl."

His hands ran over my stomach and down my sides before deftly unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down my legs. My panties followed soon after.

His fingers teased the skin of my thighs and over my core without ever actually sinking in. I whined and moaned as I writhed, desperate for more of his touch. I could feel the bit of a smile on his lips as his mouth worked one nipple then the other then back again.

"Eager, aren't you, little one?" He teased, and I nodded.

"Please." I begged.

"Please, what?"

"Please, sir... I want... I need..."

He sank two fingers into my core before I could finish the thought. I cried out in pleasure and my hips bucked, eager for more. I heard another moan and opened my eyes to see that Dean had released his cock from his jeans and was palming it while watching us.

Sam chuckled a little. "I think he likes watching you, little one. I don't think he is as ready as he thinks he is to see a full show, but let's give him a little more to watch."

I turned back to Sam and nodded a little. Doing everything in my power to focus on what was happening right here and now. Not letting my mind wander. "Yes, sir." I answered.

He smiled and kissed me roughly before pulling back and grabbing something from a box under the bed. I couldn't see what he grabbed but a moment later something was pressing against my folds. I raised up a little to try and see what he was doing but a firm hand pushed me back to the mattress.

"No, little girl. Stay where you are, or Dean'll get a whole different show." He warned me. I bit my lip as he pushed the firm object into my cunt. I moaned at the feel of it. I smiled a little as I recognized the shape.

He pushed the butt plug all the way into my cunt so it was good and seated before I heard him open the lube. A moment later I felt his finger at my back entrance. I moaned and my inner walls clenched around the plug as Sam slowly eased a finger into my ass.

"Ah, you like that don't you little girl." His voice was husky and dark, that Dom voice that made my body shiver at the mere sound of it.

"Yes, sir."

"Maybe I should just fuck your ass. Hmmm..." He asked as he slipped a second finger inside, stretching me. I whimpered and writhed. "What do you think, little one?" He wanted an answer. Fuck. I struggled to form a response. To choose. Instead my answer came out in a low moan as he added more lube and a third finger.

"What do you think, Dean?" He turned to look at his brother and I forced my eyes open to look as well. Dean was breathing hard, fisting his cock.

"Fuck! I don't know! Just fuck her, Sam."

Sam chuckled, "Everyone is so indecisive."

He twisted his fingers and I cried out, arching up off the mattress. My fingers clung to the blankets above my head. And as suddenly as the sensations were there, they stopped. He removed his fingers and the plug, leaving me feeling very empty.

I opened my eyes and looked at him in confusion. He leaned over me and kissed me hungrily.

"Go get him, little girl, bring him over here. I have an idea." He ordered and I obeyed, moving to stand.

His hand smacked my ass hard and I squeezed involuntarily. "Knees."

He only said the one word but I knew what he meant. I sank to all fours and crawled the short distance to where Dean sat, staring at me with lust filled eyes. His cock was standing erect, red and throbbing and I wanted little more than to taste the pre-cum that leaked from the tip.

I looked back to Sam. He was in charge of the situation. I needed his permission right now. He nodded once and I turned back to Dean, and leaned leaning forward to run my tongue along his length.

He let out a shuddered breath, catching me before I could take him all the way into my mouth. "If you do that Princess, I won't last."

I smirked at him before letting him pull me into his lap. I ran my dripping wet pissy along his cock and whimpered at the feel of it. In a single movement, he stood, picking me up as he did. His cook trapped between us he walked me back to the bed and laid me down on it.

Quickly, he shed his clothes and looked at Sam. "So what's your idea?"

Sam instructed Dean to lay down and I climbed up and straddled his hips. Sam moved me easily, his grip on my hips settling me onto his brothers cock. I bit my lip at the feel of Dean's dock stretching me, filling me.

Sam directed my movements, forcing me to ride Dean's cock for a few moments before pressing a firm hand against my back. I leaned forward until my chest was pressed against Dean's, my ass in the air, exposed and I knew then what Sam's idea had been.

"You know what to say if it's too much, little girl." He whispered in my ear and I nodded.

He started with a finger and more lube and I whimpered again. Dean moaned below me, "Fuck."

A moment later I felt the head of Sam's cock pressing against my entrance. Slowly, ever so slowly he pressed into me. I bit down onto Dean's shoulder, in return his hands gripped my hips. I shuddered between them until Sam was fully seated inside me.

I couldn't fully explain the feeling. How full I was. It was exquisite, pain and pleasure all at the same time. And when Dean shifted a little, I came from the feeling.

My body shook and shuddered and they both held me as I rode through it. When I was almost down from the high, they started to move. Or rather, Sam started to move. His thrusts were slow at first, deliberate, as if he wanted to make sure he didn't hurt me. With each thrust he pushed me onto Dean's cock. I rode Dean with little effort for the force of Sam's cock drove my movements.

I was reduced to an incoherent mess. I moaned and cried out at the sensations that crashed over my body in waves. When Sam realized that he was not going to break me, his thrusts became more powerful, pounding into my ass. Dean's hands gripped my hips as he thrust up into me.

I don't know how long they pounded into me. One orgasm rolled into the next with almost no downtime in between. In this moment I was just theirs. They could do anything to me, I didn't care. I belonged to them.

"Fuck, Princess." Dean groaned. "I'm gonna fill you up. Gonna  
cum..." I barely heard the words before I felt him go stiff under me. His cock throbbing as he shot is cum deep inside me.

I came again, or maybe I was still cumming the feel of it. Sam barely slowed down before picking back up again. With Dean still in my cunt, Sam pounded my ass and I cried out at the feeling. Finally his rhythm stuttered and he pulled me back by my hair and turned my face to kiss me as he came. His hips sputtered and his whole body shook as he kissed me with everything he had.

We fell to the bed and the three of us lay there for several moments just trying to catch our breaths. At some point Dean lifted me into his arms and followed Sam to the bathroom and settled me into a warm bath. Sam washed me throughly, muttering soft nothings as I came down, easing my sub drop.

I lifted a hand to Sam's face and searched his eyes. Looking for any trace of the angel riding shotgun. All I saw reflected back was my Sam. Leaning forward I kissed him tenderly.

"I love you, Sam." I whispered against his lips.

"I love you too." He smiled back.

Dean sat on the edge of the tub just watching us with a smile. I returned his smile and caught his hand. "And I love you, too."

He raised my hand to his lips. "I know. We don't need to go all super sappy."

I splashed water at him and he laughed.

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?  
> I live for comments & kudos!!! 
> 
> And as always, thank you to my wonderful Beta, without whom this fic probably would have died out long ago!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick flashback before lots of emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter. So this is the REAL chapter 11. Sorry about that!

Chapter 11 (Starts after season 9 episode 8 and continuing until after episode 10)   

 

I stood in the bathroom of the motel, getting ready to go out to a local bar, listening to the Winchester brothers talk.Sam was noticing more and more that something was wrong and I wished for nothing more than to be able to tell him the truth. 

 

I stared at the mascara in my hand and looked at the little dress I was wearing. It had been Sam's idea to go out dancing. After the whole pretending-to-be-born-again-virgins thing, he'd thought I'd wanna go have some fun and sin a little.  

 

"We haven't gone after the last few hunts for one reason or another and before that, I was weak from the trials. So, I know you are jonesing. Let's go tonight." He had smiled down at me and I'd basically left into his arms, nearly knocking him over in my excitement. 

 

I kissed him, then Dean before grabbing my bag and disappearing into the bathrooms.   

 

But now, listening to them talk, I wondered if this was the smartest idea we ever had. Maybe we should just head back to the bunker...   

 

Suddenly, I heard Sam's voice change. I swung the door open and glared as Zeke spoke to Dean.   

 

"He deserves to know." Dean argued.

 

"Your brother is not ready. If he ejects me, he will not make it." Zeke answered. And I wanted to punch the wall. 

 

"Damn it, Zeke! How much longer we got to keep playing this?"   

 

"Not much longer. I promise you that." 

 

I wanted to go to Dean but found myself rooted by the bathroom door when I spoke.

 

"And how did you know he was going to tell him?!  I thought you didn't spy!"  

  
Blue eyes turned to me. "I do not spy on you and Sam during your intimate encounters, Antoinette." I felt my face go hot from anger and embarrassment. 

 

Ezekiel looked back to Dean before the blue eyes faded and Sam returned. "What?" Sam asked expectantly. 

 

Dean shot a glance at me then back to Sam, trying not to look like he had just been having a completely different types conversation. "What?" "What? What's not me?" 

 

Dean shook his head. "Nothing. I just...I meant that...if there is something wrong...it's not your fault. We'll deal with it. But you got to have a little faith, Sammy." He looks at me then. "You ready to go, Princess?"  

 

I looked at the mascara in my hand and decided against it. "Yep!" I answered with a little more excitement than was probably needed. 

 

A smile plastered on my face I took both their hands and dragged them out of the motel room towards the impala. 

 

If nothing else, Sam needed to believe that everything was already. And if that meant hiding my worry, that's what I would do.  

 

  ---     

 

Kevin was dead and Sam was gone.

  
Ezekiel had killed the poor kid and hijacked my lover. And I was fucking pissed. I was beyond tears. I was livid. 

 

I sat cross-legged on my bed. Not Sam’s or Dean’s, mine. A room I hadn’t used in months, but I couldn’t be in the room that held so many memories for me right now. And I couldn’t be near Dean at the moment either. My skin seemed to vibrate with my rage. 

 

Pure will power kept my hands steady as I methodically cleaned my guns. Numerous knives, already cleaned, were laid out across the foot of the bed. 

 

This was how I was coping right now. We had given Kevin a proper hunter’s funeral and then I had walked straight to my room without a word to Dean during the whole process.

 

I could hear him raging down the hall, destroying whatever happened to be in his way. I understood his pain. And I was doing my damnedest not to be pissed at him. To tell myself that we had both made the decision to allow that fucking angel into Sam. To save Sam. However, ultimately, it had been Dean who had said yes. It had been his decision, not mine, though I had gone along with it. And it certainly hadn’t been Sam’s. 

 

Although now we had to face the consequences of that decision **,** blame wasn’t going to get us anywhere. Blame never got anyone anywhere…. And I was all too aware of that fact. 

 

    ----      
_ Flashback _   
_ Atlanta, GA, May 2005   _

 

“Mom! Dad! I’m home!” I called out as I walked into the house I had lived in since I was five years old. I had been away at college for the past several months. I was going to be a historian, at least that’s what I had decided on last month. Three months before that, I was going to major in Psychology. Two months before that, it was Art. I didn’t know what I was doing, just living my life like any other 20 year old should.

 

I frowned as I walked further into the house. It was dark. Which was odd. And I got no response when I called again for my parents. They knew I was coming home today. I’d talked to Mom on the phone yesterday and their car was still parked outside. A weird feeling in the pit of my stomach sent goosebumps over my skin.

 

First, there was a smell. Something I couldn’t describe that made me want to gag. Then I saw the blood. A smear of it across my mother’s precious hardwood floor. 

 

I found my father on the floor in the hallway, just outside the den. A sob ripped from my throat and I spun away. He was gone. Long gone. His chest had been ripped open. I could see that much in the dark.

 

“Mom?! Mom!” I screamed over and over again as I raced through the house, checking every room, every closet. Hoping against hope that she was still there. Still alive, somewhere…  

 

I found her in my old room. It had been destroyed. Later they would tell me that it looked like she was trying to hide in there. But she had been found by whoever had done this. I don’t really remember calling 911.

 

I vaguely recalled a tall dark skinned man come in and carefully helping me to my feet. I hadn’t moved from where I’d fallen to my knees next to my mother. 

 

I’d told my story to the officers while sitting on the back bumper of an ambulance while the paramedic checked my vitals.    
My parents were dead…. 

 

“Miss? Miss Riley?” A calm, sympathetic voice broke through the fog in my head. I looked up to see a kind looking man, probably in his late 50s looking down at me. 

 

He had a beard that covered part of his face but kind eyes peeked out from underneath a large brimmed hat. 

 

“My name is Issac and I understand that you may not have anywhere to go right now given the tragedy that has befallen you and your family. But if you are willing, I can offer you my    
assistance.”  

 

\----   

 

There would be days when I would look back on the weeks that followed the death of my family and wonder why the hell I trusted Issac. 

 

There was really no reason for me to do so, but he had opened his home to me. Given me a place to stay while I figured out what to do next. My home was a crime scene. And I certainly didn’t want to go back there, much less live in the house where my parents had been brutally murdered. I had no other family. Grandparents were long dead, and my parents had been only children.   I didn’t have a job. So getting an apartment or anything was just not going to happen. And it was summer break, so I didn’t have a dorm to go back to either. So I had graciously accepted the spare bedroom in Issac’s house. 

 

He had quickly explained that he was a rabbi. I told him I was an atheist and he just laughed it off. “Someone once told me that God prefers an atheist. One less person jabberin’ in his ear.” I had smiled despite of everything at his comment.

 

He had helped me pack up things in my parents’ house and store it all in a storage unit. And I put the house up for sale. I wasn’t going back. I didn’t know where I was going, but I wasn’t going back. 

 

The police were still baffled. There were many details of my parents’ murder that didn’t line up. It almost looked like an animal attack. And their hearts were missing. I heard even more crazy stories after that. Cultists. Monsters. I didn’t believe a word until the creature broke through the back door of Issac’s house.

 

I had been walking from my room upstairs to find Issac in the den. It was July now and I had been debating whether or not to go back to school in August. 

 

Glass and wood shattered over me and I ducked, raising my arms to protect my face. The rest was a blur.

 

A man but not a man growled and lashed out with claws only to be stopped abruptly by a gunshot that echoed in my ears. 

 

The creature howled in pain then spun towards Issac who stood in the doorway to his den with a gun in his hand. One more gunshot sent a bullet between the eyes of the creature and he fell to the floor. 

 

I screamed again and scrambled across the floor to get away from it.   

 

Cautiously, Issac put the gun away and move to crouch in front of me. "Toni? Toni..." I didn't respond, my eyes squeezed shut, thinking that if I could just wake up everything would be okay.  _ "Antoinette." _ His voice was stern and I forced my eyes open. His kind eyes greeted me. "You need to listen to me, Antoinette. This... This is what killed your parents. There are likely more." My eyes shot to the dead creature.   

 

"What...What is it?" I whispered.

 

"A werewolf. There are many things you don't know about Toni. Many things I can teach you if you want me to. Or you can go back to college and forget that your parents, and nearly you, were murdered by monsters." He had never been so blunt before but I could tell from the look on his face, it was because he was deadly serious.

 

"You said there are more?"

 

"Likely. They tend to run in packs."

 

"And they could come after me."

 

"It's very possible."  

 

I took a deep breath. "Okay. Tell me what to do." 

 

And he did.   

 

I didn't go back to college in August. No, I had a new purpose. Hunting. That's what Issac called it. He taught me everything he knew. Well, as much as I could retain. 

 

I'm sure I was a poor student, but I learned to fight and shoot. He taught me the signs, what to look for.

 

Werewolves were the tip of the iceberg. And while we hunted down the pack that had killed my parents and tried to kill me, he taught me about all the rest. Ghosts, vampires, wendigos, demons, and more. 

 

His library which I previously thought was full of fiction was a treasure trove of knowledge. All of it lore. Research. We settled into a routine. I would do the research, find something that seemed weird in the news, and we would drive to handle it.

 

I'd never forget my first salt and burn. Between the ghost bitch throwing me against the wall, then digging up her grave, my body had ached for days afterwards. But I was hooked. The adrenaline. The knowledge that I was protecting other people. Probably a bit of survivor's guilt running through my system. 

 

It took almost a year to find the werewolf pack who had attacked my family. They'd disappeared to New Orleans soon after the attack. Odd behavior according to Issac, but I didn't care. I wanted my revenge.

 

"This is likely a trap, Toni." He had argued during the entire drive from Atlanta to New Orleans. "Werewolves don't tend to leave their territory. Not unless they have a good reason."

 

"Well, maybe they know I'm gonna kick their asses so they tucked tail."  I answered as I navigated the highway in my car. It had been my dad's and it was one of the only things I had kept after he'd died. 

 

I should have paid attention to Isaac's warnings. Maybe if I had…. Maybe if I hadn't been so reckless, so hellbent on revenge, he might still be alive. 

 

A rational part of my brain would try and tell me that there was no way we could have stopped what happened.

 

The werewolves were dead but not before he had been bitten.   He had forced me to leave. Shoving me out of the barn then barring the door behind him. I had raged against that door. Kicking, screaming, and tearing at the wood until my fingers bled. 

 

It would take me months if not years to get the sound of a single gunshot out of my ears. 

 

When I'd managed to get the door open, Issac was laying against one side, with his gun in his limp hands. It had been loaded with silver bullets.

 

I hunted on my own after that, rarely teaming up with other hunters. I didn’t need any more blood on my hands.

 

Didn’t need any more deaths on my conscience. Issac had willed everything to me, and I’d quickly sold off as much as I could, packed his hunter library into a storage locker and the rest went into the trunk of my car. 

 

I haven’t been back to Atlanta or New Orleans since.   

 

_ End Flashback _

 

\----   

 

I heard Dean coming towards my room well before he opened the door, leaning against the frame. 

 

It took me several moment before I trusted myself enough to raise my eyes to meet his. Those green orbs seemed to burn through me and into my soul. 

 

The pain I saw there mirrored my own, but he was outwardly calm now.

 

“So what do we do now?” I asked and was fairly proud of the fact that my voice didn’t waver. 

  
“We get him back.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well??? 
> 
> Comments??


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get him back and loose him again.

Chapter 12 

Flashback- Season 4. 

Dean was alive. 

I couldn't believe it when I saw him walk into the dingy motel room Sam and I had been staying in. 

Ruby had made a quick getaway, perfectly pretending to be some human we had picked up. 

I had stood quietly and in shock off to the side as Sam wrestled with Dran, declaring he had to be a shifter, a demon, anything but his older brother back from the dead. 

Finally they had all calmed down and discussed things still completely ignoring my presence in the room.

When Dean's eyes finally landed on me they went wide. 

"You? You... Stole my car!"   
I could have fallen over I laughed so hard at that. 

"That is what you remember?" 

"Well... No. But... " He stuttered.

"It's not like I hurt her. She was fine, pull your big boy pants back on." I responded before walking up to him. 

I was barefoot which meant he was even taller than I remembered. Sure, I'd gotten used to looking up at Sam but Dean was different. "It's good to see you again, Dean. Sam told me what happened." I didn't wait for a response just wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him for a moment before pulling away and punching his arm. "And if you do something like that again, I'll kick your ass!" 

"Ow! Do what?!" Dean exclaimed. 

"Die!" I spit back.

"Right, I'll get right on that."

"You better!" We glared at each other for several moments before I couldn’t hold back the laughter. 

He cracked a smile at me for a minute then looked back at Sam.

“How did you get stuck with this one?” 

“Hey!” They ignored me.

Sam shrugged. “Saved her ass, then she kinda found me and wouldn’t leave.” 

I stuck out my tongue at the taller brother and he grinned. “Whatever! You’d be lost without me!” 

It was probably more of a true statement than Sam wanted to acknowledge. I had only been traveling with Sam for about two months, but that had been enough time to see what Ruby had been trying to do to him before I sauntered in and minimized her influence. 

I wasn’t about to tell Dean or Bobby any of that though. When Sam was willing to tell them about the road he had started down, he would. It wasn’t my place.

I sat down in one of the chairs, and crossed my legs, watching as the three men talked about what they were all going to do next. 

My mind wandered and I wondered just what was going to happen now.

Now that Dean was back, should I stay? Did Sam still need me? How was Dean going to react to the whole situation? I mean, I was banging his little brother fairly regularly at this point.   
We weren’t a couple. We made that very clear. Neither of us wanted to try and tangle emotions into this war we were fighting, but when the adrenaline was pumping, we certainly took it out on each other. 

And while I called him Sir and let him dominate me during sex, we both knew that didn’t extend any further.

He wasn’t the boss of me and certainly had no say over what or who I did. Though, if I were to be honest with myself, I hadn’t been with anyone but him since that first night.

But he didn’t need to know that. 

Now Dean was back and my stomach did a little flip-flop as I thought about the imminent changes. Maybe I should leave now that he is back, I thought. However, where would I go? I had no family. I had no real connections. 

It had been years now since Issac had died and Sam was the first person I’d hung around with longer than a single hunt. And in times like this, with demons everywhere and this massive war we were fighting, hunting solo right now seemed like more of a bad idea than it usually was. 

“Hey! Toni! You with us!?” Dean snapped his fingers in front of my face. Startled, I glared up at him. 

“What?” He held his hands up in surrender. 

“You were zoned out there for a minute. Said your name like a dozen times.” 

“It wasn’t that many…” Sam muttered under his breath.

“Shuddup Sammy.” I rolled my eyes.

“Again, what?” They detailed out there plan to me and nodded when appropriate.

End Flashback

\--- 

Season 9 

“I, um… I came as soon as you called...” 

I was sitting cross-legged on the table as Dean packed items into a bag. My bag was already packed and sitting next to me on the table. The room was still a disaster from Dean’s earlier melt down. 

A new look of pain crossed Dean’s face as he looked up at Castiel as he entered the room and I had to hold back my own emotions as the events were recounted. 

I didn’t move and barely said a word as Dean sat across from our friend and told him the story of how we fucked up. Again.

“Listen to me. Sam is strong. If he knew an angel was possessing him, he could fight. He could cast the angel out.”

“Maybe. But as far as I know, he’s in the dark. I don’t know how to clue him in.” Dean answered and my heart broke at the emotion in his voice. I chewed on my fingernail as they discussed it. There might be a way to bypass the angel and talk straight to Sam.

“You think it would work?” Dean asked. 

“I don’t know. But I think we should try?” Cass answered. 

“Okay. Where do we start?” Both men jumped when I finally spoke.

“Crowley.” 

\- - - - - -

A buttload of insults, snark, and sarcasm later, we were working with Crowley. 

While I would never call the demon who was King of Hell a friend, I often had to stop myself from laughing at half the shit that came out of his mouth. We shared a similar sense of humor, him and I. But this time, I had bigger worries and despite his willingness to help us, I wanted to shove a poker in his eye. 

That desire was not helped once we got our hands on the feathered-fucker who was wearing my lover. I knew that what Crowley was doing needed to be done, but the screams were still coming from Sam’s body. 

My Sam was screaming in agony and it tore at me. 

Tears in rolled down my eyes, and eventually I couldn’t hold it together anymore and I turned and fled. It didn’t take long for Dean to follow me.

For the first time since all this had happened, since realizing that Zeke, or whoever he was, had been taking Sam out for joy rides, since we had found Kevin with his eyes burned out, I let myself collapse into Dean’s arms. He held me so tight I thought I felt some of my ribs pop but I didn’t care. My hands twisted in his shirt and my body shook with sobs for Sam. For Dean. For me. For us.

“I couldn’t watch that anymore either.” He whispered against my hair. 

It took me a moment before I pulled back from him. “GAH! I am so sick of this shit!” I growled and wiped at my tears hastily, struggling to get myself under control. “I never used to cry so much. I am so sick of crying! It’s useless and a waste of time!” I stormed around and started to pace. “When did everything get so fucked up?”

He huffed a laugh at me then. “When hasn’t it been fucked up? I mean have you fucking met us? Our lives are just one big jumbled mess of fucked up!”

“No.” I turned at pointed a finger at him. “No this is a different kind of fucked up!” I was angry again, but not the silent, stewing angry. No, this was the say shit I don’t mean because I was fucking pissed and beyond reason, sort of angry. 

“Before, before was a fucked up because we didn’t know better. It was Sam dying and you making deals because you didn’t know better. It was the apocalypse and the world was ending and what else were we supposed to do. It was a fucked up because we had no other choice kind of fucked up. This…” I waved my hand towards the door that led to the king of hell torturing Sam’s body for answers. “This is something else! This is a being too damn stubborn, kind of fucked up. This is a we fucking caused this, kind of fucked up. We have no one to blame but ourselves for this one. We can’t blame demons or angels or the world ending for this one. We did that to Sam. A man we both love. We did that to him! And he is never going to forgive us!” I was screaming now.

“No. No, he is never going to forgive me.” Dean answered solemnly. “And I know that. But you, he won’t have to forgive you because it’s not your fault. And I’m gonna need you to look out for him, because he won’t let me after this.”

“No, Dean. I didn’t stop you. This isn’t all on your shoulders. You don’t have to be the guilt ridden martyr. I am here to help…” He shook his head as I spoke.

“No. It’s not your fault. And he's going to need you, Toni. Don’t you see? He's going to need you, and he won’t let you help him if he blames you too. So this has to be my fault.”

“Goddammit, you stupid bastard. And what about you?” I yelled at him. “You need me too. We are supposed to be in this together, remember? That’s what a relationship is about.”

“Well maybe we shouldn’t be in one. All I do I get people I care about hurt. So maybe we…” I slapped him then. I almost didn’t realize what I had done until my palm was stinging from it.

He met my eyes and I had to bit my cheek to keep from crying at the look in those green orbs. “Don’t you ever… Don’t you dare give up on this. I don’t give a flying rat’s ass about what happens, you hear me? If you wake up one morning and discover that you don’t love me anymore, fine. I won’t stop you from walking away. But don’t you ever think about walking away from this because I might get hurt or some shit.” 

I was a whirlwind of emotions at that moment and I crashed my lips against him before either of us could say a word. My lips would be bruised from the force with which I kissed him, but I didn’t care. My hands tangled in his short hair, pulling at the strands of it. I poured all my emotions into that kiss before ending it just as quickly as I had started it. 

I left him standing there before he could move, heading back into the room where Sam was still screaming, passing Cass on his way out.

I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned against the wall, watching Crowley work. 

It was painful, but I deserved the pain. Finally, it seemed he made a breakthrough. 

\--- 

I sat next to Sam’s unconscious body, stroking his hair around the needles that still sticked out of his skull. The angel who had been possessing him was named Gadreel, the one who had let Lucifer into the Garden of Eden and started everything. 

Now Crowley was also inside my boyfriend’s head, trying, we hoped, to convince Sam to kick the angel out.

For now, I waited. We waited. Dean and Cass were all but pacing behind me. But I tried to tune them out.

Suddenly, Sam’s body jerked and I barely dodged the bright white light that came streaming out of him. Red smoke followed soon after. 

A moment later Sam gasped and looked around. “Sam!” I rushed back to his side as Dean and I looked to Cass to take the needles out. 

I ran my fingers through his hair and let a few relieved tears fall.

\--- 

Crowley held off Abaddon as we made our escape out the back and a little while later we were standing in the rain while Dean and Sam argued.

Long ago I'd made the decision not to get in between them and their fights. That wasn't fair to either of them. But it hurt to watch this one. 

I stood with my arms wrapped around myself as I listened, eyes staring off into the distance.   
"Kevin's blood is on my hands, and that ain't ever getting clean. I'll burn for that. I will. But I'll find Gadreel. And I will end that son of a bitch... But I'll do it alone." Dean's words caught my attention and I spun around. 

Sam replied with, "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Come on, man. Can't you see? I'm... I'm poison, Sam. People get close to me, they get killed...or worse. You know, I tell myself that I.. I help more people than I hurt. And I tell myself that I'm – I'm doing it all for the right reasons, and I...I believe that. But I can't… I won't... Drag anybody through the muck with me. Not anymore." Dean looked pleadingly at his brother then at me. I shook my head. 

"No..." But before I could actually say something Sam cut me off.

"Go. I'm not gonna stop you." He said grimly. 

"What?!" I finally joined in the conversation. "No, you can't! Sam, tell him he can't just leave and go on his own." 

Sam looked at me but didn't say a word. I looked back and forth between them. "No. No. You said I wouldn't have to choose. That we would be together. The three of us.” 

Dean took a step towards me and a held up a hand. I didn’t want him to touch me. If he touched me, my emotions would be even more out of control. Dammit, I never used to cry this much before them. 

Damn Winchesters. 

“Toni. I’m not making you choose. I’m choosing.” Dean said in a soft voice. “You… you need to stay with Sam. He… He’s always been better for you than me. And he… he needs you. Especially now that I’ve fucked everything up. It's only a matter of time before I hurt you, too." 

I finally let him take my hands in his, and I stared at my filthy hands in his equally dirty ones. "And I can't do that, Princess. I need to go. So I'm not making you choose." He used one hand to tip my chin up so my eyes met mine. 

There were tears in those damn green eyes of his. "I love you. Which is why I giving you up." He kissed me softly and I could taste the salt of tears, I didn't know if they were his or mine.

My heart broke as he pulled back and turned from me and walked away, leaving me and Sam standing in the rain. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you crying? Cause I'm crying.   
> Or there are onion ninjas attacking. 
> 
> What do you think???


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

  
  
The week after Dean left was particularly tough. Sam was moody. I was moody. The bunker felt empty without the strong presence of the older Winchester. 

 

The first night had been awkward. Sam knew my involvement with the whole  _ angel-possession fiasco _ , so I expected him to be angry with me. Even though he said he wasn’t, somewhere under the surface, I was pretty sure he was. He didn’t speak to me the whole way back to the bunker and not a word was spoken afterwards. Of course, I wasn’t saying much either. What was to be said? Dean had left. He’d left us. He’d left me.    
  
This was it. Our little trio was done. Over. I wouldn’t let myself cry for it. I’d cried enough and I certainly wasn’t going to cry over what was effectively a break up. So I blared my music while I showered, letting the angry rock lyrics ease a bit of my pain. Long after my fingertips had turned to prunes, I finally emerged from the water, forcing my feet back to my room, not letting myself stop in front of Dean’s door. If I thought about it, I didn’t know if I would be able to stop the tears.    
  
Instead, I stepped into the room I barely used and dropped my robe to pull on shorts and a shirt, purposely picking an old tank top from the times before I knew either of the Winchesters. I never heard Sam come into the room so when I turned to find him standing there, with his hands awkwardly in his pockets, I jumped. 

 

Before… everything… I would have punched him and made a sarcastic joke about him scaring me. There would have been laughter and we would probably have fallen to the bed in a tangle of limbs. Now though, we stared at each other in silence.   
  
Sam opened his mouth a few times like he was going to say something but no words every came out. Eventually he pulled his hands out of his pockets and held one out to me. I stared at the offered hand like it was something strange and alien. Did I want to go with him?   
  
I looked over at my empty and very unused bed. _Yes._  
  
He led me to his room and we sank into his mattress. There was no kissing. No romantic or intimate moments. He simply curled around me and held me like he was afraid I’d disappear.   
  
When I awoke the next morning, he was still there.   
  
Dean was gone. But my Sam was still here.   
  
  
\---  
  
  
I had really taken Dean’s presence in the bunker for granted and the lack of it seemed to echoing off the walls. He often woke up before me, and I’d find him sitting in the kitchen or in the library with a cup of coffee. I missed the smell of bacon, and the silly videos he would make me watch on his laptop... I missed _him._  
  
Sam and I danced around each other. Neither really sure of what to do. Sure, I had been alone with Sam before. When Dean was in Hell and later when he was with Lisa, but those had been different. During the first, well Dean had been dead. And during the second, he didn’t know Sam was back from Hell and things were complicated. And neither times were we all actually in a relationship.   
  
\---  
  
~*~*~ _Flashback between Season 5 and 6_. ~*~*~  
  
  
The apocalypse was over. We had won. But at what cost?   
  
I closed my eyes and let the beat of the music flow through me. It was loud, insanely loud. I could feel the bass in my bones and my ears would be ringing all day tomorrow. But I didn’t care. I was four drinks into forgetting. Forgetting everything. Forgetting Dean. Forgetting Sam. Forgetting the apocalypse. Just forgetting.   
  
I danced in a crowd of people that I could barely see in the dark through the smoke and dancing lights. I moved from one dance partner to the next. Uncaring of who put their hands on my body. The tiny dress barely covered enough to be considered decent, at least by public nudity laws. It was a few strips of cloth that had one job: Get me laid.   
  
Part of me felt bad. I had been exclusively fucking Sam and Dean for two years. Not that Dean could say the same, but I wasn’t going to hold that against him. He probably thought I was picking up guys just as often. And I was banging his brother, so again, I didn’t blame him. However, he was now with Lisa. He had left me alone to go have his apple pie life with her, which was good for him, but now I was alone again. And I just felt so… empty.   
  
So tonight I was going to let some guy pound me into a mattress, or a wall, at this point, until I forgot the Winchesters, I wasn't going to be picky.  
  
I caught a glimpse of a tall man with long hair and my heart stopped. I stopped dead in the middle of the floor and tried to find the man I’d just seen. It couldn’t be. Could it?   
  
When I saw nothing I shook my head. Get your shit together, Toni. I chastised myself. Clearly my mind was playing me evil tricks.   
  
Quickly I threw myself into dancing again, not even looking up when I felt a body slid up behind me. Easily he fell into the rhythm of the music. His hands slid over my hips and his chest pressed against my back. I easily fit between his thighs, my ass grinding against his crotch as we danced.   
  
I shivered as the man dipped his head to the crook of my neck and I felt him breath in my scent. I could feel his breath, hot on my skin and I let him pull me back closer to him. His grip was tight on my hips and I bit my lip. I’d found who I was going to be leaving with tonight.   
  
Swiftly, I spun in his arms, ready to make the suggestion that we should leave, but when my eyes fell on the face of the man behind me I froze. Sam’s face was looking down at me, lust in his eyes.   
  
Abruptly, I pulled away from him and stumbled back, eyes wide. My first thought told me that it was Sam. _My Sam._ Another second and then my rational brain kicked in through the alcohol induced fog. My hunter brain kicked in. This couldn’t be Sam. My Sam was in hell.   
  
This was Lucifer. It had to be. He was out and walking around wearing my lover as a meat suit. I stumbled away and pushed through the crowd, wobbling a little on my heels. I needed to get to my car. All of my gear was in my car. Dammit. Why didn’t I have holy water or anything on me? Why was my cell phone shoved in my boot? I’d have to stop to fish it out and if Lucifer was behind me, I was dead.   
  
Shit. I was dead anyway. I thought I heard my name and I dared a look back to see Sam working his way through the crowd behind me. It struck me as odd that he didn’t just magic is way to me. But I couldn’t focus on that right now.   
  
I burst out into the cool night air and ran to my car, pulling my keys from where they were tied around my neck, and fishing my phone from my high heeled boot. Frantically, I started to dial Dean’s number.   
  
Just as quickly, the phone was ripped from my hands before I could finish dialing. I spun and was faced once again with Sam… no… Lucifer. I raised a hand to fight him but he caught my wrist in his free hand.   
  
“Dammit, Toni. Stop.” He growled out at me.   
  
“Like fucking hell! How did you get out you son of a bitch?” I spat back at him.   
  
“Dammit, Toni. Its me. Its Sam.” He answered.   
  
“Like hell it is!” I moved to knee him in the crotch but he blocked me, pinning my body between his and the car behind me.   
  
“Calm down, Toni. Its me. Really me.” He let go of me completely and took a step back, raising his arms out to the side. “Test me if you want to.”  
  
I eyed him suspiciously. “If… if you are actually… you. How?”  
  
He shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking to the world like nothing was wrong. Like he hadn’t been possessed by the Devil or thrown into a cage in hell. My heart pounded in my chest. Could it be possible? Someone had gotten Dean out a few years ago… Maybe… maybe…   
  
Tears sprang to my eyes and I launched myself at him. He caught me easily as my arms went around his neck and my legs wrapped around his waist. My mouth crashed onto his with a desperation that I normally did not allow myself. But he was here. He was alive. Sam was alive!   
  
His hands gripped my ass as he returned my kiss. I felt him move, taking a few steps forward before pulling the keys from my hand and unlocking the car. My lips trailed down his neck as he got the back door to my car open.   
  
I landed with an oomph on the backseat. He followed behind me quickly, stripping out of his jacket and shirts. My hands trailed over his skin as he pushed the skirt of my dress up and over my thighs.   
  
I arched up as he pulled my panties down my legs and his mouth found my clit. Crying out, I tangled my fingers in his hair. Sam was rarely this direct. He liked to tease and play his control games, making me beg for what I wanted. It was odd that he jumped straight to this but the thoughts were pushed away as two fingers joined his mouth in driving me crazy.   
  
I would worry tomorrow. Right now I just reveled in the fact that Sam was here with me now. He wasn't in hell and I wasn't alone.   
  
It took him no time at all to drag out a screaming orgasm from me. One hair gripping his hair and the other digging nails into the fabric of the seat we were laying on, I writhed under him, barely noticing him pulling away to open his pants and pull out his hard cock.   
  
He easily lifted me and pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him. A breath later and his cock was lined up with my entrance and he impaled me upon him. I cried out from the suddenness of it.   
  
I burned a bit as my body struggled to accommodate him and I relished the feeling, throwing my head back, fingernails gripping his shoulders. I loved when he was rough with me.   
  
He started a rigorous pace, his grip bruising my hips as he moved me on his cock. He thrust up into me just as he brought me down on him. I could feel him so deep, hitting all the spots inside me that drove me wild.   
  
I was reduced to a moaning mess, crying out in time with his movements. My breasts spilled out of the top of my tiny dress, bouncing in time with our movements. He caught a hardened nipped between his teeth and bit a little harder than normal. I screamed his name again as I came around his cock, my pussy clenching around him as I shuddered my release.   
  
He wasted little time, pulling me from his dick and turning me so I was bent away from him, my ass in the air and my face against the back seat. He roughly pulled my ass back towards him and was inside me again before I could recover from my orgasm. My body shook as he filled me again with his cock.   
  
He wasn't usually so quiet. He usually liked to talk during sex. A lot. And he liked to make me talk. Now, he was silent except for a few grunts as he pounded into my pussy. I gripped the seat below me as he ruthlessly fucked me.   
  
He was like an animal, rotting with need. I turned my head to see him as best as I could at the angle. His eyes were dark, full of lust as he watched me. One hand reached forward and grabbed a handful of my hair. Pain mixed with the pleasure he was sending through my body and everything felt more intense, if that was even possible.   
  
My head pulled back and all I could see was the roof of my car so I closed my eyes and let the sensations ride through me as he rode me. I came again screaming my body shaking under him as he kept pounding me through it.   
  
I lost track of how many times he made me come. I had no idea how long we had been rocking in the back seat of my car but finally he let out a growl as he rutted into me a final time, filling me with his release.   
  
He was still for a few minutes and I was a mess under him. I don't think I could have moved if I wanted to. Sam finally moved back from me and tucked his cocktail **manhood** back into his pants. He'd never taken them off, I noticed dimly. And my dress was bunched around my middle.   
  
I watched him run a hand through his hair and vaguely waited for the cuddles that usually came after sex. Both of the brothers had turned out to be cuddlers with me afterwards. Dean claimed he never did that and only did now because we were sharing the motel room most of the time, and I never argued with him. However Sam was always unabashed about cuddling with me.   
  
But this time none of it came. I frowned a little as he retrieve his shirt and pulled it on.   
  
"So… have you got a room?" He asked.   
  
I tilted my head and nodded. Slowly I moved, redressing as best as I could before crawling over the seat and landing in the front seat. Sam climbed out of the back before folding his tall frame into the front passenger seat.   
  
We were quiet the whole way there. There was an awkward feeling in my stomach that had nothing to do with my wobbly legs and sore muscles. Something was weird.   
  
I led him to the dingy motel room I was currently staying in. I striped and pulled one of his old shirts that I'd stolen over my head before turning to look at him.   
  
"How...? "  
  
Sam just shrugged and sank into one of the chairs. His long legs stretched out in front of him.   
  
"No, I mean how long?"   
  
He shrugged again and I was about ready to smack him when he answered. "Almost right after, I think."  
  
"What?!" He had been back this whole time. The whole time we thought he was dead. It hadn't been that long, only about a month or so, but that was still a month thinking he was in hell. "Where...  Where have you been? We all thought you were in the cage!"   
  
"Hunting."  
  
"What?!"  
  
He frowned at me. "I said, I've been hunting. I'm pretty sure I'm speaking clearly." His tone was, not really harsh but very unlike the Sam I was used to. It felt like a slap across the face.   
  
"You were hunting. While we thought you were dead, you were hunting." I was just in shock. "Why didn't you say anything? Does Dean know?"   
  
"No. Only you."  
  
"We have to call him. He needs to know!"  
  
"No." He stood then.   
  
"What!?" Evidently that was my word for the night. I just keep saying it. But none of this was making any sense. "Of course he needs to know. He needs to know that his brother isn't dead."  
  
"I said no, Toni." Sam was in front of me then, looming over me in a way he had never done before. "He is happy. He is with Lisa and the life he has always wanted. Leave him there."  
  
I frowned. "Sam, what is wrong with you?"  I whispered.   
  
"Nothing is wrong with me."  
  
"Yes, it is. Something _is_ wrong with you. The Sam I knew, the Sam I... " I stopped myself before I said something I would regret. "You are acting very strange."  
  
He rolled his eyes. “Well I guess you can’t go to hell and back without coming back a bit different. Now are you just going to keep going on and on about this or can we get to the real reason I’m here?”  
  
His words hit me like he’d done it with his hand. I watched as he turned his back and plopped down in the chair again. I pushed my feelings down. The “real reason” he was here. It suddenly became clear that I wasn’t it. What we had just done in the back seat of my car wasn’t it. “Okay… I’ll bite. What is the real reason you are here?” I asked.   
  
“I need your help on a hunt.”  
  
~~~~  
  
Although I’d followed Sam, meeting the  other members of his family, helping him on hunts and cases, he was different. He wasn’t my Sam. Still, I stayed. I couldn’t leave. Dean had left and Sam was all I had. 

  
We had never defined our relationship before. Never even called it one. We were friends with benefits, that’s all, but even that seemed far more intimate than what we were now. Sex with Sam still rocked my world, probably even more than before, now though, it was impersonal. Animalistic. There was no real emotion to it.    
  
And adding insult to injury, I wasn’t the only one he was fucking. It seemed that whoever may have been willing to, was enough for him. A bit like Dean used to be, when I first met him, so I buried any feelings I had and never let it show that it bothered me.    
  
Then, out of the blue, Sam brought an unconscious Dean into the old house we were staying in and everything changed again.    
  
"So you knew he was back, and you didn't think someone should have told me?" Dean asked me when we were alone, after introductions to the Campbell clan.    
  
I sighed. "You left Dean. You went to have your apple pie life, Sam found me and he was all I had. So when he said he didn't want to tell you, I didn't argue for long." I hated how weak my explanation made me sound. But it was the truth and I wasn't going to lie to Dean.    
  
Dean frowned. "He wasn't all you had. You had me."    
  
I laughed humorless you at that. "Like I said, you left. You made your choice and that choice was Lisa and Ben. And it was the right choice. You love them. You love her. Why wouldn't you choose that?"    
  
"But... "   
  
"What was I supposed to do, Dean? Roll up in her driveway and say ' _ Hi, I'm the girl your boyfriend used to hunt with and bang when there wasn’t a willing waitress around. But anyways, I'm lonely so can I hang out with you guys?' _ " I glared.    
  
He frowned. "Well I wouldn't have said it like that."   
  
"Dean, there was no good way to say it.    
  
~~~~   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story would be nothing without my wonderful Beta Ms_Kardec. There is no way I'd be on Chapter 13 and counting without her. 
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think, suggestions, etc?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean returns... What now?

Chapter 14- 

Season 9 - 

I don’t know why I had stayed home when Sam told me that he picked up something in Wisconsin. I don’t know why I didn’t get in a car, driving there when he said that Garth was in a hospital. 

However, when I got the text saying Dean was there, I was very glad that I wasn’t.   
I didn’t know how I would feel. It had been two weeks since he’d left, two weeks without him and suddenly he was in the same hospital that Sam had gone to.   
They were both there for Garth. I liked Garth, he was a good kid. A weird kid, but a good one nonetheless. He made me laugh which was something that made you people pretty cool in my book. And I felt a little bad that I wasn’t there. But with Dean there… I honestly didn’t know what I would do. 

There was a part of me that ached to see him. I missed him so much, but at the same time I was also pissed. He’d essentially broken up with me and left. After everything that had happened, he had left, and I wasn’t ready to face that head on. 

So, a few days later when he walked through the bunker’s door, I was frozen in place. I was expecting Sam and was ready to welcome him home, probably in some dramatic fashion. 

In the two weeks since Dean had left, we had gained a small amount of normalcy back into our relationship. It was nowhere near healed, but we were talking and touching. ‘I love yous’ had been exchanged and cuddles had happened in addition to some seriously hot sex. Sam and I were okay. And I had mild plans of taking his mind off of running into his brother when he got home. But Dean walked through that door and my stomach dropped. I didn’t know what to do. Should I run to him? Be happy that he was home? Slap him across the face and yell at him? Or just turn and leave? I felt myself torn in a million directions in a few milliseconds. 

He reached the bottom of the stairs and looked at me. His bags still in his hands. His eyes so full of sorrow and guilt. Sam trudged down the stairs after Dean, glancing between us, before turning and heading down the hallway without a word. Giving us space.

“Toni…” Dean started to take a step forward. 

I held up a hand and he stopped. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment, making my decision, before turning without a word and following Sam down the hallway, leaving Dean in the war room on his own. 

\---

"Why is he here?" I asked as I nearly slammed the door closed once I made it to Sam's room. 

"He... We hunt well together, Toni. We always have. We are better hunters together. I can't deny that. "

"So you are just forgiving him?" I asked. 

Sam shook his head as he unpacked, throwing a bunch of dirty clothes into a hamper to be washed after he showered. "No. I told him, we work together as hunter. Not as family." He sighed and looked up at me. "I... Know that it's not going to be easy for you." He walked around and took me in his arms. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you. I... I should have called. I... I know he..." 

"Broke up with me... Yeah. " I pulled out if his arms and paced a bit, rubbing my arms." It's fine. It wouldn't be the first time things are weird between me and him."

\----

I'm not proud of it but I admit I spent that night hiding in Sam's room. I just couldn't bring myself to look at Dean. In the morning though, I forced myself out of bed when Sam left for his run. I headed to Dean's room, intending to rudely wake him up and give him a piece of my mind, but his bed was empty and looked just as unslept in as it had for the last two weeks. Frowning, I turned towards the kitchen. Sure enough he was sitting at the table with his laptop. Here would work too, I thought. 

I stormed over and slammed the laptop closed before he could even look up. His eyes were wide as he looked up at me. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. 

"No. You don't get to talk. You get to listen. You said your piece two weeks ago and made your decision and now here you are like none of it fucking mattered." I started pacing as I talked. "You left me. You didn't just leave Sam because you were feeling guilty. You left me. You broke up with me, Dean." I took a breath and turned back to face him. "And now you are back. Like nothing happened. Like you didn't fucking break my heart. What the hell am I supposed to do now, Dean?" He opened his mouth to answer but I cut him off. "I get it. Although you and Sam are broken and shit, you can put that aside to hunt. But what am I supposed to do? Just pretend that you didn't rip my heart out?" 

I watched him rub his face with his hand. "I don't know what to say, Toni. I... I fucked up. Big time. I know that.... I'm trying to make things better." He stood and slowly made his way around the table towards me. "If... You can't forgive me, I don't blame you. I hurt you. And I can't take it back, just like I can't take back what I did to Sam." He stopped a few feet away from me and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. "If you want us to stay broken up, I understand. I won't push you. And I won't get in the way of you and Sam. But Toni, I love you. I love you more than anything. And walking away from you was damn near the biggest mistake I ever made my life."

I laughed at that. "I don't know. The apocalypse was kinda a big one."

He chuckled a little at my response and rubbing the back of his neck. "And losing Sam's trust is pretty high up there too. But Toni," He walked closer and brushed my cheek softly with his knuckles. "I'll never love anyone the way I love you. And if I've screwed that up beyond repair, I'll never forgive myself."

I closed my eyes and let myself revel in the feel of his touch. I took a deep breath before taking a step back and looking up at him. His face fell and I could see the pain in his green eyes. 

"Dean... I'm... I'm not saying no. But I... I can't just forgive and forget. I need time." I answered. 

He nodded. "I understand. Take all the time you need. I'll wait until the end of time, Toni."  
I nodded again before turning and walking out of the kitchen and straight to Sam's room. Slamming the door, I flung myself onto the bed. It told myself I wouldn’t cry over our breakup, I wouldn’t cry over him. But fucking hell, I couldn’t stop the tears that fell as I buried my face in my pillow. 

\---

Two days later, Dean announced that he had found a case in Minnesota. So we went. I couldn’t stay cooped up and miserable in the bunker forever, so I would just have to be miserable out there doing what we did. Saving people. Hunting things. 

The motel room was small. Smaller than usual and before, I wouldn’t have minded. I loved being close to them. Letting our bodies touch as we passed each other while getting dressed. Laughing and bumping into each other on purpose, which often led to me getting picked up and thrown on a bed, making us leave much later than planned. But now, it was awkward and I could feel the tension in the tiny room. 

We were going down to the police station and needed to wear our FBI getups. For the guys, that was as simple as throwing on their suits and leaving. Me, however, had a bit more to put on, which meant that I was bent over the bathroom sink in my bra and mini skirt while applying makeup when Dean walked in. 

He stopped, stunned. I could see him in the mirror, dressed except for his suit jacket, as he stared at my ass before closing his eyes and taking a breath. A few weeks ago, there would have been a playful slap on my ass or a joke about ‘tapping it later.’ But now, it was like he was fighting those instincts. Even if I wouldn’t admit out loud how much I missed those touches and jokes, how much my body seemed to ache for them, I was almost proud that he was respecting my choices and giving me my space. So instead of wiggingly my ass at him like I would have a month ago, I simply continued to put on my mascara. 

“Can I help you, Dean?”

“Um… right. I just wanted to see how much longer you were going to be.” He answered, fidgeting from one foot to the other and shoving his hands in his pockets. It was almost amusing to see him so flustered. He was usually all put together and cocky. 

I straightened and turned. “Just my blouse and lipstick and I’ll be good to go.” 

He purposely stared at my face as he nodded, eyes never daring to look down at my lace covered breasts. "Right. Okay." He turned sharply and grabbed his coat. "I'll be in the car." 

I stared after him as he closed the motel room door behind him. Sam looked back and forth between the door and where I still stood. "You good?" 

He asked standing and walking over to me. "I... Don't know, Sam." I answered. "He's hurting. And... That hurts me. I... He fucked up. Bad. And he knows it. While I can't just forgive him, I also hate hurting him. I just... " I spun from him and grabbed my shirt and putting it on. "I just want to run out there and wrap my arms around him... Kiss him... Tell him that I still love him. But..." I shoved my heels on my feet before looking back at him. 

"Toni... You aren't going to hurt my feelings by forgiving him." Sam said softly as he pulled me close. His lips met mine and I relaxed a bit into him. He pulled back and pushed a bit of my hair behind my ear. "Do you want to go out there a few minutes before me?" 

I shook my head. "No, let's get this case solved and then I'll think about it."

He nodded and we left to join Dean at the car. 

\---

Season 6 Flashback

Once Dean knew that Sam was out of the Cage, there was no keeping him from hunting. So we hunted. It was awkward though. Sam acting like he had been for the last several months and Dean trying to make his relationship with Lisa work. It left me in an odd position. 

“Something is wrong with him, right? You see it too, don't you?” Dean asked me one night when we were sitting in a motel room. Sam had gone out to do who knows what, leaving Dean and I alone. It had been several weeks since he had rejoined us and we never spent much time alone. Mostly, I did that on purpose. I didn’t know Lisa. I had met her a few times and she was nice. But I know I’d feel weird knowing that another woman was spending a lot of time alone with the person I was supposed to be in a relationship with. 

I looked up at him from my laptop. “Yeah. I see it. But… he was in hell, Dean. That… does something to people. I remember you right after you got back…” 

He frowned and moved across the room to sit next to me at the little table. “Yeah… but he’s acting like he’s not even Sam. He doesn’t care about anything, and I’m pretty sure he let me get turned by that vamp.” 

I shook my head and kept looking through the local online newspapers. “I don’t know, Dean. He’s different. But he’s still Sam…”

“Toni… I saw the bruises.” He said in a low voice.

My head popped up sharply. “What… what bruises?” I asked and hoped that I was convincingly in my surprise. 

“The ones on your hips and thighs.” He answered, then cut me off before I could respond. “And don’t tell me that it was a hunt. I know that you and Sam are into different games and stuff when you… ya know?” He blushed then.

“Have sex?” I asked. 

“Yeah…” He answered. “But, he never used to leave marks like that. Those are some serious bruises.”

I frowned at him and turned back to the computer screen. He was right. I did have bruises and they were nothing like the small ones I used to smile at a year ago. Sam had gotten rougher recently. Since Dean came back, it was almost like Sam was trying to leave more marks. He never hurt me. Despite always enjoying the encounters, I couldn’t deny that it had been escalating a lot lately. 

“He’s not hurting me, Dean.” I said softly. 

“Maybe not.” He responded. “But he’s not treating you well either.” He lifted a hand to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. 

I winced away from him and stood in a huff. “Dean. Seriously. Sam and I aren’t in a relationship. He doesn’t need to ‘treat me well.’ We fuck when we feel like it. Just like you and I used to. Its nothing I don’t enjoy.” 

“Toni…” 

“No, Dean. If you want to do emotions or some crap, call your girlfriend. I’m going to shower and then I’m going to bed.” I stalked across the room only to have him catch my wrist and spin me around to him. 

“Please, don’t be mad. I’m just worried.” He said softly, looking down at me with those damn green eyes. I stared into those eyes and wanted to loose myself in them forever. I watched his gaze move over my face and settle on my lips and god dammit if I wasn’t staring at his. I wanted to kiss him so bad. I missed him so much. I craved his touch, his kiss.

He leaned down towards me, his lips hovering over mine. I could feel his breath against my lips. All I had to do was move a mere fraction of an inch and I would feel his lips on mine again. I ached to taste him, to press myself as close to him as possible, tear at his clothes until I felt his skin on mine. My body trembled at the thought of it. Sex with Dean had always been a sensual experience. He liked to drive me wild with his hands and mouth long before sliding into me. And while I thoroughly enjoyed Sam’s approach to sex, I ached for Dean. My thoughts whirled around in my head before I finally reached a decision. It took all of my will power to place a hand against his chest and push him away slightly. 

“Don’t. Dean.” I whispered and looked down at my feet. “I… You don’t want me. You don’t want this. Go call your girlfriend. She is the one you chose and want, remember?” 

I didn’t give him time to respond as I pulled out of his arms and all but ran into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and pressed my back against it. God damnit! When did I fall in love with that bastard?

\----

Several weeks later, we found out what was wrong with Sam. He was back from hell, but his soul was still stuck in the Cage with Lucifer. Which was why he didn’t care about anything, why food and sleep didn’t really matter to him. Nothing really mattered to him. I didn’t really know how I felt about that. At the same time I was upset that he was soulless, it also meant that the way he acted towards me wasn’t because Sam didn’t care, but because he couldn’t care. 

Then Crowley revealed that he was the one who brought Sam and Samuel back. I knew I hated that fucker. It really doesn’t matter that he was funny. Just because our sense of humor aligned, didn’t mean we were besties. Now we were working for him in order to get Sam’s soul back… which just made me feel all warm and gooey inside. Except not. I hated it.

We stopped for a while in a park near a river after a case with skinwalkers. Sam had brought some take out food and we slid onto the benches of a picnic table.

“I will never look at a dog the same.” Dean remarked as a woman jogged past with a dog on a leash. I laughed a bit at the comment before digging into my food. The brothers chatted for a moment before things turned serious.

“You were right. I’m not your brother. I’m not Sam.” I looked up sharply at the younger Winchester. “All that ‘blah blah blah’ about being the old me? It was crap. Like Lisa and Ben, I’ve been acting like I care about them, but I don’t. I couldn’t care less.” 

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?” Dean asked, pain in his eyes. 

“You wanted the real me. This is it. I don’t care about them. I don’t even really care about you… or Toni.” His cold eyes landed on me for a moment and I thought I could die right there. My heart sank. I knew he didn’t care, not really. But it still hurt to hear him say it. He was still talking but I couldn’t hear him over the roaring in my ears. It was taking all my willpower not to respond to those words. 

“Sam get to the punch line.” Dean interrupted. I felt him toss a glance at me before turning back to his brother. 

“I don’t know if how I am is better or worse. Its different…” Sam continued. Although I wanted to interject, to tell him exactly how much worse this ‘different’ was, I kept my mouth shut. “...but I’ve been thinking…. And it was kinda harder. There are also things about it that I remember that I…” He looked at me. There was a look on his face that I couldn’t read. “Lets just say I think I should probably go back to being him.”

“Then we do whatever it takes to get my brother back.” Dean affirmed. 

We sat around the picnic table for several more minutes while we ate before Dean got up to go bring the car around. I got the feeling like he just wanted to be alone for a few minutes. In addition to all of this, I knew that things with Lisa had gotten even worse lately, though he wouldn’t talk about it. 

So I was left alone with Sam. Soulless Sam. 

“I was being honest.” He said suddenly and I looked up at him. 

“About what?” I asked. 

“Things I remember… from before.” He answered. 

“Um… okay, I’ll bite, Mr Cryptic. What do you remember from before that’s got you all ‘I’m gonna be honest and wanna be Sam again?’” I asked, mocking his voice for the last few words. 

He rolled his eyes a bit. “I remember caring. About you. Sam… the Sam I was before. He cared about you.”

I stared at him in shock. The words fell oddly between us. I didn’t know what to do with them. “Um… okay. Right. We were friends.” 

“It was more than that, wasn’t it?” He asked and I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. 

I shook my head. “Look, I don’t know what weird game you are playing now. But Sam.. you and I were friends. Friends with benefits. Just like I was with Dean before he got together with Lisa. There was nothing ‘more.’ Now, while I’m tickled pink to know that you remember giving a damn about me, I don’t know why you are telling me this.”

“I don’t know.” He answered. “I just thought it might be information you would like to know. Clearly I misjudged. I apologize.”

I shook my head. “Oh don’t say you are sorry. Because we both know you don’t mean it. You can’t mean it. It's literally impossible to mean it. So don’t say it.”

I stood and started to walk away but he caught my wrist and turned me towards him. “I was simply doing what I thought you wanted me to do. I thought you would want to know that I… he… cared about you deeply. Those memories, they are part of the reason I want to try and be him again. I thought you would be more excited about that, based on what I remember.”

“What do you want me to say, Sam?” I asked. “Yes, I want the old Sam back. The one who at least liked me even when we wasn’t fucking me. Yes, I want him back because I loved…” My words caught in my throat and I pulled from his grasp and stormed off.

Later, I stood in the shower of the motel room we had booked for the night. The hot water washed over me and I squeezed my eyes shut against the tears. I wouldn’t fucking cry. 

When the hell had I fallen in love with both of them? Why did I have to put myself through this pain? Sam was fucking soulless, so he didn't feel anything for me. He claimed that he could remember having feelings but the Sam I knew before had never said a word about any feelings. If he'd loved me or anything, I had to believe that he would have said something before sacrificing himself. 

Then there was Dean. Dean who was in love with his normal, apple pie life, Lisa and her kid. But then there was the almost kiss, the longing looks, and the fact that evidently they had broken up. 

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the water. I didn't know what to do. Should I stay? Should I go? Even if I did stay, what was I supposed to do with these feelings? Bury them? Try and forget them? 

Could I even tell them how I felt? I was in love with both of them. Even if we got Sam's soul back, even if Dean did get over Lisa and decide that he wanted me, I couldn't choose between them. I've never been able to. It had been hard enough sleeping only with Sam with Dean so close. 

When did all this get so fucked up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for your comment. 
> 
> And as always a HUGE thank you to Ms_kardec who is my amazing Beta. I couldn't do this without her!


	15. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgiveness...
> 
> and Smut returns. :D

CHAPTER 15

season 9

 

I stood leaning against the doorframe that led into the garage of the Men of Letters' bunker. Classic rock music filled the air as Dean worked diligently on Baby. The poor Impala had gotten vandalized by Abaddon while we had been trying to retrieve the First Blade. Enochian words had been carved into the driver side doors, taunting us, and it had really upset Dean. The fact that Crowley had gotten away with the blade didn't help his mood. 

This Mark of Cain that was now on his arm had him antsy and on edge. It worried me. Dean was hot headed on a nearly regular basis, but this Mark seemed to make it much worse. But through it all, he was still doing everything he could to redeem himself for leaving me. 

I smirked thinking about the single rose I'd found next to the coffee maker one morning. A note on it said "Because nothing says 'I love you' like dead mutilated plant genitalia." It had made me laugh, thinking about how I'd gone on a rant soon after I'd started hunting with them about how stupid buying flowers was. However, what touched me more than the flower itself had been the note. He had remembered. 

There were other little things. Asking me if I needed anything from the store. Bringing home my favorite Milano cookies. These were things Sam often did, but Dean doing them, reminded me that he really did love me. 

So as I watched him work on Baby, his other great love, with expert and careful hands, I made my decision. I wanted those hands on me again Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself off of the doorframe and walked over to him. 

His focus was on the car doors as he sang softly with the music. While driving on long road trips, he often sang loudly and off key just to annoy Sam, but in reality, his voice was beautiful and made me weak in the knees. I could only guess that he saw me because when I knelt behind him and slid my arms around his middle, he didn't jump. Instead he leaned into my touch as I pressed myself against his back, letting myself really feel him for the first time in weeks. 

I breathed in his scent, pressing my lips to the side of his neck. 

"Toni... " He whispered so low I almost didn't hear him. 

"Well, I don't know who else it would be." I taunted lightly. One of his hands moved to cover mine around his waist. I could feel his heart beating fast in his chest as I placed more kisses along his neck. 

"No one. No one but you... " He breathed out." What are you doing, Princess?"

"I thought that was obvious." I answered, moving around him so that I was straddling across his lap, my back pressed against the sanded door of the Impala. I looked into his eyes and saw confusion and hope in those green pools. His hands landed on my waist and I could tell he was using every ounce of willpower to hold himself back. 

"I gotta be sure, Princess. I don't wanna push and hurt you... If there is something you don't want... " He answered until I placed a finger against his lips. 

"I want you, Dean. I never stopped. I was mad and hurt and all that jazz, but I will never stop loving or wanting you." I leaned forward and kissed his lips. His hands slid up my sides and around my back, pulling me hard against him and deepening the kiss. 

He pulled back and smiled at me. "I love you too, Princess." He caressed the side of my face and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "Bedroom?" 

I shook my head, "No." 

His face fell in that millisecond. "Right. I won't push, I just thought..." 

I giggled a bit and kissed him again, silencing him. "I meant, I want you now... Here." 

His eyes darkened with lust before he crushed me to him, his mouth devouring mine like a man starved. I hungrily returned the kiss, letting my tongue taste his. My hands tangled in his hair as I rotated my hips, grinding against the growing bulge in his pants. 

He pulled from the kiss long enough to yank my shirt over my head before returning to my lips. I moaned as his hands roamed over my body. One hand was on my left breast and then he slipped it inside my bra so he could twisted the nipper between his fingers. I cried out, pulling my mouth from his. My head fell back as I moaned and picked up the pace of my hips against his lap. His other hand unfastened my jeans and slipping under the fabric. 

He wasted almost no time, finding my clit and expertly rubbing in small circles. I whimpered and my hips jerked as pleasure spiked through me. 

"Dean", I begged.

"What, Princess? Tell me what you want." His voice was low and gruff as he buried his face in my neck. He nipped and kissed his way down my neck and shoulder then back in again. 

"You... I need you inside me. Please. " I begged, I wasn't proud of how my voice sounded but I wasn't ashamed either. I wanted him. Needed him. 

I cried out as he slipped a finger inside my hot wet core. My hips moved on their own as I desperately sought more. 

"That's it, Princess. Ride my fingers." His breath was hot on my ear and I shivered. He added another finger and I moaned as he curled them, hitting that sweet spot that made me tremble in his arms. 

It didn't take long before I was screaming as I came. He chuckled a bit before he moved us around so his back was against the car. He pushed his pants down so his thick cook sprung free. I licked my lips as I stood, sliding the jeans down my legs. I crawled back towards him and dipped my head to run my tongue along his length. 

He groaned loudly fisting my hair in his hand. Dean was rarely rough with me, but I liked it when the mood struck him. He was never like Sam but occasionally he wanted that bit of control. So I moaned around his cock as I let him guide my head up and down. 

A moment later he pulled me off of him. "If you keep going, this will end sooner than I'd like. I need to be inside you, Princess."

I grinned at him, moving to straddle him again. Reaching between us, I took him in my hand and guided him into me. I slowly sank down onto him, moaning at the feel of him filling me. His hands gripped my hips and I knew there would be bruises on them later. 

I leaned forward, my forehead to his as I started to move. Rotating my hips as I rode him. He moaned and threw his head back against the car door, hands moving over my body, running over my breasts and down my back to grab my ass cheeks. 

After a few moments, his grip returned to my hips and helped me gain a rhythm bouncing on him. My cries echoed through the garage and with a quick flick of his fingers against my clit I came again, falling forward onto his shoulder, my fingers leaving marks on his biceps. 

In one smooth action, I was on my back amongst the tools and he was above me. Sliding into me and picking up the pace. I hitched my legs around his waist, giving him better access to fuck me. I writhed in the floor of the garage under him as he pounded into me. 

"Fuck, yes. Dean!" I screamed and moaned as his lips trailed over my neck and shoulder. One hand held him above me while the other gripped my thigh, changing the angle until I was moaning and screaming in pleasure with each thrust.   
"Once more, Princess. Cum for me." He said between his own moans and gasps for breath. 

I had no words to answer him. My nails dug into his shoulders and down his back as he thrust into me. I could feel his rhythm faltering. He was going to cum soon and I wasn't far behind. I tangled a hand in his hair and yanked his mouth to mine. I screamed into his mouth as ecstasy exploded through my body. I shook as my pussy clamped down around his cock. 

He let out a groan and I felt him fill me with his release. He gave a few sputtering thrusts before half collapsing on top of me. I lay there shaking as he laid soft kisses along my jaw and upon my lips. 

"I love you, Toni." He whispered against my skin. 

I smiled and turned to look at him. He was smudged with grease and dirty from working on the car. The Mark on his arm caught my attention and I ran a soft finger over it. "I love you, too, Dean. No matter what." I leaned forward and kissed him. "Don't you dare leave me again." I added and playfully swatted at his shoulder. 

He laughed and pulled me close, tucking me against his chest. "Never again. Promise."

"Ugh! Guys! In the garage, really?!" Sam had found us. I looked up at him where he stood in the doorway, mock irritation on his face. 

"Are you really shocked, baby?" I asked sweetly. 

He smirked a bit. "Yeah... No." He shook his head as he turned back into the bunker. "Get clean and shit. I think we've got a case."

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D 
> 
> A huge thank you to my beta, I couldn't do this without her!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mark is wearing on Dean...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a flashback to my French Mistake.

Chapter 16.

I stared at Dean as he held the First Blade. Abbadon was dead, but the look on Dean's face as he killed her would not be leaving my memory… ever. I hated that he scared me right now, but he had a look about him that was unstable. Like it wouldn't take much to send that blade swinging again. 

I barely paid much attention to Sam while he talked with Crowley about the King of Hell’s son. How weird was that? I'd ponder that more later but right now Dean was the number one thing on my mind. 

The Mark on his arm worried me more and more. Ever since he'd gotten it, he'd been harsher. He was often irritated and easily annoyed. For a bit he had been super sweet, trying desperately to atone for breaking up with me and we had worked to rebuild our relationship. But as the time continued, he'd become withdrawn. I'd woken several of the nights I'd spent in his bed alone. I'd find him in the war room, or sometimes the library, with a bottle of beer and watching the Three Stooges on his laptop. 

Many of those times I was able to entice him back to bed, but I'd still wake up to an empty bed in the morning. I hated to admit it, but I was starting to just climb into Sam's room after finding Dean missing. 

He'd never gotten rude or mean with me, but inanimate objects seemed to get the brunt of any frustrations he had. I don't know how many phones had been replaced lately and quite a few glasses and mugs. 

Now, seeing the look on his face as he killed Abbadon. I was even more worried about this man I loved. And I knew Sam saw it too. 

Finally we climbed into the Impala to head home and I continued to keep my mouth shut as they discussed the whole convoluted mess. 

“I don't expect you to understand.” Dean said. 

Sam frowned, “Try me.”

I stared at Dean's face in the rear view mirror as he answered, “First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy.”

Sam huffed. “Oh. Of course. So it was just another time where you had to protect us. “

Dean looked between Sam and I. “Neither of you could've gotten nabbed by Abaddon, and she could've bargained her way out. We couldn't afford to screw this up.”

“Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too.” 

“He's right, Dean.” I added my two cents. 

Dean looked confused. “Yeah? Like what?”

Sam caught my eyes for a minute and I nodded, knowing he had seen the same signs I had. “I don't know. Like, something to you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay?”

Dean shook his head and started the car. “No.”

\---  
Dean would hear nothing else on the matter as we headed back to the bunker. We finally arrived and I looked at Sam as Dean stalked off towards his room. 

“Maybe, he'll talk to you.” He said softly as he pulled me close. I leaned up to kiss him. “Just… be careful.”

I offered him a small smile. “Dean won't hurt me. I don't know if he will listen, and he might hurt my feelings. Hell, he's done that before. But he won't hurt me physically, I know that.” I let Sam hold me close and kiss me again. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Toni.” 

He headed off towards his room and I stopped by the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer before following Dean to his room. He was sitting on his bed, rubbing his arm, the First Blade on the bed next to him. 

“Hey you.” I started. “I thought you could use a drink. It's been a crazy couple of days.” I held out the bottle but he didn't look up. 

“You agree with Sam?” he asked. 

“Dean…” 

“No.” He looked up at me, an accusatory heat in those green eyes. “You do. You're siding with him on this. You're not supposed to do that, Toni. That's part of this whole arrangement with you being with both of us.”

“Dean. I'm not siding with him over you.” I answered calming, Moving around room and placing the bottle down on the night stand. “But you've been on edge lately. More angry than usual. It worries me, baby. And it seems worse now that you have the blade, too.”

He stood. “So you want me to give it up? You and Sam. Two peas in a pod. Ganging in on me.”

“Dean, that's not what's happening.” 

He laughed, but the sound had little humor in it and I felt a chill in my bones. “Besides, Princess, I thought you liked it rough. Isn't that the game you and Sam play. I would think you'd like me better on edge, rougher.”

He moved to tower over me and it took all my will power not to back away from him. “That's not how it works, Dean. You know that.” 

“Do I?” he took another step closer. “Maybe if I can give you that, you wouldn't need him. You could be mine. Only Mine. ” He grasped my waist and pulled me hard against him. I stumbled and fell off balance as his lips claimed mine. He was like a man starved as he devoured my mouth. His tongue invading past my lips to 

I frowned and pushed against his chest. “Dean! NO. That's not how our relationship works. I told you I'm not choosing between you. I'm never choosing one over the other. “ I pushed against him and squirmed. “Let me go. You're hurting me. ”

Something broke in his eyes and he released me so fast that I stumbled back. “I…. I'm sorry. I… don't know why…” 

I rubbed my hip where he had grabbed me. I knew there'd be a bruise but I'd never tell him that and hoped Sam wouldn't notice. “Dean… it's what I tried to say before. It's the Mark and it's worse with the blade.” 

He shook his head and paced the room,running a hand through his hair and over his face. “I can't give it up, Toni. I can't. I don't want to. The blade, the mark. They make me better. Faster. Stronger.”

“Like the demon blood did for Sam?” I asked softly. 

He turned and glared at me. “That's nothing like this.” 

“Isn't it?” Toni tilted my head and regarded this man I loved. “It's the Mark of Cain, Cain as in the first murderer. Number fucking one on the demon hierarchy or some shit. You aren't drinking demon blood, but you're still…” 

“Ugg!” Dean roared and wiped everything off his nightstand. I winced as the items crashed to the floor. “It doesn't matter. This is how it is now. This is how I am. So get used to it, sweetheart. And batting your pretty eyelashes at me isn't going to change my mind.”

I stared at him for a moment before turning in my heel and storming from the room. 

“Right, Princess. Just run to Sammy, because he's so fucking perfect!” Dean hollered after me. 

That pissed me off and I spun before thinking. “No Dean. He's not perfect. But he's not currently treating me like shit. And until you pull your head out of your ass, you can go back to sleeping alone.” 

I turned and had to force myself to walk, not run, down the hall to Sam's room. Once there I closed and locked the door then sank to the floor, closing my eyes against the pain in my chest. 

Sam was off the bed and kneeling in front of me before I could open my eyes again. “Toni. What happened?” 

I just shook my head as I let him gather me into his arms. “Did he hurt you?”   
I shook my head again. “No. But, Sam. I don't know how to help him. And he doesn't seem to want him. And I just don't know what to do.”

“I know, Toni. I know.” 

\-------

 

Flashback- Season 6-

Sam had his soul back. This was great. Right? His soul is out of the cage and back in his body. There are conditions though. 

Don't scratch at the wall. Death's words rang in my ears. Don't try and remember things. So that meant, don't bring up the things he said or did while soulless. That meant don't bring up that Soulless Sam had basically said that Sam, the real-has-a-soul-Sam, had feelings for me. Implied that he loved me. So I couldn't ask. I couldn't bring it up. I couldn't walk up to him and say, “Hey. So when you didn't have a soul and was just fucking me because it was a way to pass the time. You said that you maybe loved me before you jumped into the cage with Lucifer and Michael. Any truth to that?”

Instead, I kept going like nothing was wrong. Like I wasn't tearing myself up inside. I'd come to the realization a while ago that I was in love with both of the Winchester brothers. But Dean was with Lisa, so there was nothing I could do there. And with Sam not exactly spouting declarations of love, I was just having to deal. 

All of these thoughts were driving me crazy as I sat in Bobby's study listening to Sam and Dean talk about a case. When Balthazar came rushing in, talking nonsense about the Godfather I was really confused. But I liked him, he was funny and snarky and that fit with my sense of humor. It was often hard to keep myself from laughing as he poked fun at Sam and Dean. I don't know how many times he had glanced at me and winked, letting me know that he knew I found him funny. In different situations I would have liked to have known him better. 

But this time was different. This time he was ranting and bouncing from one place to the next, gathering what looked to be supplies for a spell. My suspicions were confirmed a few moments later as another angel arrived and Sam, Dean, and I were sent crashing through the window. 

I felt Sam turn his body a bit to catch most of the impact of my fall. But we didn't land on the hard ground outside Bobby's house. Instead there was a cushion. Weird. 

‘Cut!’ A loud voice rang out and I raised my head to see dozens of people surrounding us with cameras and electronic equipment. It looked like a movie set. 

“Jared, Jensen! Amber! Outstanding! That was just great.” Said an older man in a director's chair. 

Someone else called out, "Supernatural,scene one echo, take one. Tail slate. Marker!” 

We climbed to our feet as the people around us scurried about doing various jobs I knew nothing about.” So no angels?”   
“ No angels.”

“Should we be killing anybody?” 

“Don't think so.”

“So what do we do?” I asked. 

“Okay. That's a wrap on Jared, Jensen, and Amber!” A very official looking man shouted. 

“Who the hell are…” Sam didn't get to finishes his words before he was dragged off by a petite woman and sat down in front of cameras. Dean was pulled off by another woman saying something about makeup which made me laugh in spite of myself. 

Yet another woman with a camera and a microphone motioned for me to stand with her. “Amber Calloway. We just have a few questions. If you'll just make sure you look into the camera when you answer.”

“What?” I started but was quickly cut off.

“So your character Toni has had an on again off again friends with benefits relation with Sam and Dean for years now. Now that it's out that you are actually dating Jared and Jensen, we all want to know how does that work? And how are you dealing with the backlash from friends who disapprove?” 

I stared at the woman for a few moments as I tried to process what she just said. “Well, I… um… I don't think it's anyone else's business what I do or what relationships I have.” 

I dodged a few moment questions before managing to duck away and join Sam and Dean. “This is freaky.” I was wide eyed as I looked up at them. 

“It's a TV show. About our lives!” Dean was grumbling as I joined them.

“I'm just saying, we.. we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, and I'm something called a "Jared Padalecki." Sam ran a hand through his hair. 

“ So what, now you're polish? Is any of this making any sense to you?” 

“Oh. I'm evidently an Amber something or another. And the best part, somehow I'm dating both of you, which evidently a lot of people don't like.” I grumbled. Trying to look and sound like the idea of dating both the men I loved wasn't the most appealing thing ever. 

“We need Cass. You think he will answer?” I asked, trying to distract myself from the thoughts in my head. Dean proceeded to pray and we were all pleasantly shocked to see the angel walking towards us. It became very clear very quickly that this was not Cass, but an actor like we were supposed to be. Things just kept getting weirder and weirder. 

We wandered a bit, hoping for answers when Sam stopped suddenly, pointing to a large trailer. 

“Hey, look! ‘J. Ackles.’”

“That's fake me! This must be fake mine.” Dean actually looked a little excited for a moment as we climbed the steps into the the trailer. “Dude, I have a helicopter!”

“Oh. All right, who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?” Sam asked looking around. 

Dean laughed, “Apparently, Jensen Ackles.”

I laughed as well, “Very classy.”

Sam spotted a laptop and opened it. “ All right, here we go. Let's see who this guy is.”

“Well, he's not a hunter, but he plays one on tv.” Dean gestured to the large flat-screen on the wall that was running footage of this TV show we evidently were on.   
“Oh. Look at this! “I picked up a magazine with the three of us on the cover, in a bit of a comprising position. “Come on. Look at this. It's ridiculous!” 

“Hey. Apparently, it's our job. All right, uh, here goes. Um...It says you're from Texas, Dean.” Sam explained what he found, a bit like he did when researching a case. 

“Really?” 

“And Toni’s from Canada.” 

I stuck my tongue out as Dean laughed at me. “You're not even, American!”

Sam came to by rescue. “Yeah. And, uh...Oh. Says you were on a soap opera, Dean!”

“What?!” Now it was my turn to giggle. I laughed so hard that at I fell back on the very comfortable couch. The boys got caught up watching a clip of Dean's doppelganger foray into daytime soaps while I looked around some more. Quickly I found pictures of Dean and I… or Jensen and Amber, rather… looking incredibly happy. 

A buzzing in my pocket drew my attention to a cell phone. The buzzing had been an email for Amber, but I found myself snooping further into this fake me’s life. I blushed at what I found. 

Numerous text messages in a group chat between fake me and the fake Winchesters ranged from dirty threeway sexting to fluffy declarations of love. The pictures in the gallery were a mix of the same. Some were cute selfies of us, others were dirty pictures we'd obviously sent back and forth. But one caught my eye and I pulled it up to look at it. It was saved with a caption, almost like we wanted to make it a memory but couldn't. The picture was of the three of us, one brother on either side of me. We looked a little awkward, trying to show the camera our left hands where matching rings adorned our ring fingers. 

The caption said, ‘2011. The world may not understand, but we do and that's all that matters’

Dean slammed the laptop shut and the sound made me jump. “Don't like this universe, Sammy. We need to get out of this universe.”

His words hurt like a knife to my heart as I looked back down at the pictures as they talked. 

“Yeah. No argument here. But I don't think our – our prayers are reaching Cas. Or the real Cas.” Sam added. 

“Well, I agree. I think we are definitely out of, uh, soul-phone range. But…” Dean looked thoughtful. 

“What?” Sam asked. 

“If we can reverse Balthazar's spell... I watched every move. We just, uh, get the ingredients, right, get back to that same window, and...There's no place like home.” He was saying but I was barely listening. My eyes were glued to a picture fake me had sent to the fake boys last week. “Right, Toni?” 

I jumped out of my skin and looked up to see them both staring at me in concern. “Umm right.”

“Then let's go.” 

I nodded and followed them out. Quickly closing out of the picture of a positive pregnancy test. 

\--- 

The adventures of leaving the tv studio were frustrating though I'm sure the state of the fake Impalas would haunt Dean until the day he died. But after that fiasco, we climbed into the back of a black SUV with a man named Cliff driving. 

“So which house is it tonight? And do you want me to pretend to drop anyone else off anywhere else.” He asked and we all looked at each other.

“Um… mine.” Sam spoke up first and shrugged a bit as we both glanced at him. 

“Really? Okay.” Cliff answered before starting to drive. We rode in silence for most of the trip until Dean spotted a sign that said ‘Welcome to Vancouver!’

“UGH! We aren't even in America!” He exclaimed and I couldn't help but giggle. 

We arrived a little while later outside a very large mansion. Dean let out a low whistle as we looked around. Everything was lavish and way over the top. 

“Dude! You're loaded!” The older brother clasped Sam on the shoulder. 

I just shook my head as we looked around, pictures on the mantle over the fireplace caught my attention. I recognized some of them from fake me’s phone. Sam wandered over a moment later and took one of the pictures of him kissing my head while Dean kissed my cheek as starred at it. 

“The three of us… them… are really all together? Jared and Jensen?” He asked, with a weird look on his face. 

I shrugged, not looking at him. “Um… I don't think you two… fake you… are together. Just you guys are both with me… fake me.” 

I could feel his eyes in me but I refused to meet his gaze. Dean broke the moment as he came in with beers in his hands. “This fucked up day calls for drinking this dude’s beer!” 

I smiled a little and reached to take the bottle but stopped. The picture on fake me’s phone popped into my head. Was this my body or her’s? Was I pregnant right now? I didn't know but I… I couldn't risk it. Dean looked at me funny when I lowered my hand and shook my head. “No thanks.”

“What? Since when do you turn down beer?” the older Winchester asked and I noticed Sam's confusion too. 

I sighed and pulled the phone from my pocket and opened the picture. Handing it to Sam, I ran a hand through my hair,suddenly very warm. 

“Evidently I’m pregnant. Or fake me is…. And since I don't know how this different universe thing works and if this is my body or hers… I don't want to risk it.” I couldn't stand to look at them so I wandered out if the room and down the hall. It took a minute before I heard their footsteps following after me. 

“Wait. So one of us is…“ Dean started. 

“No.” I spun around and faced them. “One of them is… not you. And it's not mine.” I gestured between the three of us. “Im not in a relationship with either of you. We aren't even fucking anymore. So don't you two dare get all weird on me.” I turned to walk back down the hall, I was too afraid that they could see the pain in my eyes. They didn't need to know how much I wanted this. How much I wished this was our lives. “So let's figure out how the hell to get back to our own damn universe.”

\---

A little while later had us sitting in Jared Padalecki’s study buying the obscure and probably illegal ingredients to recreate the spell Balthazar had cast. I wasn't much help, as that I couldn't stop giggling over the giant portrait of Sam riding a horse that hung behind the very large dark wood desk. Everything here was just so weirdly over the top. 

The Winchesters worked on the laptops and arranged to pick up the ingredients at the airport in the morning. I bid them goodnight and wandered off to find bedrooms. The master was huge with a giant four poster bed and lush bedding. An ensuite held a soaker tub and a walk in shower. I couldn't stop myself from snooping, but quickly found clothes that were obviously mine… Amber’s. 

I laughed a minute at the tank top that said ‘Save an Impala. Ride a Winchester.’ I debated it for a whole before changing out of my clothes and putting on the tank and a pair of shorts. I climbed into the overly large bed and stared at Amber’s phone again. 

A recent email was marked important in her inbox and I couldn't stop myself from reading it. My eyes widened. It was a script and an explanation. 

They were writing Amber’s character… Toni… me. Out of the show because I… she… was pregnant and they didn't want to add that into the show. I frowned. This show was supposed to mirror our lives. Everything I'd seen pointed towards the episodes being eerily accurate. So if they were writing Amber out of the show, what did that mean for me? 

My finger hovered over the link for the script. Did I want to know? 

No. I quickly shut off the phone and put it aside. It didn't matter. Whatever this alternate universe thought about my future, didn't mean it was my REAL future. And I wasn't going to worry about it. 

\---

The next day was a whirlwind. We got the ingredients, tried desperately to act, fought Virgil, and somehow managed to get back to our universe just in time for a showdown with Raphael. All was quiet now. And it felt weird. 

I borrowed the Impala to run to the store. It only took about 10 minutes of begging and the promise that I'd bring back beer. It didn't take me long to get the things I needed and Dean and Sam were too distracted with the pie and beer to notice that I made a bee line for the bathroom. I had to know for sure. 

Now I sat looking at the negative results in the little stick, unsure if I was happy or not. I mean, of course I was relieved that I wasn't pregnant. This was no life to bring a baby into. A baby who at this point the would have been sired by a soulless version of Sam. An act he probably didn't even remember. 

But part if me mourned that other life. One where I was happy with both of them. One where we were going to be having a baby. I found myself hastily wiping tears from my eyes. With the stick safely buried in the trashcan, I headed back into the main room. 

Sam and Dean were laughing and joking, getting throughly drunk, while filling Bobby in on the other world. “And Toni was pregnant and we were in this weird triad relationship thing! How crazy is that!?” Dean laughed and I felt another stab into my heart. 

I closed my eyes and headed upstairs. As I packed up my things I huffed a small laugh. I guess that email I read was right. That alternate universe was writing me out of the show and now I was leaving. I guess it made a certain amount of sense. 

But I couldn't stay here anymore. Sam was back to normal. They didn't need me anymore. And they didn't want me anymore. Seeing that other world had shown me exactly what I wanted and being back showed me that I couldn't have it. And I couldn't hang around with my heart broken every day. 

After the boys had fallen asleep I grabbed my things and headed out the door. 

“Where you think you're going?” I stopped with my hand on the doorknob as I heard Bobby behind me. I sighed. 

“I can't stay anymore, Bobby.” I answered. 

“You aren't even going to say goodbye to them?” 

I turned and looked at him, “If I look them in the eye and say I'm leaving, I won't be able to walk out the door. It's better this way.”

“Better for who, Toni.” 

I smiled softly. “I can't do it anymore, Bobby. I love them. Both of them. And seeing them react to actually having that… in that other world. How they laughed at it.” I closed my eyes against tears. “I can't stay. I just can't.”

He sighed and walked over to hug me. He held on for several minutes and I fought the urge to cry. “Stay in touch and stay safe.”

I nodded. “Don't… don't tell them where I am.”

“I won't.”

I turned and left. My car was safely parked in a corner of Bobby's junkyard and I smiled sadly as I looked her over. Sure that she was in good running condition, I climbed in and left the Winchesters behind. 

\----


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon Dean...

Season 9 ends.

This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. I clung desperately to Sam as I cried. Sobs choking out of my throat as I wailed. My knees had buckled and Sam had followed me to the floor of the bunker hallway. His back against the cold stone wall as I sat ungracefully across his lap. He held me just as tightly as I held him, my hands fisted so tight in his shirt, little tears were forming in the fabric. But I didn't care.

Dean was dead. Killed by Metatron. Stabbed through by an angel blade. There was nothing any of us could do. I'd just gotten him back. We had just repaired our relationship despite the Mark on his forearm.

Now he was gone. Dead. Again.

Last time, all those years ago, I hadn't known him. Didn't love him yet. It had been the same when Sam threw himself into the Pit to save the world from apocalypse. I didn't love him yet.

Now it felt like my heart had been ripped out. A piece of me was gone now.

\---

Eventually, long after our tears had dried into shakes and raspy breaths and our legs had gone numb from sitting on the floor, Sam helped me up. We didn't need to speak, we knew what needed to be done next. Sam kissed the top of my head and turned. We needed to gather wood for the fire. Dean needed his hunter's funeral. Salt and burn.

I closed my eyes for a moment before I turned on semi numb legs. The pins and needles of blood rushing back into my muscles were a welcome pain, they let me know I wasn't completely numb to the world. I needed to get Dean's body ready, so I gathered my courage, locked down my emotions, and forced my feet to take me to Dean's room.

My blood ran cold as I stood in the doorway looking at the empty bed. It hadn't been empty before. Sam had specifically laid Dean's body upon it when we got to the bunker. I'd seen it with my own eyes. Now he was gone.

“Sam! Sam!” I cried, my voice desperate with panic.

“What?” The tall man came running around the corner. “What's wrong?”

“He's gone.”

" What do you mean he’s gone?

" I mean. Gone. Not here. Dean. He's gone!"

Sam had to see for himself and slumped against the doorframe when he saw the empty sheets. Shock, pain, and confusion in his hazel eyes. I forced my feet to take me into the room. A note left on the bed read two simple sentences.

“Sammy, let me go. Toni, stay away.”

“Fuck.” My thoughts echoed Sam's exclamation.

\---

Sam was barely talking to me. Though, to be fair, I was barely talking to him. We were too focused on finding Dean for much chit chat. Three weeks after the eldest Winchester, dead not an hour before, had disappeared from his bed, and we had almost no leads.

Hours upon hours of research and scouring the Internet for signs of my lover had led to a stiff neck and many nights passing out in the library. I'd always wake up the next morning in the bed I shared with Sam, though rarely was he there with me. I smiled sadly as I thought about it. We were barely talking but he would stop what he was doing to carry me to bed.

“I'm going to go check out a lead,” Sam's voice broke through my morning pre-coffee haze. “I'll call you if it looks like anything to go on.”

I frowned up at him. “Are you sure? I can go with you.”

He shook his head before gathering me in his arms. Leaning down, his lips met mine and I returned his kiss with a hunger I hadn't felt in three weeks. My arms went around his neck and I pressed closer.

He broke away, a little breathless. “You keep that up and I won't leave.”

“Then wait a bit.” I answered. “Or let me come with you.”

He smiled down at me. It was a soft, sad smile, but there was love and affection wrapped up in the expression. “I'll be back in a few days. Promise.”

My stomach dropped a bit and I took a step back. “Right. Okay then.” I tried not to let it get to me. I knew he loved me. Wanted me. I knew we were so fucked up with trying to find out what happened to Dean. But I missed him. Missed how we used to be.

I turned back to the coffee maker and started to pour me a cup. I heard him sigh and he walked up behind me, his arms going around my waist, or as close to my waist has our height difference allowed without bending at weird angles. “I'll make it up to you.”

I nodded but didn't trust myself to say anything. He kissed my cheek, his lips lingering for a long moment. “I love you.” He said and I repeated the words before he turned and left the kitchen, grabbed his bag, and headed out of the bunker.

I tried not to think too much about me and Sam. Our relationship had been through worse and once we figured out what the hell happened to Dean, we would be able to focus on us. I had been staring at my laptop for several hours when my phone rang. The loud rock ring tone startled me and I nearly fell off my chair.

The unknown number glared at me and I cautiously answered. “Hello.”

“Annie?”

I frowned for a moment. Trying to place the voice. But there was only one person who called me that.

“It's Kenny.” The voice said before I could ask and I smiled a bit.

“Kenny. What the hell, man? I haven't heard from you in ages.” I answered.

“Yeah. Well. That's a hunter's life for ya.” He snarked. Kenny was one of my few friends outside of the Winchesters. Hunter's didn't tend to live long and knowing this, I didn't let myself get too close to many people. But Kenny was good people. A good Ole southern boy, we had bonded over southern comfort food and talk of growing up in the dirty south.

“What can I do for ya?” I asked, slipping a little into my southern accent. It was a problem I had, when I heard my native accent, I slipped right back into it. Sam and Dean had made fun of me on more than one occasion.

“Look, Annie. I don't wanna pry into your business or anything. But are you okay?” His voice was full of concern.

“Why do you ask?” I frowned.

“Well. I know you've been shacking with those Winchesters but after what I just saw I had to call and make sure you were okay.”

I sat up straighter at that. “Saw what? Spit it out, Kenneth!” I demanded, pulling out his full name, knowing that would cut through his bullshit.

“The shorter one, Dean right? Well I swear I saw him tearing through some people. Demons I think. But Annie, he was a black eyed bastard just like the ones he was beating to a pulp.”

“Fuck.” I exclaimed, jumping from my seat and pacing the library.

“I didn't dare engage with the guy. I'm not suicidal. I know my limits.”

“ Good. Stay away from him, Kenny. He's beyond dangerous.” I rubbed my face, glad I wasn't wearing any makeup because it would have been smeared everywhere. “Where was this?”

He gave me the location then added “Be careful, Annie. Don't do any stupid shit that will get you killed.”

“I'll be fine. Thanks for the call.”

\---

The location Kenny had given me was about three hours from the bunker. So I loaded up my car and drove. I left a note on the war room table just in case Sam came back before I did. And three hours later, I pulled up outside a biker bar. There was no real sign of struggle. No police tape, so someone had cleaned up any mess or bodies that had been the result of a fight.

Tugging my leather jacket over my red tank top, I headed into the bar. I really didn't have a plan. Mostly I just wanted to talk to a few people, any information on the demon that was wearing my boyfriend as a meatsuit would be a step in the right direction.

I never in wildest dreams would have imagined the scene I walked into when I entered that bar. A blood bath would have felt more natural than this. But that wasn't what I saw. Most of the bar looked normal. It was mid afternoon so there were only a few day drunks and people getting lunch.

I froze when my eyes landed on the small elevated stage across the bar. Dean Winchester was singing, loudly and off key, into the microphone and swinging his hips to the beat coming from the crappy speakers on either side if the stage. I blinked several times. I'd seen some seriously crazy shit, but this was just surreal. So far out in left field that it made no sense.

I was about to back out of the bar and call Sam when Dean's eyes focused on me across the bar. Those familiar green eyes seemed to pierce straight through me. “Shit.” I swore and turned on my heel and rushed out the door.

I didn't make it to my car before a hand caught my arm and swung me around. I grabbed my knife from my hip as I turned and used the momentum to bring the knife around. He anticipated my move and his other hand caught my wrist, twisting a little. Pain flared through my hand and my fingers let the knife slip to the ground.

Dean's face was inches from mine. Those green eyes were replaced with demon black. “What part of stay away didn't you understand?” he spat at me.

I struggled, bringing my knee up to collide with his crotch. He growled at me, a very animalistic sound, and he slammed me back against the side of my car. “You son of a bitch. Get out of him!” I screamed at him.

He laughed then. His head fell back with the laughter and when he looked back at me his eyes were green. “You don't get it do you? I'm not possessed. This is me now, sweetheart.”

“Bull fucking shit!” I spat back.

He just laughed some more. “Oh we can thank the Mark for that, Princess. I'm all Dean, just fucking better, baby.”

“I don't believe you.” I growled out.

He shrugged. “I don't care what you believe as long as you fucking leave me alone. Does Sammy know you're here?”

I didn't answer. “Oh he doesn't, does he?” He mocked me. “You guys on the rocks? Is he not enough to satisfy you? I always figured you were such a nympho, why else would you want two guys to fuck you on a regular basis? Well, if you are here to get a fix, I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement, sweetheart.”

He leaned forward to kiss me and I let him for a moment before biting down on his lip. Hard. He pulled back, half amused and half pissed. He shifted his grip to hold me against the car with his body and one hand before wiping his mouth with the back of his other hand. I saw the blood before acknowledging that I could taste it on my lips.

“I think I like this hell cat version of you, Princess.” He grinned at me. “Maybe I should keep you. Ya think Sammy will miss ya?”

“Go to hell.” I still didn't believe him. Was this really my Dean, changed into a demon? Or was the demon possessing him that good at pretending to be him?

He smirked and ground his hips against mine. I could feel him hard inside his jeans and I hated my body for its response to him. He let his hands roam over my waist and up to my breasts, squeezing and running his fingers over my nipples as he dipped his head to the crook of my neck. He smelled like Dean always did and it made my body shiver. “It'll be good for you. I'll make sure of that. I still remember what you like.”

I hated him even more in that moment. I let him kiss and nip at my neck for a moment as I reached for the long knife that was in a sheath in the middle of my back, my other hand reached in my pocket for my vial of holy water.

“Kiss me,” I whispered. “I won't bite again, promise. I've missed you. So much.” I willed my voice to sound lustful. He smiled at me for a moment before descending onto my lips. I let myself savor his taste one last time before I moved. I slammed the glass vial into his face, the Holy water burned his skin instantly and he howled, reeling back. I ignored the pain as a few shards of glass sliced my fingers. With my other hand I slashed at him with the kukri. I sliced him across the chest and kicked him hard so he fell back. I whirled and got into my car, slammed it into gear and took off down the road, fishtailing a little as the tires tried to get grip on the road.

I could see him in the rear view mirror, standing in the middle of the road, laughing at me as he picked glass out of the side of his face. Fucking hell this was worse than we thought.

\---

Sam was pissed at me. I knew he would be. I just didn't expect him to be waiting for me when I got back to the bunker. I expected him to be following his own lead for another day or so. That would have given me time to get home, and compose myself before facing his anger that I'd left to chase Dean without telling him.

Instead, I knew I was in trouble when I pulled into the bunker’s garage and saw the car he'd been using sitting in Baby's normal parking spot, blocking mine. Shit.

The younger, taller, Winchester was sitting at the library table, eyes on his laptop when I walked in. He didn't look up and I knew I was really in trouble.

“Sam?” I asked, squaring my shoulders and hoping he wasn't too pissed. I could face down Dean as a demon, and Sam without a soul. But I really was sure I could deal with Sam disappointed in me.

I put my bag down and as rounded the table I noticed that his arm was in a sling. “Sam! What happened?”

He didn't look up. “I could ask you the same thing. I came back with a dislocated shoulder and fractured arm and you weren't here, Toni. So what happened?”

I frowned. “I….”

He just sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Toni, we have to be honest with each other. I didn't think that was something that needed to be discussed. We are always honest with each other. But this… where were you? I… I was worried.”

I bit my lip and pushed his laptop out of the way so I could sit on the table in front of him. “You ran off and left me here, Sam. Like you didn't need me. So, when I got a lead, I followed it.”

He still wasn't looking at my face. Instead his eyes fell to my hand, which I'd hastily bandaged after slicing it open while shoving a glass vial into Dean's face. “And what did you find?”

I took a deep breath. “Him.”

His eyes snapped up then. “What?! Why didn't you call me?”

“No time.” I answered quickly. “I didn't mean to engage, I didn't even expect him to be there. And he's long gone by now.” I looked down, my hair covering my face.

Sam's good hand came up and cupped my cheek. “What happened to your hand?”

I closed my eyes and retold the event that had transpired outside that bar. When I was done talking, he carefully pulled me from the table to sit across his lap. I buried my face in his neck and shoulder and held onto him.

“We'll find him again and we'll get him back… somehow.” He whispered to me as we held each other.

I nodded softly. “So what happened to your arm?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon Dean part two

Chapter 18

I drove my car while Sam got a little sleep. We had a line on Dean, thanks to Crowley and a complicated, morally ambiguous plan. But we were taking the opportunity. Together. None of the stupid games of one or the other going off alone and getting themselves hurt or killed. We were in this together.

I looked over at him as he was half hunched in the seat, eyes closed and soft snores coming from him. I was always amazed by his ability to sleep in these old classic cars. But he had years and years to get used to folding his long frame into Baby, and my Charger wasn't too different size wise.

It felt weird to be driving the car with him in it. Until Dean disappeared, we didn't really take my car anywhere. Dean always insisted on taking Baby. And I didn't really mind. I shared his heart with that black muscle car and I was okay with that. My car was only really used when I wanted to go somewhere, usually to the store.

However, long road trips, like this one, had always been done in the Impala. So my Charger felt very empty and odd with just me and Sam on our way to rescue Dean from himself.

\---

I woke Sam about an hour outside of where we knew Dean to be. The bar was mostly empty as we walked in. It was much like the bar I'd found Dean in several weeks ago, but instead of loudly singing karaoke, Dean was seated at a piano.

It didn't take him long to notice that we were there. “Hiya, Sam. Toni.” he looked up at the bartender, “Hey, Harv, why don't you go grab a smoke?” He turned his eyes back to us, “Who winged you?”

I glanced at Sam's arm. “Does it matter?” Sam replied.

“Not really.” Dean shrugged. “Woulda thought Princess would take better care if ya. I told you two to let me go.” He looked at me, “Unless you're here to take me up on my offer.”

Sam wasn't fazed by his brothers words. “You know I can't do that. By the way, your, uh, pal Crowley...Sold you out.”

Dean wasn't shocked.

I spoke up then, taking a hesitant step forward. “Dean... You don't have to do this. We know how to cure demons. You remember that?”

Dean looked unamused. “Little Latin, lots of blood. It rings a bell. Did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed, sweetheart?”

Sam argued, “That was Crowley.”

Dean smiled wickedly and I felt a shiver go up my spin. “It really wasn't.”

“It doesn't matter, all right? 'Cause whatever went down, whatever happened, we will fix it.” Sam's eyes were huge, those puppy dog eyes full of emotion. I could see his expression out of the corner of my eye, even though I forced my focus on the elder Winchester.

“Will we? 'Cause right now, I'm doing all I can not to come over there and rip your throat out... with my teeth. And you don't even want to know what I want to do to Princess here.” he flashed me a lecherous grin and, though I'd rather not think too hard about it, I shuddered from lust or revulsion. I probably wouldn't have liked my own answer. “I'm giving you two a chance. You should take it.”

Sam shook his head, “I'm gonna have to pass.”

“Ditto.” I answered. “I love you too much. “

Dean laughed a bit at my words, “Well, I'm not walking out that door with you, sweetheart. I'm just not. So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna kill me?”

Sam and I answered ‘No’ at the same time.

Dean huffed. “You don't know what I've done. I might have it coming.”

“I don't care. Because you are my brother. And I'm here to take you home.”

“You're my brother, and I'm here to take you home. Yeah, what is this, a Lifetime movie? Huh? With your puppy-dog eyes?” Dean mocked. “Oh, thanks, Sammy. I needed that. Between you and Princess Happy Family here, you two are hoot.”

Sam pulled the handcuffs with sigil on them out of his pocket, without saying a word.

“Kinky. You really think those are gonna work?”

“There's one way to find out.”

We didn't get to try. Tear gas suddenly filled the bar. It burned my lungs and I coughed, struggling to breathe. I could hear Sam doing the same. What the fuck!?

I couldn't see. Couldn't breath. I fell to the floor, trying to stumble my way out of the bar. My eyes were burning, I couldn't see a thing as strong arms slid under my arms and knees, lifting me from the floor and carrying me from the bar.

I was dumped, rather unceremoniously on the ground next to an unconscious Sam. Through burning eyes I could see Dean facing off against another man I didn't recognize. But when he spoke, I knew him to be Cole, who had kidnapped and tortured Sam less than a week ago.

I watched through burning eyes as Dean toyed with the man, humiliating him by easily beating him down. I felt Sam stir behind me but he signaled for me to be quiet as he placed bottle of holy water into my hand. We timed our attack precisely. Dean was gloating over defeating Cole, he never suspected the Holy water that I showered over him.

He howled and burned, eyes black as he turned to attack me. But with his focus on me, Sam was able to snap the handcuffs over his wrists, rendering Dean powerless.

I sat on the hood of my car and watched as Sam wrestled his brother into the back seat of the Impala. It took all my effort not to run to Dean and sooth him. He was in pain and, demon or not, it broke my heart. My eyes never left him as Sam gave Crowley the first blade, as was part of our deal.

Their conversation ended and I finally looked up when Sam stopped to stand in front of me. “You okay?” he asked, reached out to push a lock of hair behind my ear.

I shrugged. “Physically? Peachy.”

His puppy dog eyes were full of worry and I forced a smile to my lips. “I'll be fine, Sam. Let's just get him home and cure him.”

He nodded. “You think it'll work?”

“It was your idea, Sam.” I said, rubbing my arms against a chill that wasn't weather related.

His good hand ran through his hair. “I know. I just…”

Reaching out, I put my fingers through a belt loop on his jeans and pulled him closer. He dipped his head and I kissed him, letting my other hand slide around to the back of his neck. When we parted I touched my forehead to his and sighed. “We got this. We'll get our Dean back.”

He nodded and kissed me again. “I love you.” I smiled and repeated the words before hopping off the hood of the car and getting in.

“I'll follow you.”

He nodded and went to the Impala. I watched as Dean mocked his brother for a moment before the black Chevy drove off down the road. And I followed it home.

\----

Dean sat chained to a chair in the middle of the large devil’s trap in the dungeon of the bunker. My legs swung back and forth as I sat on top of a table several feet away from him. When we had first discovered the dungeon there had been many jokes. Mostly Dean laughing that now Sam and I had a place to go and play our little sex games. Then we'd kept Crowley here for a while. But I never expected to see Dean, staring at me with black eyes, trapped in the circle.

He was laughing at me again as I distracted myself, playing a game on my phone. He seemed to go through phases. He would laugh and taunt, then growl and scream, demanding to be let loose, then he would threaten me before falling silent again. This was how it had been for the last several hours as Sam gathered what we needed to cure the older Winchester. I was doing my best to ignore most of what the demon version of this man I loved said.

“You know, you're pathetic.” He was taunting me again.

“Oh really?” I asked, not looking up from the silly match 3 game on my phone. “Why this time?”

“You know Sam and I have just been fucking you because you're convenient, right?” I could hear his smirk, I didn't need to look up to see it.

“Is that right?” I forced my voice to remain emotionless.

“You're not even a good lay. But you're here, I don't have to drive myself to a bar to find a hole to fuck if you're down the hall.” He taunted. “I never loved you. Sam doesn't either. Why do you think we are okay sharing you? It's just like sharing a toy.”

I didn't respond. Didn't say a word and did my damnedest not to actually think for a second that his words might be true.

“Maybe we can go back and pick up whatsername from the bar. She was pretty fucking hot. Damn good lay too… wonder what's taking Sam so long. Maybe he's banging that chick from the bar in town. She's a damn good lay too. When I get sick of you that's where I go.”

He was just saying shit, trying to get a rise out of me. I knew better. Sam didn't cheat. Dean, when he wasn't a demon, didn't cheat. But this demon version of Dean, was trying to get under my skin. A little while ago, it had been about my weight. ‘Have you put on more weight? Been binging the ice cream again?’ Before that it had been about how all of this was my fault to begin with.

“Fucking look at me, bitch! Stop ignoring me.” He demanded and I heard him struggling against the bonds.

“I see we've looped back to to the screaming.”

“Fucking bitch. When I get out of here I'm going for you first. Going to break every bone in your body before using it one last time. Then I'm gonna rip your heart out.” He growled at me, eyes black.

I suppressed a shiver. “And there are the threats. Glad to see you are consistent, Dean.”

A sound behind me caught my attention and I looked up as Sam walked in, a cooler in his hand. He put the cooler down and held out a hand, his other arm still in a sling. I took the offered hand and jumped off the table. Together we walked out of the dungeon as Dean screamed taunts at us.

“You okay?” Sam asked, worried eyes searching my face. “I heard part of what he…”

I shook my head. “It doesn't matter what he said. I'm fine. Let's just do this so we can get the real Dean back.”

Sam nodded and I reached up to pull him down to me. I kissed him solidly, slipping my tongue between his lips to taste him. His good arm slid around my waist and pulled me tight against him. I relished in his strength. Letting all my worry wash away for a moment. Loosing myself in Sam, my Sam. My strong consistent Sam. Reminding myself that Dean's words were just lies to try and hurt me.

“I love you.” I whispered against his lips when we parted.

He smiled and kissed my forehead. “Love you too. Now go get some rest. You don't need to be here for this.”

I nodded and headed to my room while he headed into the dungeon to try and cure his brother.

\---

Red lights and an alarm woke me from an already fitful sleep. Confusion faded swiftly as I jumped off of Sam's bed. I didn't bother with shoes as I grabbed my gun from where I kept it on a dresser that had become mine. I didn't know what was going on but it couldn't be good. How long had I slept?

I listened at the door for a moment before opening it just a crack. The red lights reflected off the walls, casting eerie shadows down the stone halls. Carefully I made my way down the hall, straining to hear anything other than the alarm.

“Sammy!”

My blood ran cold at the sound of Dean's voice, full of malice, echoing through the halls. He was loose and clearly not cured. Fuck, I thought. I couldn't really tell which direction he was coming from.

I quickly back peddled. Where the fuck was Sam? Where would Sam have gone? I struggled to think. Where should I go? Dammit. All my years of being a hunter were failing me.

I didn't get the chance to puzzle it out. I backed right into a mass of solid muscle. I closed my eyes at my stupidity.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Dean's voice was low and a shiver went down my spine. I told myself it was fear, but I hated that I wasn't sure. Hated that my body still responded to this demonic version if the man I loved.

I spun to raise my gun but found myself slammed against the wall. The gun fell from my hands. I heard a gunshot ricochet around the stone hallway but had little time to acknowledge that neither of us were hit by the stray bullet. He slammed me against the wall and pain exploded down my back.

His hand wrapped around my throat, cutting off most of my ability to breathe. Frantically, I clawed at his hand, achieving very little. His eyes were black as he raised me a little up the wall so my legs dangled. A wicked grin slashed across his face as he raised a hammer in his other hand, letting the cool metal brush my cheek. “Do you remember what I said I'd do to you when I got out of those cuffs, sweetheart?”

I tried to scream, hoping Sam would hear me, but I only managed a strangled gasp. I reached further to try and claw at his eyes with my nails. I heard the sound of the hammer dropping as he caught my hands with his now free one and held them over my head. He laughed before claiming my mouth in a brutal kiss. His body pressed against mine and I felt him hard in his jeans. I wanted to cry but wouldn't let myself.  
His hand left my throat just when I thought I'd pass out from lack of oxygen and I gasped for breath through his kiss. I brought my teeth down hard on his tongue as it invaded my mouth. The Metallic taste of blood danced on my tongue and he howled in rage. He pulled back from me and slammed his fist into my face, throwing me to the floor.

Stars danced in front of my eyes as I tried to recover my senses. I screamed as the tank top I was wearing was torn down the middle. I heard his dark chuckle as my breasts were bared to the cool air and his black gaze.

Shit. Was this really happening? I thought as I tried to scoot away from him on my ass. What to do? What to do? My gun was too far out if my reach. The hammer he had dropped was behind him. My head spun. Where the hell was Sam?

“Dean!” The younger brother’s voice rang down the hall.

“Sammy. You know what? You can play too. I know how you get off on pain.” Dean taunted as he reached to lift me by my hair. I screamed in pain as the strands of my hair strained and tugged at my scalp.

“Let her go, Dean!”

“Okay.” Dean's voice was emotionless and I had little time to prepare as I was flung through the air. The air was knocked from my lungs as I hit the wall, pain exploded across the side of my face and my world went black.

\---

My head was pounding, back aching. My whole body felt like I'd done a few rounds with some werewolves or some shit. I slowly came to myself to realize I was laying in a bed. I peeked my eyes open to see that it was Sam's room.

Then the memories came back to me. Dean. His demon black eyes and his rough grip as he threw me around like a rag doll. Sam. Sam had shown up. But what happened after?

I sat up and a groan left my lips. “Fuck.” Pain exploded behind my eyes. Tears of pain rolled down my cheeks as I forced myself to my feet. Shaky legs carried me out of the room. Someone had replaced my torn tank top with one of Sam's old Stanford shirts. It was actually my favorite to steal from him, it was soft from years of wear and was long enough to reach mid thigh. You often couldn't see my shorts under it when I wore it.

I stumbled into the hall with a weird sense of deja vu. Leaning heavily on the walls I slowly made my way towards the kitchen first. Water. I need water.

I was a bit startled to see Sam sitting at the table nursing a beer. He looked tired with bags under his eyes and his hair in disarray. He looked up startled when I walked in. Immediately he jumped to his feet and made his way across the kitchen in a few strides.

“Toni. How do you feel?” His eyes were full of concern.

“I… owie.” I managed and raised a hand to my aching head. I finally felt the lump there and winced.

“Yeah, you clocked your skull pretty bad.” He said softly and I let him pull me to his chest with his good arm wrapped around my shoulders. I laid my head against his chest and smiled as I heard his heartbeat.

“And Dean….?” I whispered, almost afraid of the answer.

He let out a sigh. “We did it.”

I jerked back and immediately regretted the motion. Sam moved me around and planted me into a chair. “we did? Is he?”

“He's in his room. He's cured, Toni. Not a demon anymore.” Sam said as he knelt in front of me.

I opened my mouth and closed it so many times I felt like a fish. “I… you're sure?”

“Yeah. And Cass, he showed up just in time to help me take him down. Right after you were knocked unconscious.”

I nodded and looked around and Sam answered my question before I could speak it. “He had to leave again. Metatron business.”

I was silent for several moments. Dean was back. Human again. But part of me didn't want to see him. My most recent memories of my lover involved pain, abuse, and threats of rape and murder. I could tell myself that all of that wasn't Dean. And I knew that to be true. But it was still his face and voice I saw and heard.

I sat for a while with Sam. He made me a sandwich and I drank some water. A significant amount of pain killers later I stood. I needed a shower. Desperately.

I made my way down the halls, leaving Sam in the kitchen with his laptop and his beer. The bathrooms were around the next corner but I stopped short when I saw Dean in the hall. He was sitting against the wall, his legs pulled up to his chest, his face buried in his knees.

He heard me and looked up. I stopped short. Unsure of what to do. I could see the pain in his eyes from where I stood. Tears filled those green orbs. He breathed my name, so soft I wondered if he had actually said it. He stood, carefully, as if I were a deer and he feared startling me. As if he were afraid I'd run from him.

It took all my will power not to.

He moved towards me with the same caution. Finally, he stood before me, anguish and regret in his eyes before he fell to his knees. His arms wrapped around my waist and his faced buried into my stomach. And he cried.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get back to normal.

I sat on the bed I shared with Sam. My back to the headboard, my cell phone in my hands. It buzzed as another text message came through, Jody's name across the top of the words. I'd started texting her a while ago. She knew more about my relationship with the Winchester's than the boys themselves probably did. There had been many late night text conversations that usually left me feeling better about whatever had been bothering me.

I rarely called her, not wanting Sam or Dean to overhear any parts of the conversation that could get their man-panties in a twist.

So now, a week after Dean had been cured of being a demon, I sat texting up a storm to Jody.

" I just don't know what to do, Jody. I love him. I know he's not the demon anymore. But I just keep seeing those eyes and hearing those words over and over again."

"Have you talked to Sam about it?" She asked.

"What am I supposed to say? Hey, babe. I wanna bang Dean but I keep seeing black eyes and I'm afraid he'll hurt me. Got any advice?"

"I don't think that will go over well with Mr. Protective." I smiled at the nickname she'd invented for Sam, after all I had told her. "You've got to talk to them about it or you'll never get over it. You just need to ask yourself if you want to get over it." The rest of the text read.

I stared at the phone. Her last words striking a chord in my heart.

"Do I want to get over it?" I asked myself. I' d been wanting to make a choice, and now, the universe seemed to be presenting me with an opportunity. Worrying my lower lip with my teeth I thought it over.

"No." I said the word out loud to the empty room before quickly typing a message back to her. My decision had been made.

"Thank you, Jody. You've been a huge help."

I didn't wait for her reply. Throwing my phone down on the bed, I raced through the bunker. Dean and Sam were sitting at the table in the library, both looking at their laptops.

Dean raised his head to look at me before Sam did, and his expression was one of worry, guilt, and hope. Purposely, I strode across the room towards Sam. He raised an eyebrow at me as I bent to kiss him. I poured all my passion into that kiss, letting him feel every ounce of it.

I could hear Dean shifting uncomfortably in his seat and I pulled back from Sam.

" Can you be there, please? Like... Like he was when ..." I trailed off, knowing that he knew what I was referring to.

We had told him that when he had been possessed by Gadreel, Dean had almost always been present when I'd been intimate with Sam.

Recognition flashed in Sam's eyes and he raised a hand to caress my cheek. He kissed my lips tenderly and smiled. " Anything you want."

I nodded once and turned to Dean. He looked terribly uncomfortable but there was hope in those green eyes.

" Sweetheart, you don't... We don't have to do anything. Not until you're ready. Not ever if you don't want to. After what I did I wouldn't blame you."

I silenced him with a single finger pressed to his lips as I moved to straddle his lap in the chair. "It wasn't really you. I know that. And now I need to remind myself of that. I need to remind the both of us."

I watched his face as he searched my face. His eyes darted over my shoulder where I guessed Sam was still sitting. "And Sam?" Dean's voice was just a whisper.

" Insurance." I answered. "Like when that damn angel was in his head... And I wanted you there just in case." He nodded. "Same thing."

I flashed him a lustful smile. "And it was pretty hot before, right? You watching us... You don't mind the reversal do you?" I was suddenly worried that he wouldn't be interested. That this wasn't something he wanted.

He slid his hands over my hips to palm my ass with his large fingers. "If he doesn't mind, I don't mind. I've never minded sharing you with Sam. It's who we are. The three of us."

I watched as a strange look colored his face for a moment and I remembered the words the demon version of the elder Winchester had said. About how they only shared me because it was convient... that neither really wanted me, 'cause if they did they wouldn't be sharing.

I smiled and kissed him for the first time in too long. This wasn't the demon. This was Dean. My Dean. His hands slid under my shirt and I moaned at the feel against my skin. Our lips broke apart long enough for him to slide my shirt up over my head. It landed somewhere in the library. I didn't really care. We'd find it later. Or Cass would, and I'd laugh my head off on the look on his face when he did.

My fingers tangled in the short hairs at the nape of Dean's neck as our kisses grew more heated. His hands found my breasts, fingers rolling over my nipples. I could feel him hardening in his jeans and I rotated my hips, desperate for friction against my core.

Abruptly, his hands left my breasts and wrapped around my thighs. He stood, barely showing any strain at lifting my weight. I gasped and wrapped my arms around his neck. Sam stood as well and flashed a grin at me before he led the way down the hall.

Dean followed as I latched my teeth onto his neck. He moaned and halfway to his bedroom he pressed me against the wall. His lips finding my neck, nipping, licking, and sucking until he was certain there would be a mark where my neck met my shoulder. I gasped and threw my head back against the wall, my nails digging through the fabric of his shirt to his flesh.

He shifted his grip on my ass and pulled back from the wall to continue the walk to the bedroom. Sam had already opened the door as we stumbled through and landed in the bed in a tangled of limbs. My soft giggle was cut off as Dean's mouth found a nipple and lavished his tongue over it.

I let out a moan and arched off the bed a bit. My eyes caught Sam's heated gaze for a moment. He had taken the chair and had moved it so he would have his desired view of the bed. Long legs were stretched out in front of him as he lounged back in the chair. I could see his hard cock already straining against the confines of his jeans.

Dean continued working his way down my body, leaving wet kisses and little nips of his teeth down my stomach. A few deft movements with his fingers and my pajama shorts were slid down my hips, my panties taken along with them.

I lay bare on the bed with my legs dangling off the the end if it. Dean settled between my thighs and ran his hands up the length of my leg from ankle to hip. He bent to nuzzle the inside of my thigh and I hear a soft sigh from him. I opened eyes I didn't realize I'd closed and looked down at him.

His eyes caught mine and held for a moment, and I saw the pain and regret in them. I offered him a small smile.

"Dean Winchester if you don't fuck me right now I will kick your ass."

He smirked and I heard Sam chuckling from the side. I flashed him a fake glare and he raised his hands.

"Hey, you kicking his ass is just as hot as watching you two fuck. I'm good either way."

My response was cut off as Dean lowered his mouth to my clit and slide two fingers inside me. I cried out with pleasure, squirming under him. Fucking hell, he knew how to make me writhe and squirm.

The fingers of my hand tangled in his short hair and the other twisted in the sheets above my head. A third finger joined the other two and his teeth grazed my clit. I cried out and bucked my hips. "Fuck, Dean!"

I heard a rustle of clothing and caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Through my pleasure induced fog, I saw Sam pull his cock out from his jeans and lazily start stroking it. My grin at his response to watching us was cut off with another cry as Dean twisted his fingers just right and my orgasm hit me like a freight train.

My thighs squeezed around his head and I screamed as I arched and writhed. He hungrily licked at my cunt as I came, drawing it out until I was shuddering and gasping. Seeing that grin on his face at any other time would have made me want to slap him. But right now, I just wanted to scream how much I loved him.

He stood to disposed of his clothes. Regaining a few of my senses I managed to scoot back on the bed so my head was resting on the pillows. Dean slowly crawled up my body, his eyes locked on me. His lips caught mine and I could taste myself in our kiss. I moaned, arching up towards him, eager to feel all of him on my skin.

Our tongues dueled for a moment before I caught his lower lip between my teeth. I tugged a bit and he groaned into my mouth. He shifted and pulled my leg up to rest over his hip. Then those hips moved and he sank into me. I gasped into his mouth as he moaned into mine.

I loved how he felt inside me. Stretching me. Filling me. It was always an amazing feeling. He stayed very still for a moment and we listened to each other breathe. Then he moved.

His hips thrust into me over and over. Slowly at first then gaining speed. I arched and threw my head back as pleasure flowed through me, urging me closer to the edge.

My eyes caught Sam's again. His hazel eyes were fixed on us, full of lust as he stroked his cock over and over. The length of it was hard, throbbing, and that lovely reddish purple color. I could see the vein running down the underside of it pulsing. I found myself wanting to lick up the length of him.

Dean noticed my eyes and dipped his head to my ear. "You want him, too." It wasn't a question.

My eyes snapped to his and opened my mouth to say something. Something long the lines of how this moment was supposed to be about me and Dean, or that Sam and I could play another time. However, he silenced my inner questions with a nip on my ear. "You want to taste him while I fuck you."

Again, it wasn't a question. He was just stating facts. I didn't know how to respond. Especially not as he picked up the pace of his thrusts, carrying me almost to the edge. Almost making me cum, then slowing down so that I didn't.

Dean's face was still buried in my neck as he made some sort of gesture to Sam and I watched the taller man raise an eyebrow, before standing up. Neither said a word as Dean slipped an arm around my waist and repositioned me on the bed. My head hung off the side of the bed and I found myself looking right at Sam's hard length.

Dean wasted no time in getting back into his rhythm as Sam guided his cock into my mouth. The angle made it very easy to slip past my lips and down my throat. I forced my throat to relax. Truly I was fairly used to having Sam's cock down my throat. It was a game he liked to play.

I couldn't really see either of them anymore, so I closed my eyes and just revell in the sensations of them fucking me. My hands gripped the back of Sam's thighs and wrapped my legs around Dean's hips. They always seemed to fall into a rhythm easily. Dean's thrusts moved my body back and forth just enough that my throat glided along Sam's cock.

"Fucking Hell, sweetheart. I can see him in your throat. Fuck that's hot." I heard Dean grunt out. I would have smiled or laughed if my mouth hadn't been full of Sam. So I moaned. Sam's breath hitched as my throat vibrated around him with my moan.

"Toni, you keep that up and my part in this will be over." Sam replied, trailing a hand down my throat and reaching to tweak one of my nipples.

I arched my back a bit and Dean gripped my hip with one hand, picking up his pace. Together, they fucked me until I was a mess. Dean flicked his thumb over my clit and I cried out around Sam's cock as I came.

I felt and heard Sam cumming in my mouth rather than tasting it. He pulsed and his legs shook a little before he pulled back and away from my mouth. My throat was going to be very sore tomorrow.

Sam knelt by my head, a hand fisted in my hair, holding my head up as Dean chased his own release. "One more, Toni. Can you give him one more?"

I couldn't respond, my brain wasn't working enough to form words. Dean's hands gripped my thighs and lifted them higher, changing the angle at which he slammed into me. His pace quickened and I panted and cried out through my sore throat.

"C'mon princess." He echoed in a grunt. "Cum for me."

It took a couple more moments before my body spasmed once more. I shook and cried out, my back arching as I writhed. Dean let out a road of his own as I felt him go still and pulse inside me. A moment later he dropped his hold on my thighs and fell forward. He caught himself on his arms and leaned down to pull me into a kiss.

"Fucking hell, Toni. I love you. I love you so much." I could see tears that threatened to spill from his eyes and I smiled.

"I love you too." I answered, kissing him again.

Together we shifted positions until I was sprawled across Dean's chest and Sam laid spooned against my back. The younger brother was propped up on one elbow and drew little designs up and down my side with his fingers.

"I love you too, Sam."

I could feel him smile as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my head. "I know."

Things were back to where they should be... With the three of us at least.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst and Smut.   
> Dean is getting worse.  
> Toni spends some alone time with Sam.

Claire clung to me as she cried. I was on the verge of crying too but I tried to keep the reaction to myself and out of my eyes. The girl didn't need my pain added to hers.

The image of that house wouldn't leave my mind.

Blood. Blood everywhere. It had been a long time since I'd last seen carnage like that. It had been even longer since the blood in such a scene had been human. And I'd never seen much less imagined that the blood would have been shed by the hands of a man I loved.

The image of Dean's dazed face while Sam tried to get him to talk about what happened in those few minutes since we'd left the house would haunt me forever.

The Mark. It had to have been the Mark.

Now Claire and I sat as far away from that house as we could get.

I liked her. The kid had spunk. Her life had been torn to pieces because of the apocalypse, and she had the reminder of Cass wearing the visage of her father to remind her of that loss.

Now, the guy who had pseudo replaced Jimmy Novak in her life was dead as well. Nevermind that the man had basically traded her rape for his debts. She didn't see it that way. Maybe one day she would, but not right now.

I watched as Sam ushered Dean into the Impala and nodded to him then gestured to the girl in my arms. He nodded and seemed to understand that I'd catch up later.

I sat with Claire until she calmed down. Cass hovered not too far away, looking as awkward as ever. The angel was a good friend, and he was better than he used to be, but his awkwardness was still his most obvious trait. Adorable and awkward, that was my Cass.

"Why?" I barely heard Claire's words.

I took a deep breath and tried to find an answer. "There's... something inside Dean that makes him... Unable to control himself..."

"No." She pulled back, her eyes wide. "Why are you with him? I mean, he's a monster. Why do you stay with him? He killed all those people! He killed Randy!"

I sighed. "I know. But I also know that the man I love, the real Dean, he isn't like that. He's a good man. But this Mark... It's changed him. If we can remove it... He'll get better."

She stood and clenched her fists. "He's not worth it."

I closed my eyes for a moment and then looked up at her. "Maybe. Maybe not. But to me, he is. Both Sam and Dean, I've been through everything with them. I won't abandon them now."

I stood up before continuing. "I'm not asking you to forgive him, Claire. I'm not even asking you to understand. I'm just asking you not to do anything stupid."

She wiped the tears that were starting to dry on her face. With an irritated glance at Cass who was still hovering nearby, she huffed and stormed down the road. I let out a breath and watched her go. Cass started to walk after her and I held up a hand.

"Let her go, Cass. She needs time alone. She's not the type to be coddled." I walked over to him, shoving my hands in my pockets as we watched the blonde girl storm off into the night.

"I cannot leave her alone, Antoinette." Cass answered and I shook my head. He was one of the few people I would tolerate calling me by my full name. "She is my responsibility."

"Yes. I understand that. But I've been that girl, I was where she is once... all that hurt and pain and angst. You can't besiege her with protectiveness. You've got to let her find her own way. And for that to happen, she needs to deal with the pain on her own." I gave him a friendly hug. "Keep an eye on her but don't try to control her."

He didn't say anything, his eyes still on the girl's back as she walked away.

I let out a tired sigh. "I need to get to my boys."

\---

The trip back to the bunker was silent. None of us dared say a word as Sam drove. That right there said a lot. Sam drove while Dean stared blankly out the window. There was no music, no jokes, no amusing innuendos about fun that would happen when we got home, no comments about whether I needed to go dancing after the hunt. No, it was a long, empty, painful silence. Our thoughts could almost be heard in the palpable tension that surrounded us within the confines of the car. My ears almost hurt from the lack of noise and the volumes of unsaid words.

We got to the bunker in almost record time, having barely stopped once for gas and a bathroom break. Sam barely had the car in park before Dean climbed out and made a beeline for his room without a word to either of us.

I sighed and leaned against the car, watching his back disappear down the hall. I felt rather than saw Sam come to a stop next to me.

"We'll figure it out." He said softly.

I nodded and closed my eyes, letting my body sink a little against the car. "I know..."

Eventually, we headed inside. Sam dropped his things in his room and headed straight for the showers.

As for me, I found myself vacillating. Long ago we'd developed an organic system when it came to where my stuff went. Technically I had a room that was my own, but I never spent much time in there. My things were divided between Sam's and Dean's rooms. It was often a joke when I couldn't find a particular item of clothing. Which room did I leave it in this time? But it often became difficult to know where I was supposed to go in situations like today.

Dean had gone off the deep end. Sam was upset. Hell I was upset! Should I go to Dean? Or follow Sam to the showers? Or just spend some time alone.

Being in a relationship with both of them wasn't always about awesome sex or getting the best of both worlds. It was also difficult. It took a lot of work to make sure I wasn't neglecting one or the other. And who did you comfort first? I wished in some ways I could divide myself in half. But I couldn't.

I stood staring at Dean's closed bedroom door for several moments, and hearing the shower running down the hall. I sighed and turned to my own room. If I couldn't choose between them in that moment... Then I was going to choose myself. Make sure I was alright, then face the brothers.

\----

I hadn't intended to fall asleep, so when I woke on the bed of my room, I was very confused at first. One of the downfalls of the bunker was the lack of windows to give some sort of clue as to what time of day it was. I fumbled around for my phone and saw that many hours had passed and it was near noon. I frowned and climbed out of bed with a groan. Just because I was used to sleeping in my jeans and bra, didn't mean I enjoyed it or that it was magically comfortable to have an underside stabbing into the side of my breast.

I pulled out a change of clothes and stumbled to the shower. Dean's door was still closed but Sam's room was empty. I frowned again but forced my feet to the shower instead of searching for the taller brother.

I hooked up the Bluetooth on my phone to the water proof speakers Sam had gotten me for my birthday and started the water as music started to play. I lost myself in the best of the music and the feel of the water pressure for a long while. Like dancing, showers helped me wash away a lot of the tension and stress. It helped me think and figure out what to do next.

Eventually, when my fingers were starting to prune, I finished washing my hair and got out of the shower.

Part of me was a little saddened by the fact that neither Winchester had decided to join me. It wasn't every time that they suddenly also needed a shower, but often times one or the other would hear the water and the music and decide that they needed the feel of wet flesh and I rarely complained.

Dried off and dressed, my hair wrapped in a towel, I headed out of the shower and in search of Sam. Dean's door was still closed and I sighed. I didn't blame him. Not really.

I found Sam hunched over some books in the library. His hair was in his eyes and he looked like he hadn't slept well at all. He didn't look up until I hopped a little to sit on the table next to the book he was reading.

"Hey."

"Hey." He answered, pushing his hair out of his eyes with both hands.

"You okay?" I asked, catching one of his hands and lacing my fingers with his.

"Slept like crap." He answered.

"Sorry. I... I didn't intend to pass out..." I answered.

He shrugged. "You needed it. I didn't want to wake you and I would have kept you awake anyway."

I smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss him. We lingered in the kiss for a while. It wasn't particularly passionate or desperate. Just pure comfort in knowing each other was there.

"And Dean?"

He shook his head. "Hasn't left his room that I've seen."

I frowned and nodded. We sat in silence for a bit before I moved and climbed into his lap. I sat across him, my arm around his neck and my face snuggled against his chest. His arms curled around me and held me close, his nose buried in my hair.

We sat like that for a long while, just taking comfort in each other's presence. I could feel his heart beating and hear his breathing and it calmed me. Sam was always a calming force for me. I could just bury myself in him and feel grounded.

After several minutes I raised my head and laid a kiss against his neck. I saw the corners of his mouth twitch a little. I shifted a little and trailed kisses up his neck to his ear, catching the love between my teeth.

His breath hitched and his arms tightened around me. "Toni...?"

I couldnt tell if my name on his lip was a warning or a question. "Yes, sir?" I asked in a small voice.

His eyes darkened but then he let out a long sigh and didn't say anything. Frowning I pulled back from where I had been laying kisses and searched his face. It had been a while since we had played our games. We'd had sex, sure, but it had been quite a while since I called him sir, since I'd heard him call me "little girl" before taking control. Did he not want to anymore? Was it too much? I fought against the rejection that caused a pit to form in my stomach.

He closed his eyes as I studied him and didn't move. "I... I'm sorry." I started. "I just... Thought maybe you'd want to... We don't have to." I rambled in one breath, ducking my head, fighting the desire to run to my room in embarrassment.

He opened his eyes and shook his head, his eyes dark and full of lust. "That's... That's not it, Toni." He answered. "We've just been dealing with so much. I didn't think you'd want... That. With everything that happened with Dean..." He sighed before leaning forward to kiss me. It was a passionate, consuming kiss that shook me to my core. I tangled my hands in his hair as one of his hands cupped the back of my neck and held me close to me.

He pulled back a few moments later and pressed his forehead to mine. "What I want to do to you, Toni. I just can't... Not without knowing how unpredictable Dean is right now."

I tilted my head, noticing that he was still purposely using my name instead of 'little girl', "And what do you want to do to me?"

"Toni..." He warned. And I shifted in his lap, feeling where he was growing hard under my ass.

"What? Just because we can't do it right now, doesn't mean you can't tell me..." I answered.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, moving me so I was straddling his thighs in the chair. "I want to tie you to my bed so you can't move... Then blindfold you so you can't see what's happening..." He said in a low voice. I could feel the rumble in his chest as he spoke. One hand came up and brushed my red hair from the side of my neck. He wrapped that hand around the back of my neck again and used my neck to pull me closer.

"I'd leave you there for a bit... Making you wonder what I was going to do. Then the possibilities are endless." He dragged his lips over my neck. I could feel little nips amongst the kisses and I moaned, rotating my hips a little so that I rubbed against the buldge growing in his pants. "I bought that flogger a few months back, you know. Haven't really gotten to use it."

I moaned at the thought.

"Oh you like that?" He asked. "Are you wet right now thinking about it?"

I nodded and arched a little against him.

"Use your words, little girl." He fisted a hand in my hair and tugged lightly.

I whimpered and answered, "Yes..."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes sir." I whispered back.

"Good girl." He pulled my lips to his and kissed me. His hand in my hair held me close to him as he devoured my mouth. My own hands fisted in his shirt, clinging to him desperately.

His hand slipped between us, past the waistband on my pants and panties, deftly finding my core. I moaned and squirmed.

"You are drenched." He groaned in my ear.

He flicked his fingers across my clit, causing a cry to rip from my throat. Those practiced fingers knew just where to touch and how much pressure to use to get me near screaming. My body was on fire and I squirmed, so close to the edge.

Then just as swiftly, he pulled his fingers away. I nearly cried out from the sudden shift. A moment later, he had manuevered me so I sat on my knees in front of him. My hands wandered over his jeans clad thighs as he pulled himself out of his pants. My mouth watered as I watched him fist his cock. His free hand gathered my hair like he was pulling it back into a pony tail.

I gave over all control to him, letting him manuever my mouth where he wanted me. I moaned at the taste of his flesh on my tongue. Using my hair as a handle he moved me up and down a few times, barely a few inches of his cock making it past my lips. He pulled me back and tilted my head so I was facing him. The strands of my hair tugged at my scalp in a way that was almost painful.

"You know what to do if it's too much?" He asked, his voice still low.

I nodded and his hand tightened in my hair. "Show me, little girl."

I whimpered slightly and solidly tapped his thigh three solid times. "Good girl." He barely have me enough time to take a breath before his cock was in my mouth again.

The pace he set was brutal but not unmanageable. I opened my jaw wide and did my best to relax my throat to better let him fuck my mouth. Still, I gagged at he hit the back of my throat and pushed further. Eyes watering, I gripped his thighs to maintain my balance.

He was murmuring under his breath and I could just barely hear him beyond the sounds I was making. "Such a good girl. Like it when I fuck your throat?"

I couldn't answer him with my words but my body responded. I could feel how soaking wet I was. My panties were drenched. Unconsciously I rubbed my thighs together, desperate for some kind of friction.

He noticed.

Swiftly he pulled me off his cock and held my head in a slightly uncomfortable angle by my hair. "Does my little girl wants to be fucked?"

I whimpered and nodded. Fucking hell did I want to be fucked right now. I was near wild with the need to feel him inside my cunt. I needed him. Sam. My Sam. I needed him to let loose and fuck me until I couldn't walk straight.

His hand twisted in my hair and I gasped. "What have I told you about using your words, little girl?"

"Yes, sir. Please..." I whispered.

"Please what?" His eyes were dark with lust. I loved when he looked at me like that. There was so much lust and control, but I could see utter devotion in those eyes as well.

"Please, sir. Please fuck me."

He lifted me from the floor and laid me out on the table. I don't know when he moved the laptop, books and papers that had been strewn all over the surface, but nothing stabbed me as I laid back. Our pants landed in a pile on the floor and he nearly ripped my shirt from my body.

His hands slid up my legs and lifted my hip so my thigh hooked around his hip. In a single motion, he slammed home inside me. A cry tore from my lips as I arched at the feel of him so deep. One hand braced his weight over me while the other gripped my hip tight enough that I knew I'd have bruises.

His pace was just as brutal as when he fucked my mouth. I clutched at him and rode the waves of pleasure that crashed through me over and over. My orgasm hit me like a truck and I screamed my pleasure. Sam bent to catch my lips, swallowing down most of my screams as I writhed under him. My other leg lifted to clench around his waist, giving him better access.

He continued his pace through my climax, nibbling on my lips as he kissed me. Once I came down from my high he lifted him back so he stood with both my hips in his hands. That grip on my hips let him pick up his pace.

I lifted my hands above my head to grip the opposite edge of the table, holding on as I watched him. Sam's gaze was intense as he pounded into my cunt, his hair wild from the effort. He moved one hand from my hip and flicked his thumb over my clit.

I moaned and squirmed at the feeling, he was driving me towards the edge again. Just as I felt like I was going to explode, he removed the pressure from my clit. I whimpered in frustration but the moment he slipped a finger alongisd this cock my world broke apart. The extra, unexpected stretch sent waves of pleasure and pain through me. I cried out again as my body clamped down around him, spasming as I came again.

His rhythm stuttered and he slammed home hard three times before he stilled. His legs trembled and he fell forward, catching himself heavily on both arms, palms flat on the table next to my head. I clung to him as we both trembled and came down from our high.

Once he had caught his breath, he lifted me into his arms and carried me towards the showers. After washed and cared for, I curled into his side on his bed. I'd worried about Dean again after a nap.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is more to a relationship than sex... Sometimes it's just about being there when everything is spinning around you in a Whirlwind.

Sam, Dean and I sat at the table in the bunker. I sat on the table carefully cleaning the blood and cuts on Dean's face and hands as he quietly drank coffee from his mug. He had taken down Cain, the father of murder and previous owner of the Mark. It had needed to be done, but it had meant reconnecting with the First Blade and channeling the power of the Mark. It was clear that it had taken a toll on the elder Winchester.

Sam stood, grabbing my empty cup to refill it and his own. "Dean, um, you know, what you did back there, it was incredible. You know, if you can do that without losing yourself..."

Sam's voice to the untrained ear sounded confident and hopeful as he returned to the table with our mugs. Even though I knew better, I still smiled up at him softly, in thanks for the coffee as he took a seat opposite Dean. "... That's cause for hope, even without a cure."

"Yeah. Maybe." Dean didn't sound convinced. I wasn't sure I was either but I wasn't going to say that out loud. Right now, he needed me to be the supportive girlfriend. And that's who I was going to be.

A few moments later Castiel walked into the room. I smiled at him as Dean looked up, gripping my hand a little tighter.

"So, where's the Blade?" Dean asked.

"Somewhere safe." Cass answered in his normal stoic fashion.

"Good. Well, if you guys will excuse me, I think I am gonna go sleep for about four days." Dean responded before rising from his chair.

"I'll come with you." I added and hopped down from the tabletop. Quickly I bent to kiss Sam, and catching the worried look in his eye, I kissed him a second time.

I hurried back around the table and slipped one hand into Dean's waiting one and half wrapped myself around his arm, almost hugging it to my chest. As we passed Cass, Dean reached out with his free hand and patted the angel on the shoulder.

We left Sam and Cass alone and I knew Sam would tell me anything that was discussed later, so I put it out of my mind. I shepherded Dean down the hall and straight into a shower.

"I can undress myself, sweetheart." He mumbled as I pushed off his flannel and started to unfasten his jeans.

"I know. But I want to do this..." I flashed him a smile.

"I... I can't believe I'm saying this but, I don't think I'm up for shower sex tonight." He said softly and I laughed a little.

"Not everything is about sex, my love." I replied as I pulled his undershirt over his head. "Sometimes I just want to take care of you. Because I love you."

He didn't argue anymore, instead he just let me finish undressing him. Then he helped me, my own clothes joining his on the bathroom floor. We found our way under the spray and for several moments we relished in the feel of the water, heat, and being close to each other.

He started to protest when I grabbed his soap and washcloth and started to wash the evidence of today from his skin, but with a look from me, he shut his mouth. I paid careful attention to my task, cleaning each and every part of him. I wanted all signs from today's events to be washed down with the drain.

Once I finished, I smiled up at the almost sirene look on his face. His eyes were tortured when he opened them. Laying a palm on his cheek I raised up on my toes to kiss him. He let out a sigh into my mouth and I could taste the salt of a single tear that rolled from his eye.

With a staggered breath he pulled back and grabbed my shower puff. "You don't need to..." I started to argue, but he raised a single eyebrow at me. That eyebrow dared me to argue. Without a word, he said I let you wash me, now I'm going to return the favor. So, I shut my mouth and smiled at him.

He chose one of the six body washes that I kept in the shower. He often made fun of me but secretly he liked half of them. Sam liked the other half. So I kept them all on hand when I could. The scent of vanilla filled the bathroom alongside the spicier scent of his soap and I smiled.

I watched him through hooded lids as he ran the poof over every inch of my skin. When he was done he pulled my shampoo from the shelf and proceeded to wash my hair. I didn't argue and I didn't want to. Those practiced fingers had learned over our many years together how to wash my hair in such a way that I turned into pudding in his hands.

Once my hair was shampooed, conditioned, and rinsed, and our bodies thoroughly washed, we finally emerged from the shower. I was not ashamed to admit that I was horribly spoiled by these Men of Letters' showers.

We dried off and headed towards his room, his arm wrapped around my shoulder and my arm around his waist. Just enjoying the feel of skin against skin.

Laying on the bed, my head resting over his heart I started to doze off. "Toni? You still awake?" His voice was the barest if whispers.

"Mmhmm" I answered sleepily.

He sighed a little, "Nevermind. Go to sleep." His lips touched my hair in a kiss and I struggled to pull myself from my sleepy haze.

"No. What is it?" I mumbled and raised up on one elbow.

I watched him as he debated whatever it was he wanted to say. Several times his mouth opened and closed. One hand ran over his face before his courage finally stuck

"What if I can't control it? It's getting harder and harder... And today..." He sighed and left his hand over his eyes. "How many times have I lost it and hurt people? How long until I hurt someone I care about...like Sam... or you... I already hurt Charlie."

I cringed thinking about our recent encounter with the geeky redhead. She'd come back from the Land of Oz in two bodies, one was good and one was literally her evil twin. Dean had beaten the evil one to a pulp, even knowing that everything he did to one incarnation of Charlie affected the other. Even though Charlie had forgiven him, it was clear that Dean hadn't forgiven himself.

"You won't hurt me, Dean." I answered him and kissed his cheek.

"But I already have... Many times. And not just when I was a demon... even before I had the Mark I was already hurting you. Maybe not physically... But I still caused you pain." He refused to look at me as he spoke.

"Dean..."

"Despite it all, I can't give you up. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'd be so much worse, that's for sure. I need you... its so selfish of me, I know that. I just can't stop. But I just hope I won't do any more permanent damage than I already have." His hand clutched me closer to him.

"Dean. I'm not going anywhere. I will always be here for you. For you and Sam. I love you. And you're stuck with me." I responded. "I'm not going to leave and I'm not going to let you leave again either. We are in this together and we will figure out this thing with the Mark."

He didn't say anything else. Instead his arms wrapped tightly around me. The arm with the Mark seemed hotter. I figured it was my mind playing games. Like just knowing it was there, maybe expecting the extra warmth, made me believe that heat was there when it wasn't.

Regardless, I tightened my own grip on him and pressed myself close to him. Falling asleep in his arms was rarely difficult and even with the stress and drama, tonight was no different and I drifted off to the sound of his heartbeat.

The bed was empty when I awoke and my heart sank. He wasn't sleeping again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...the Book  & the Stynes...

It was well after sunset as the Impala sped down the road. Music played from the speakers and Dean seemed to be in a good mood. Which was odd considering everything that had been happening.

We were on our way to meet Charlie. The little redheaded geek had managed to find the Book of the Damned and now there were people after it... And after her.

"What?" Dean's voice cut through the music and I looked up to see him talking to his brother.

Sam reached forward and shut off the radio. "Nothing. Nothing, I just haven’t seen you like this in a while, that’s all."

Dean shrugged. "It’s a good song, man. Shut up."

"Yeah, it’s…."

"Look, man, it has been one crap sandwich after another for the past few weeks, okay? You heard Charlie. We got a shot at fixing this thing, so if that don’t put gas in your tank, well…" I smirked a little at Dean optimism. It was a rare thing to see and Sam was right, it had been a while since there had been any pep in the older Winchester's step.

"If by “shot” you mean a spell in a book that we can’t read that’s currently being tracked…" Sam tried to be he reasonable one.

"We’re due for a win, okay? Overdue. I’ll tell you another thing, if this actually does work, we’re gonna take some time off." Dean responded and I laughed.

"What, like a vacation?" Sam looked incredulous.

"And I’m not talking just like a weekend in Vegas or sitting in some crap motel watching pay-per-porn. No, I’m talking about a beach. Drinking cervezas, go for a swim, mingle with the local wildlife. When was the last time any one of us was on a beach?" Dean caught my eyes in the rear view mirror and I smiled back at him.

Sam looked over his shoulder at me then back at Dean. "Never."

"About three years ago." I answered with a smirk.

"Sand between our toes, Sammy. Sand between our toes. And our girl in a skimpy bikini, Sam." Dean winked at me in the mirror.

I burst out laughing. "Oh I don't think I'm a bikini kinda girl. I do more of a one piece."

"Whatever. Swimsuits, ocean, and our girl. That's what I want." He answered as he turnned the radio back on, letting the music fill the car once more.

\-----  
Sam and Dean were arguing about the Book of the Damned and I already knew where it was going to go. The book was calling to Dean. To the Mark. The evil of it was tempting him every second he was close to it.

And I knew my boys enough to know the argument they were having. Sam was determined to do anything to save his brother. Both of them had moved heaven, hell, and earth to save each other numerous times before.

As far as Sam was concerned this was no different. Dean, however, felt like he wasn't worth saving. He'd had so much hope in the car driving here, but something about actually seeing the book, it was like the rug had been pulled out from under his feet.

So I knew the argument, and I couldn't stand and watch it. While I agreed with Sam, I didn't want to make Dean feel like we were hanging up on him. That never went over well with the elder brother.

"Hey." I said softly as Dean came out of the cabin with a serious look in his face. "You're leaving?" I asked and hoped that voice didn't sound pained.

He shook his head. "Just to get snacks. Wanna come with?" He asked as he fished out his keys.

"Sure." I answered and ran back inside to kiss Sam swiftly. Dean had the car started by the time I slid into the passenger seat.

"You gonna say something?" He asked a minute later as he drove.

"'Bout what?" I asked, shifting my legs so they were proper up on the dash. He used to tell me off whenever I did this, but years ago, he dropped the fight as a battle he couldn't win. Besides, he knew I meant no disrespect to Baby. That and the fact I always wiped the dash off afterwards.

"The book, Sam, the Mark... I dunno." He answered with a frustrated sigh.

I reached over and ran a few fingers through his hair. "Dean. I love you and I'm going to do whatever I have to do to help you. Whatever it takes, ultimately whether you like it or not. But I'm also not going to argue with you. Because that achieves very little with you, my love. I've learned that a long time ago."

The sigh he let out was less stressed.

"I had hoped this book would be the answer."

"And maybe it still is..."

"But at what cost?" He liked defeated for a moment and it broke my heart.

We pulled into the Gas n Sip a moment later and sat there for a few minutes. I pulled my legs back and under me so I was half kneeling on the bench seat. I ran my hands through his hair. "We'll figure it out. One way or another."

I kissed him with all my heart before pressing my forward to his. We sat there for several moments. Just reveling in the presence of each other.

He smacked my ass gently. "Okay let's get snacks and get back."

I nodded and we climbed out of the Impala. My hand naturally slipped into his as we walked into the store. A man stood oddly behind the counter and greeted us as we walked in. I couldn't place the feeling that crawled over my skin as he looked at me so I gripped Dean's hand a little harder.

Together we grabbed some snacks. I made sure to grab a few of the healthier options I knew Sam liked as well as my favorite chocolates and chips. I stood a little behind Dean as we laid the items on the counter.

"Okay then, that’ll be $15.75." The man behind the counter said. And Dean pulled out a twenty. The tattoo on the man's wrist caught my attention as he took the money. Shit! That was the tattoo Charlie said belonged to the family hunting her and the book.

"You two heading home or you just passing through?" The man tried to seem casual but I knew Dean had seen the tattoo as well.

"We're just passing through." Dean answered as he casually looked around.

"Yeah. He promised me a beach!" I added, deliberately sounding like a clueless ditz.

"That I did, sweetheart.... Must get awful lonely out here all by yourself." Dean added and I followed his eyes to the mirror and the dead body on the floor behind the register, at the feet of the man currently standing there.

The man barely answered before Dean's gun was out and pointing at him. "Don’t move. Hands where I can see them."

"Don’t you want your change?" The man threw the change in Dean’s face as another man grabbed me from behind. I screamed and kicked, but a knife to my throat stopped my movements.

A third man had grabbed Dean and the first was now holding a knife to him.

"Now…who might you be?" He glanced down and saw the Mark on Dean's arm and his eyes lit up. "Well, hello there. Where’d a back-road nothing like you get their hands on something like that?"

"What’s it to you, Mr. Styne?" Dean replied.

"My friends call me Jacob."

"Well, we ain’t your friends."

Jacob gestured to the snacks, "Those wouldn’t happen to be treats for that other redheaded little gal, now, would they?"

"They're for me, duh. I'm PMSing something fierce." I responded which earned me a glare. But he ignored me and kept talking to Dean, like I didn't matter to him. I wasn't the right redhead they were looking for and they know it.

"Y’all hid the book, didn’t you? Lead-lined little number, I’m betting."  
Dean glared. "I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about."

I started to ignore Jacob's monologue in favor of developing a plan but a bit caught my attention, drawing me back to his unwitting information dump.

"See, the Book of the Damned, it wants to be found. It wants to come home. Let me guess. You want to use it to get that gift off of your arm, don’t you? Power is wasted on the weak. Now the book... can remove that Mark. But you mess around with that, you’re gonna do far more harm than good. So, why don’t you do the right thing here, boy, and tell me where that book is."

"Yeah, sure, I’ll tell you." Dean responded and my eyes went wide as he mumbled something.

Jacob clearly didn't understand his mistake as he leaned closer to Dean. His stupidity was greeted with a headbutt.

Dean knocked the man holding him off as Jacob stumbled back. I slammed my elbow back against the guy holding me and shifted my weight to throw him off balance. I ducked out if his grasp and took cover behind some shelves as Dean dived for his gun on the ground. Pointing the gun up at the man coming at him, Dean fired shot after shot as he pushed himself along the floor away from the man. I stared in shock as the the man kept walking, seemingly unaffected by the bullets riddling his chest.

Finally the man fell to the ground. Dean reloaded his gun and stood, looking around the store. Jacob was gone. Slowly, I stood from behind the shelves and Dean spun, gun at the ready, eyes looking for a threat. Those green eyes landed on me and immediately he put away the gun.

"You okay?" He asked as I took several steps to reach his side.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm okay. You?" I asked as I slid an arm around his waist. I needed to be close to him. I could smell his sweat and hear his heartbeat nearly as fast as my own.

He nodded and fished out his phone.

"Dammit." The screen was shattered. "C'mon. We gotta get back. Fast."

I agreed, grabbing the snacks and following him out of the store and to the car...

\---  
A few days later...

I sat curled on the bed with Dean as we watched Star Wars on his laptop. We needed some down time. It wasn't the vacation we'd talked about, but it was always nice to just relax for a bit. Sam was out buying snacks or something but he'd told us to go ahead and start the movie.

The book was destroyed. Sam had taken care of that when the Styne's attacked the cabin Charlie had been hiding in. I was upset but I wasn't going to let Dean see it. We would find a way to rid him of the Mark. I knew it.

We finished A New Hope and we're half way through Empire Strikes Back when Sam finally wandered in.

"Hey. How long does it take to get snacks?" Dean asked.

"Sorry. Got caught up. The first two places were out of dark chocolate orange milanos and I didn't want to disappoint my girl." Sam answered with a smile as he handed me the package of cookies. What I'd told the stupid Styne asshole hadn't been that far off the mark. I was PMSing something fierce.

"Forgiven!" I exclaimed and leaned up to kiss him before scooting closer to Dean to make room for the taller brother. It took a couple minutes before all three of us were comfortable, but we had done this enough times over the years to kinda have a clue.

Sam's arm draped over my shoulders while Dean's wrapped around my waist. I was angled to my back was mostly pressed against Sam and my legs lounged over Dean's.

We would switch a few times over the course of the movies...  
And if the past was any indication, I knew would fall asleep long before the final credits rolled.

This is where I belonged. Between them, forever by their sides. Come what May...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 10 ends....

I knew it was Sam who entered the kitchen without needing to turn around. Dean was in the garage washing Baby. He'd already broken several things and obliterated quite a few targets in the gun range.

WashingBaby meant he had calmed down at least a little bit. Me, on the other hand, I was on my fifth beer of the morning. Yes, morning. I don't know how many I'd had the night before, but if the empty bottle of Jack in the trash told me anything, I'd moved past beer at some point in the evening.

I just couldn't get the image of Charlie - sweet, innocent, geeky, quirky, Charlie - dead in that motel room bathtub out of my head. Every time I closed my eyes I saw it. Every time I blinked. Sometimes with my eyes wide open I saw it. When it wasn't the image of her bloody and broken in that tub, it was the image of the pyre we'd built. She'd gotten a Hunter's funeral. But she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve this life. She was too good for it.

"You do not want to be near me right now, Sam." I said in a surprisingly clear voice. Anger would do that to me. It doesn't matter how much alcohol I'd had. If I was pissed, I enunciated.

"Toni, I..." He started and I held up a hand.

"I mean it. I do not want to talk to you." I didn't. I didn't want to look at him, speak to him, acknowledge his existence in my life right now.

"Toni, please... Let me..."

"No!" I screamed as I spun and flung the half empty beer bottle at his head. He dodged it fairly cleanly as it shattered against the wall behind him. He stood there, eyes wide and hands slightly outstretched as if he expected another attack. "You don't get to talk." I growled at him. "You don't get to say a fucking word. You had numerous chances to open your God damn mouth. To tell me what was going on. But you didn't. Instead, you lied. Not only to Dean, but to me! Sam, you lied to me! You haven't done that since the demon blood crap years ago! All those times you left and were gone for long periods of time... Then wouldn't really say where you were..." I laughed humorlessly before continuing. "You know, I thought you were cheating on me." His eyes widened at that but I kept going. "I thought maybe you were sick of me... Sick of sharing, so you'd found someone else. I wondered if I was being selfish... I half convinced myself that if you could share me then maybe I should be okay with sharing you. But I was still upset that you didn't tell me... not telling me... That still was cheating. Of course Dean defended you... Said there was no way you'd cheat on me." I lowered my voice. "I think I would have preferred that to the truth."

"Toni, I didn't mean for ..."

"For what?" I demanded. "For her to die?! Dammit Sam, if you hadn't kept this from us... We could have been there to protect her. But instead you left her with Rowena! Rowena from all people!"

"And Cass!" He argued back.

"Dammit. It wasn't enough, was it?!" I cried. "She's dead! Because you decided to keep us out of the loop! Why didn't you fucking tell us?!"

"You know how he was after the book. He wanted it destroyed but I couldn't... I need to find a way to cure him!" He argued. "I couldn't tell him."

"And me? What's your excuse for lying to me?" That's the part that truly hurt. The lying. How many times had he come home and kissed me, handing over one of my favorite snacks so I wouldn't question where'd he'd been too much? It made me so angry. And that anger just piggybacked on the loss of my friend. One of the few I had. There was Charlie... And Jody. That was it. And now that list was down to one name.

"You would have told him." Sam answered.

"Sam if you had just explained to me what was going on, I could have been there with her. You know Cass would have been overwhelmed with Rowena and Charlie. I could have been there!" I was crying as I screamed at him. Sam took a few steps towards me as I broke down completely. Letting the waves of tears fall as sobs shook my whole body.

I beat my hands against his chest as I sobbed but still he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. He didn't say a word as I cried and raged against him. I don't know how much time passed but eventually I had no more energy and my knees gave way.

I slumped against Sam, my hands gripping his shirt. Silently, he lifted me and carried me from the kitchen. The couch in the library was soft under me as he laid me down. When I opened my eyes, my gaze fell on Dean who stood in the doorway.

"Dean..." I said weakly. I was tired. So tired.

"I'm going after the Stynes." He stated, hands clenched in fists by his side.

Immediately, I moved to sit up.

"Okay. Give me five and I'll come with..."

"No." He said. And I looked up sharply.

"What?"

He sighed. "Don't argue with me on this. Stay with Sam. Make sure he shuts down this whole book thing."

I sat up completely and looked back and forth between Sam. "But you may need back up."

"I got it." He answered. "I need you to do this for me as much as I need to do what I need to do."

I frowned. Sam was wisely quiet through the exchange. Slowly, I nodded. "Okay. You promise to come back to me?"

A hint of a smile graced Dean's face and he seemed to soften for a moment as he crossed the room to kneel in front of where I sat. I could see the Mark, red and angry on his forearm where he had pushed up the sleeves of his flannel. He took my face in his hands, kissing me. "I promise."

I kissed him again, my fingers wrapped around his wrists. A feeling of dread had settled in my stomach. A feeling I hadn't felt in a while. I couldn't bear it if he didn't come home to me again. "I love you."

He smiled and pressed a long kiss to my forehead. "I love you too."

He barely acknowledged Sam as he stood and left the room. A little while later I heard the door to the bunker's garage open and close and I knew he was gone.

\----

"You can't leave me here and go after him yourself, Sam!" I yelled. Dean hadn't come back to me. In fact he had killed the Stynes and beaten Cass to a pulp while I had let Sam convince me to help him with the Book of th Damned.

I knew that Dean would be upset that we were still looking for a cure. That we were still working with Rowena. However, no matter how pissed I was the fact that Sam had lied to me, and that those lies had led to Charlie's death, I knew this was our only hope for helping Dean.

Sam looked at me sternly. "He's about to do something stupid. Really stupid. And with the way he sounded, with what he did to Rudy, I can't put you in harm's way. I can't. What happened to Charlie's cannot happen to you too Toni. I... I'd be lost without you." He kissed me roughly and far too quickly. "Stay here. Help with the spell. I'll go after Dean."

He kissed me again before hurrying out the door. I placed back and forth as Rowena and Cass worked on the spell. 20 minutes passed and I couldn't stand it.

"Cass, you got this?" I asked.

He looked at me oddly. "Are you going after them, Antoinette?"

"I can't just sit here not knowing what's happening." I answered.

He nodded. "You are a part of them. It only makes sense. Go. I will make sure this gets done."

"Thank you!" I kissed his cheek and ran out the door. It didn't take long to find a suitable car to hotwire. I'd eavesdropped enough on Sam's conversation with Dean to have a vague clue about which direction to head. I just hoped I wasn't too late to stop whatever stupid plan Dean had come up with.

I never expected to walk into a bar and find Dean standing over Sam with a large scythe in his hands. Death stood behind Dean, wearing that odd grin on his face that he often did. Sam was crying visibly and I was left speachless.

Dean shifted his grip to hold small pieces of paper. Photographs I assumed. Death spoke to him but I couldn't hear the words over the roaring in my ears. He raised the scythe and a small cry left my lips. I didn't know how to process any of it.

Dean's eyes flickered to mine. He'd heard me. I couldn't read the look on his face as he brought the scythe down and I thought that was it. He was going to kill Sam and I'd loose them both. The two men I love would be gone in that instant.

I couldn't breathe as he swung the weapon in a different direction, letting it collide with Death himself. Suddenly, the great entity, powerful master of the mortal coil, dissolved into dust.

We all stood still for a moment before I ran across the room and collided with Sam. Quickly, I made sure he was alright, my hands running over his face and neck, then down his shoulders and chest. He was bloody and bruised but he would be okay. I kissed him briefly before throwing my arms around Dean. His arms tightened around me as I hurried my face in the crook of his neck. I let myself breathe in his scent.

Once we settled down a moment, I pulled back and punched Dean hard in the shoulder. "What the fuck!?"

He sighed but brushed off my blow. "Hey. I just killed Death, I think... Can we talk about this later?" I relented and we started gathering our random items to leave.

A shrieking noise started off softly before rapidly increasing in volume. Red lighting streaked from out of nowhere and struck Dean in the arm. He cried out and stumbled back from me. My feet carried me to Sam's side. The taller Winchester wrapped an arm around me, ready to shield me if anything more sinister should happen.

I watched in shock as the Mark faded from Dean's arm. Then, as quickly as it had struck, it was gone. I raced to Dean's side, Sam hot on my heels. Together we examined his arm.

"It's gone. Dean!" I smiled up at him. His face was covered in an expression of confusion, worry, and maybe a little relief. He was a man of complex emotions.

"Yeah... But at what cost?" He murmured. I leaned up and kissed him, letting him feel my emotions.

"We'll figure it out. Let's... Let's just go home, okay?" I smiled reassuringly, sending a glance over my shoulder to Sam, who had a smile on his face as well.

"This is good. Dean, this is good. the Mark is off your arm. Nothing crazy happened. You get your Baby back." Sam grinned as he handed Dean back the keys to Baby.

Deans response was layer in sarcasm. "Yeah. I'm sure everything's perfectly fine."

We exited the restaurant, heading towards the Impala. The sky was darkening and thunder rolled not too far in the distance. The once beautifully bright day was quickly turning dark.

The sky began glowing dark red and several red lightning struck the ground within several feet from where we stood. I jumped and found one hand gripping at Sam's arm. More red lightning crackled across the sky before dancing all around us. The sound was almost deafening.

"What did Death call this?" Sam asked and I looked back and forth between them.

"The Darkness." Was Dean's somber reply.

The ground rumbled. Columns of black smoke erupted from the scorthed areas where the red lightning had struck. The smoke grew and grew, combining into a rolling cloud. I stared in shock as the smoke started to move towards us.

"Ummmm... Guys? What the hell?!"

"Get in the car." Dean answered, grabbing my hand and hauling me to the car.

We ran to the Impala and climbed in. It was pure instinct that had me diving into the back seat, while the boys climbed into the front. Dean threw the car into reverse, moving away from the restaurant. There was a loud thump as one of the wheels sank into a large hole.

Dead hit the gas in an attempt to force Baby into motion. He cursed as I stared wide eyed out the windshield at the encroaching cloud. Sam's eyes were fixed on the smoke as well.

I forced myself to move. I didn't know what was coming but I knew I needed to be near them. If this was the end....

In a move I'd done numerous times over the years I'd been riding in this a car with the brothers, I flung myself over the back of the seat, landing ungracefully between them. Instinctively they closed around me and I clung to them as we watched the cloud engulf the car in darkness....


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some more emotions.

When you've been a hunter for as long as I have, things don't really surprise you much after a while. You get a used to the crazy. The monsters, demons, and humans you deal with, nothing is particularly shocking. There might be the occasional curve ball while trying to figure out the mystery of who or what is killing people, but you kinda take it all in stride.

However, the series of events following the appearance of the black smoke - the Darkness - shocked me.

A plague smoke that turned people into rabid monsters, which was just like the Croatan virus all over again. Scary and fucked up, but not exactly new. Though, being infected alongside Sam, that was new. I'd never been happier to choose to stay with one brother over the other.

Who knows what would have happened if I'd gone with Dean and the baby, Amara, instead of staying with Sam. It had been Sam who'd managed to save my life. I'm still not sure how he did that. He'd gone to pray and a little while later he seemed to have a plan.

Then, said baby had disappeared, was now eating souls, and growing at an alarming rate. That was new. This Darkness, was a whole new ball game and I definitely wasn't sure I knew the rules.

\---

After a few days, things were weirdly, eerily calm. We managed to convince Rowena to remove the spell she had placed on Castiel. He was no longer out of control nor suffering under the effects of the weird attack dog spell she had placed him under. So the bunker was strangly quiet. It felt like the quiet before the storm... A dark storm.

I filled my time with research alongside Sam, looking for hints and signs of where the Darkness could be, what exactly she was and how to possibly defeat her. It was a crazy mystery.

"Humph!" Dean sighed loudly and closed the dusty book he'd been reading. The elder Winchester was smart and fantastic at research, his attention span was just very short when it came to old books. He wasn't like Sam, who could loose himself in research for hours without noticing the time.

"I'm gonna go... Do something. I can't just sit here." He said. "We need supplies? I think I'll go to the store."

I smirked and shook my head as I laughed a little.

"Wanna come?" He asked, walking over to stand behind me, placing his hands on my shoulder sand massaging them slightly.

"Oh always!" I giggled up at him and winked suggestively.

He laughed. "Not what I meant, but I could never deny my lady." He leaned down and kissed me.

I smiled into the kiss but shook my head as we parted. I looked over at Sam who still had his nose in the book. Things had been strained between me and the younger brother for a while. Not badly, and I'd gotten over most of it when we thought we were going to die because of the Darkness sickness, but we still hadn't talked about his lies concerning the Book of the Damned. "Nah. I think I'll stay here. Grab me some cookies though?"

Dean pouted playfully. "Milanos or Oreos?"

"Oreos." I answered. "Double stuffed."

"You got it." He chucked and kissed me again before grabbing his keys and heading out of the bunker.

Sam still barely looked up as we sat there in silence. Eventually, I stood and purposely walked around the table and hopped up onto surface next to the book he was reading. "So. We gonna talk 'bout this or not?"

He took a breath before leaning back in his chair, running both hands through his hair. "I... I don't know... I mean... I fucked up bad. So much is my fault. I... Nothing I can say..." He broke off in a sigh.

I raised an eyebrow at him. It wasn't often that Sam was at a loss for words. "Yeah. You did fuck up, but we can't keep tiptoeing around each other. Even you and Dean have gotten past it for the most part... We need to figure this out too, 'cause it's driving me bonkers."

"I... Do you..." He sighed. "I'm so sorry for Charlie... And the Darkness... It's all my fault." I shook my head and stopped him.

"We are not talking about Charlie or the Darkness right now." He looked at me oddly. "We are talking about us, Sam. You lied to me. We... We have a relationship that's different than what I have with Dean. Although we aren't always in those roles, you've been my Dom for years Sam. The only one I've ever really had and that relationship is based on trust."

"You don't trust me anymore..." He whispered, pain in his voice.

I shook my head. "I trust you with my life. I trust you in a fight. I trust that you will be there when I need you. I'd face all the forces in Heaven, Hell, and whatever the fuck else there is with you by my side... But I don't know if I trust you with my heart right now. Because you couldn't trust me with what you were doing."

He sighed and those giant eyes of his held such pain when he looked at me. He reached forward and took my hands in his. "Toni... Toni I... "

"And the thing is, I knew something was wrong." I continued. " I would ask you where you'd been and you'd side step the question.... I thought you were seeing someone else."

"I would never... Toni."

"But don't you see, I'd have preferred that. Because it's something I could explain. I could try and find a way to be okay with it. Maybe you needed more. Someone who was more submissive or someone you just didn't have to share. I mean, it's horribly selfish to expect you to share me, but me not to return the favor... I would have found a way to be okay. But knowing that you didn't trust me with something as important as what you were doing, trust me with Dean's life... After everything we'd been through. That's what cuts the deepest."

"I... Do you want to..." The pained look in his eyes finished the question for him.

"Break up?" He flinched like the words physically hurt. "No. I don't." And that was the truth. I loved him. I would do anything for him. I didn't want to break up. I didn't really know what I wanted. But at those words, he looked relieved.

"Tell me what I can do. Toni, I'll do anything." He brought my hands to his lips.

I wanted to cry from all the emotions rolling in my chest. Carefully, I slid from the table top to his lap, setting sideways with my legs drapped over the arm of the chair. "I love you. But you can't keep secrets from me. We have to rebuild this, Sam. One step at a time..."

He nodded as he tightened his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. "Anything... Anything. I love you so much."

"I know."

Dean found us still in the chair when he came home about two hours later. He didn't make any smart ass comments, but I saw the smile on his face as he passed through to the kitchen.


	25. Chapter 25- Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In honor of the episode Baby.

This chapter is from the point of view of Baby.

With a few rare exceptions, I have been the constant companion of the Winchester family for many many seasons. First John took me home, then Mary made me part of a family. I remember the nights those two spent in the back seat. I remember John racing me to the hospital before bringing home a tiny human a few days later. That tiny human turned into a little boy named Dean. A second tiny human came a few years later.

I remember the pain that changed John. That pain changed our family. Those little boys, Sam and Dean, ended up growing up within my four doors and leather seats.

Eventually, when Dean was tall enough to reach my pedals and old enough to do it without John in the passenger seat, John got himself another car.

"Watch after my boy." He whispered to me before he left me in his son's care. And I've done as best as I can ever since. And Dean has looked after me as well.

The first time Toni sat behind my wheel, I knew she was different than the other girls Dean and Sam had let into this haven of theirs. No. She, like my boys, was a part of the Winchester family. Even if she didn't know it at the time

\---

The three of them sat, exhausted and covered in blood, on my leather seats. Blood splattered all over my interior. My back window was shattered. I was a mess but I knew they'd take care of me when we got back to the bunker garage I now called home.

Home. In truth, the term was a fluid one. Home was having the three members of the Winchester family within my doors. But I had to admit that I liked being parked inside that garage these days. It was a good reliable place for my humans.

The road stretched out before us and I knew we were a long away from that home. Somewhere along the way, they had stopped and cleaned up me up as best they could. It wouldn't do well to gather attention with blood and glass everywhere. I'm sure they felt better about the long trip home that way too.

"We should get a motel." Toni said over the music Dean had playing through my speakers. The redhead drapped over the back of the front seat and smiled at my boys.

"Don't think there's one between here and the bunker." Sam answered, stifling a yawn behind his hand.

"Yeah. That's the problem we ran into last time. Two nights sleeping in Baby here." Dean smiled and tapped my dashboard.

"You boys take me to all the nicest places!" Toni said laughing.

"Hey! Don't knock my Baby!" Dean looked offended.

"Oh. I wouldn't dare." She answered and leaned back against the seat behind her. Her hands ran lovingly over the leather. "I know better. She's one of the very best. But she does have to contend with mine within my heart." She meant her car. I had to admit, her  
car was a nice company in the garage with me. Not like those stuffy Men of Letters' cars. And not like the cars Sam liked to hotwire. No, Toni's car was good metal, just like me.

"So are we pulling over to sleep, then? Or you just gonna keep driving?" She asked with a stretch.

"If you wanna sleep, princess. Go ahead." Dean answered.

She pouted playfully. "But how am I gonna sleep all alone back here? And it's cold with the window broken."

Sam laughed as his brother pulled over to the side of the road. "Get back there with her. Sooner we get home..."

"Uh huh." Sam smiled as he opened my door and into my back seat. He folded his long limbs into the leather and she settled against him with a soft hum. She was asleep before Dean passed the next mile marker.

They stopped about three hours later and the boys switched places. Sam took the driver's seat while Dean climbed into the back with Toni. There were a few comments from Dean about Sam's driving. But in truth, I always felt just as safe in Sams hands as I did Dean's.

The sky was still dark when the redhead started to stir.

I'd heard the moans she made many times before. Since the boys had found her again several years ago, those moans had rarely come from the lips of another. I'd never really had any ideas about right or wrong when it came to the activities that went on withing my doors. Many times skin and moved against skin on my back seat. I am pretty sure that both Dean and Sam began their very existence on that leather.

So when Toni made that moan upon waking in Dean's arms, I already knew what was coming.

She stretched her body against Dean's and his arms tightened around her. Sam tossed a glance over his shoulder and chuckled. As she became more conscious, she dotted kisses along Dean's neck, hoping to rouse him from his sleep.

Soon his lips caught hers in a hungry kiss and in a well practiced move, he flipped them over so she lay on her back under him. "Princess, it's very rude to get me all hot and bothered with poor Sammy driving."

Sam for his part, laughed. "She knows I like to watch."

Toni squirmed and hooked a leg over Dean's hip and pulled him closer to her core. The older Winchester's growled and ground his hips into hers, letting her feel how hard he was withing his jeans. "If you wreck my Baby..." Dean warned his brother.

"Dude. I'll focus on the road, you focus on fucking our girl." Sam tossed Toni a heated glance for a moment. She smirked back at him before pulling Dean down for a kiss. He groaned into her mouth as his hands pulled at her shirt, raising the hem up and over her breasts. He palmed them through her bra as she arched up off the leather, eager for more of him.

Toni's hands tangled in his hair before sliding down his neck. Her fingers found the buttons of his flannel and she made short work of getting that layer of cloth open. Dean pulled back from her for a moment to rid himself of his shirt while she did the same. The clothing landed on my floor boards, to be forgotten until later.

They kicked off their boots and shimmed out of their jeans, before Dean pushed her back onto the seat.

The skin of her back slid against the leather as he lifted her leg to give himself better access. The sounds of flesh against flesh filled the space within my doors as he sank into her, picking up a rhythm.

Sam shifted in his seat, eyes flicking to the rear view mirror and over his shoulder to glance at his lover lost in passion with his brother.

Toni bit her lip against a new string of moans which caught Sam's attention. "Let me hear you, Toni. I'm not the one fucking you, so at least let me hear you moan."

It was like opening the flood gates. Toni's moans morphed into cries of pleasure. Her hands clutched at Dean's shoulders like he was a lifeline. His hips moved at a relentless pace, driving them both to the edges of ecstasy. One hand was planted just over her shoulder to support his weight while the other palmed her breast, catching a nipple with a light pinch that tore a cry of pleasure from her. She arched and writhed under him. Her legs lifted to give him better access.

His thrusts started to stutter and he pulled back enough to snake his hand down her body. His fingers easily found her clit and she screamed his name as she climaxed. A few more thrusts and he followed. They clung to each other as they both shuddered. His hips sputtered against her in little thrusts as he spilled himself inside her.

Toni yawned as they struggled to clothe themselves once more. She managed to pull Dean's flannel shirt on and her jeans before leaning over the seat to run her hands down Sam's chest as he continued to drive down the dark deserted highway.

She kissed his cheek and lay her head against his shoulder from behind. "You good?"

He raised one hand and laid it on her arm. "Later... if you want, when it's Dean's turn to drive again, I'll show you." He smiled at her in the rear view mirror.

"I'll look forward to it." She kissed his cheek once more before moving back to snuggle against Dean's chest.

If metal could smile, I would have. There was a level of contentment between the three of them that had been missing for a while, but it was back. Everything seemed okay for now.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing for the trio...

Post Season 11 Episode 10

"Toni. Are you pregnant?"

Dean's question startled me so much that I dropped the mug I had been holding, intending on taking it to the sink. The ceramic shattered on the concrete floor causing me to jump again.

"Dammit." I directed my curse at the shattered dish in hopes of not having to acknowledge Dean's question. I knelt and started to pick up the pieces. At least it hadn't been full of coffee.

How did he find out? I hadn't said a word. I wasn't even really having many symptoms yet. I just had always had very regular periods and I had missed one two weeks ago. Then while they were out on a case, I'd taken a test. That little stick with its positive sign on it was hiding in my old room. But then there had been craziness with the Darkness, and dealing with Lucifer in the cage. I hadn't had a chance to really even process the whole situation myself, much less think about telling either of them about it.

"Toni. " He said softly, a hand at my elbow pulled me up until I was standing. His fingers tilted my chin up so he could look at my face. "Are you pregnant? I... Please, I need to know."

My voice shook a little. "H-How? How did you know?"

He closed his eyes for a moment. "So it is true." He sighed, turning away from me. And my heart sunk. This was what I was terrified of. None of us had really talked about having kids and what that would mean for any of us. I was dating both of them. How would a child affect that relationship? Did Dean or Sam even want kids?

"I... Just found out while you were working the case... I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I know we never talked about kids, and I know you probably don't want the burden but... I'm going to keep it, even if you don't want.... " I babbled, my heart pounding in my ears and tears threatening to fall.

He spun back to me faster than I could react, and crushed me to his chest. His lips devoured mine in a fast and hot kiss. He pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine. "I want it, Toni. Fuck do I want it."

"Even if it's Sam's?" I whispered. It was a fear I had. How would they deal with me having the other brother's child?

He shook his head. "It's not. And even if it was, I wouldn't mind. I'd love them as my own regardless."

My smile turned to confusion, and I pulled back a bit. "Dean, how did you know I was pregnant? And how can you possibly be so sure it's yours? And Sam and I are still rebuilding our... that doesn't mean we haven't... " I trailed off. Sam and I still had quite a ways to go until we could get back to where we had been.

He sighed again and shook his head. "The Darkness. Amara. She... One of the things she told me was that she'd never hurt you because you were carrying a part of me and she'll never hurt me. Something about how I'm connected to her through the Mark."

I blinked at him a few times. "I... That's... Wow. Ummmmm okay."

"Yea. My thoughts exactly." He answered as he walked to the fridge to grab a beer.

"Does Sam know?" I asked.

"Know what? " Sam asked as he walked in. He still looked a little haggard. He didn't want to admit it, but I knew that dealing with Lucifer again had brought back some of Sam's more difficult experiences. I hadn't been there for when he'd been tormented by hallunications of the archangel, but he'd told me a bit about it. Right now he put on a bit of a smile on his face as he stopped to kiss me before taking a seat at the table and immediately opening his laptop.

I looked at Dean with worry on my face. Sam caught the look and stood again, concern in those hazel eyes. "What's going on? Toni? "

I took a breath before answering. "I'm pregnant. "

He was silent for a moment as the news sunk in. He looked like he was containing something but asked quietly. "Are you keeping it?"

I could only nod, afraid of his reaction. Sam and I were still rebuilding certain aspects of our relationship, but we'd come so far in recent weeks. Would he be as pleased as Dean? But when he heard my answer he rushed me, lifting me into his arms and spinning around, a giant smile on his face. "This is fantastic! "

He put me back on my feet and kissed me solidly and passionately. He pulled back and looked between me and Dean. The smile on his face was the first real one I'd seen on his face in forever. My heart burst with joy to see such elation on his face. "We're gonna be parents!! "

Dean smiled and nodded while I laughed. "You don't want to know who's... "

"Don't care." Sam answered before I could finish. His voice a but more serious. "It's ours. All three of us." He knelt then and spoke to my stomach, his large hands splayed wide over my hips. "Hey kiddo. You will have no shortage of love and support and people to teach you how to kick ass. You'll have everything Dean and I didn't."

Dean smiled and took a seat at the table, holding out a hand for me to take. Sam stood and took my other hand. I let them pull me back to the table and I hopped up on top of the table between them, my legs dangling over the side. "That's all well and good, but... It's mine. At least that's what Amara, the Darkness told me."

Sam frowned a bit at that news and I worried if he was changing his mind. He took a moment before he spoke and I stared down at where my hands were clasped in theirs. "Well in that case, we will have to take more caution with Toni to make sure she's safe."

Tears welled in my eyes and I wiped at them furiously. But they wouldn't stop, all my fears that they wouldn't be happy, that Sam would be upset that he wasn't the biological father, that this would ruin our little poly relationship, all faded away, leaving me with more emotion than I could handle. Immediately, I was pulled into Dean's lap while Sam knelt in front of me.

"Hey. Hey. Why the tears, Princess? " Dean asked in my ear, his arms wrapped around me and his face buried in my hair.

One of Sams hands held mine as he pushed the hair out of my face with the other. I shook my head, "I just... I was just so afraid that one of you would be mad... But you aren't. And that's so awesome. But, now, with the Darkness, I mean... She knows about the baby. And... I know she said she wouldn't hurt it... But, I mean, with all the chaos she's causing I... Its just a lot and I can't seem to make these stop! " I ended the rant with a frustrated wail, gesturing to the waterworks overflowing from my eyes.

Dean's arms tightened around me and I felt his lips on my shoulder as Sam raised up to gently capture my lips. He pulled back, his hands cupping my face. "No matter what, we will take care of you and protect our baby. Right Dean?"

"Damn right." He grumbled and I felt one of his hands lay protectively over my lower stomach. "Nothing and no one is going to harm either of you." There was a dangerous edge to his voice that told me he meant it.

I laid my hand over Dean's and Sam's large hand joined us a moment later. I nodded and felt the tears subside with an odd sense of peace. We stayed like that for a few moments. Sam's for head pressed to mine, me on Dean's lap, and Dean's face buried in my hair.

I broke the silence a moment later, taking one of their hands in each of mine I tugged them out of the kitchen and down the hall towards Sam's room. I don't know when we decided that Sam's room was the one we went to when it was all three of us, but when we bought the bigger bed, that's where it ended up and none of us really argued or even thought about it. It was just natural.

\---

The next day found me once again at the kitchen table with a laptop. Too many tabs were open across the browser, which was an oddly accurate representation of my brain. I had too many thoughts going through my head. And most of them circled around the tiny mass of cells that would soon be an actual child.

I was actually pregnant.

Holy fucking shit! What was I supposed to do? I knew nothing about kids and babies. Did I have a clue as to how to be a mother? Was it horribly irresponsible to bring a child into our lives?

I placed a hand on my stomach. It had never been a particularly flat stomach, I always had that slight roll at the waist. But soon I had the feeling I'd look like a whale. It may be irresponsible to bring a child into this life, where it's parents were hunters, but I couldn't get rid of it. It was a part of us. This child was a Winchester.

"What are you up to?" Sam asked as he walked into the kitchen. He was wet from the shower he always took after his morning run.

"Research," I answered with a smile, letting my eyes wander over him. He was still shirtless and I couldn't help but appreciate that.

He frowned at me in concern. "You're not looking for a case, are you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Just because I'm pregnant does not mean I am not still a hunter. Don't you dare try and sideline me." I threw the pen in my hand at him. "But no. I'm... looking for a doctor."

He tilted his head but decided, wisely, not to argue with me at the moment. Instead, he wandered over to the coffee maker to make himself a cup. "Damn, I'm gonna miss coffee." I mumbled to myself.

He laughed as he fixed his coffee then sat down at the table next to me. "So a doctor. Any luck?"

I shook my head and frowned. "You know, that whole not having any insurance, job, yada yada yada... It's making finding a doc a bit difficult. There's so much paperwork and legal crap that goes into this. And that's not even getting into the fact that legally both you and Dean are dead. Then there are all the health questions and baby proofing the bunker, or at least part of it."

I didn't realize I was rambling faster and faster until Sam physically turned my chair so I was facing him instead of the laptop. "Toni, breathe."

I took several breaths and let myself calm back down. "It will be fine. Don't stress too much yet. And... I'm sure if you call Jody, she'll be able to help a bit too. Maybe?"

I took a minute then nodded. "Right. Jody. I should call Jody."

"Why we calling Jody?" Dean asked as he wandered into the kitchen.

"To help Toni with the whole being pregnant and baby stuff." Sam answered.

"I don't want to make her upset though... With what happened to..." I cut off and tried not to think of Jody's tragic backstory.

Dean stopped by my chair and leaned down to kiss me. "I'm sure she will be happy for us and thrilled that you came to her for advice."

I nodded as I grabbed my phone and stood.

"Now?" Dean asked as I raised up on my toes to kiss him.

"Now." I confirmed. I bent to kiss Sam before heading towards the bedrooms to call Jody.

\---

Dean had been right, though I always hated to tell him that. Jody had been more than thrilled when I called her and we'd spent about two hours on the phone. I'd been afraid that she'd resent me for starting a family when she'd lost hers. Or that she'd think we were insane for bringing a child into the hunter life. But she didn't and it made me feel a million times better.

We made plans to come and visit soon, as long as no crazy cases popped up, and I wandered to find the guys. I found Sam in his room first. Which was odd. Unlike Dean, I usually found Sam in the library buried in a book or a laptop, not sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

My stomach dropped at the sight. Had he just been putting on a face? Was he not happy about it?

"Sam?" My voice wasn't as strong as I'd wished for it to me. I'm pretty sure it sounded like a mouse squeaking.

He looked up at me, half startled by my presence. "Toni. Hi. Um... How was Jody?" He asked, running his hands through his hair, trying to look at ease.

"She's great. I want to go spend some time with her soon. But that doesn't matter right now... Are you okay?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah. Sure. Of course." Sam answered.

I crossed my arms and sighed. "Right. Just so you know, lying about feelings is still lying, Sam."

He sighed and stood, walking over to the dresser to fiddle with someone I couldn't see. "I am fine. Really..."

I bit my lip. "Are you not happy? About the baby, I mean. I... I'd understand if you changed your mind..."

He rushed to me then, his hands catching mine and raising them to his lips. "No. No. That's not it, Toni. I am happy. I'm so happy. I'm just... Worried."

I stared into his eyes before taking and step closer to him. He let my hands go and enveloped me into his arms. My arms slid around his waist and I held him close. "So you aren't disappointed that it's Dean's?"

He laughed a little. "No. I'm actually glad it's his. He raised me, and while I may have turned out as a fuck up, it wasn't his fault."

I pulled back and smacked him hard in the chest. "You turned out just fine. Don't talk about yourself like that or I'll kick your ass."

"No you won't. You're pregnant." He laughed.

"Ha! That won't stop me from making your life difficult." I threatened.

"Why are we threatening Sammy?" Dean asked as he walked by.

I burst out into giggles that wouldn't stop. Eventually, I ended up on the bed with them as I calmed. Sam stretched out behind me while Dean faced me. He reached out and brushed my hair out of my face. "We'll be okay." He said softly. "It may be scarier than anything we've ever faced. But we will be okay."

I nodded and let them sandwich me in a hug. "I'll find a doctor tomorrow and make an appointment to make sure everything is okay."

I felt them both nod rather than saw it as I drifted to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being pregnant creates a few new challenges for Toni...

Episode 12. - - 3months-

According to the doctor at the local clinic I'd found, I was a good three months along. Dean went with me to the appointment and I swear, I'd never seen him more nervous.

He sat in the waiting room bouncing his leg and fidgeting with everything he could get his hands on. It was amusing to see this badass hunter, a man who had literally been to hell and back, who had been a demon, and had faced numerous monsters, be nervous about a doctor's appointment. That amusement helped me keep my own nerves at bay.

The appointment went well. The doctor was a nice woman who answered all my questions and told me that everything looked healthy. And we scheduled tentative future appointments.

The whole experience was surreal but the grin on Dean's face when he heard the heart beat made everything worth it. The only thing that would have made it even better was if Sam had been there too.

\---

A few days later, my symptoms had finally caught up with me, leaving me hugging the toilet like it was my new best friend. Dean and Sam took turns holding my hair, getting me water, and helping me clean up before carrying me back to bed.

Luckily, everything had been quiet when it came to cases and Amara. So we had the time to spare for my symptoms.

It was noon before my stomach had settled enough to wander from the bedroom in search of my lovers... And possibly food.

Sam sat at the table in the library and smiled at me as I make my way over to him.

"Dean left a little while ago to get some supplies." He answered my unasked question as I curled myself into his lap. We sat like that for a bit looking at random stuff in the internet.

"You sure you are good?" I found myself asking.

He pulled back to look at me. "Yes, Toni. Why do you keep asking?"

"Well... I saw you that day. You looked really upset, but I couldn't really see your face. And I'm just worried that you are just saying you are okay because you don't want me to be upset or something." I rambled, burying my face in his neck.

He tightened his arms around me.  
"I promise. I'm great. Do I wish the baby was mine? Maybe. But... I will love this baby with everything I have in me... And maybe one day, we can try... You know, for you and I to have one too... If you want."

I laughed a little and relaxed. "Maybe. Let's see how this one goes first."

"Of course." He kissed my hair and we fell silent again. "I was praying..."

"What?" I sat up to look at him oddly. "Like to God?"

"Yeah." He looked embarrassed. "I mean, I know he probably isn't listening. But, I was praying, hoping he'd hear... That he'd help protect you and the baby... It's stupid."

I shook my head and kissed him tenderly. "It's not stupid. It means you care."

He didn't respond as the door to the bunker opened and Dean trudged down the stairs and placed a to go bag on the table

"What the hell is that?" Sam asked as he eyed the bag.

Dean had a grin plastered on his face as he pulled the monstrosity from the bag. "That? That's the Elvis."

"Elvis?" Sam questioned and I made a face. "Is that a...?"

Dean looked almost as pleased as he had leaving the clinic. "That's a glazed donut. Two, actually. One topside, one on the bottom. Now, your inferior versions, they'll just take one donut, split it right down the middle."

The smell finally reached my stomach. "And I think I'm gonna be sick." I climbed off Sam's lap and took off down the hall.

\-----

"I don't care. I'm going." I argued with my hands on my hips.

"Sweetheart, you've barely been able to make it a few hours without barfing. You want to take the drive to Sioux Falls?" Dean argued back.

"Yes. Dammit! One, I won't let you sideline me, Winchester. Two, I want to see Jody and the girls. So I'm going. Either I'm going in your car or mine." I answered, turning from him to continue packing my bag.

"Dammit, Toni. What if this is a dangerous case?!"

"Then we will handle it. Like we do every other time!"

"Gah! Fine! I'll see you at the car!" He threw is hands up and stormed out of the room.

I fumed as I continued packing my bag, making sure to grab everything I needed. Sam stood at the door without a word. "You gonna try and convince me to stay here, too?" I asked without looking at him.

"Nope. I'm not stupid." He answered. "I'm just not gonna let you carry that bag on your own though."

I playfully stuck my tongue out at him. "Alright then, Mr Alpha Man, sir." I zipped up the bag. "I'm ready."

His eyes darkened for a moment as he walked forward. "I've been reigning in my alpha male tendencies, little girl. Don't tease."

I shuddered. At my own request, we had put that aspect of our relationship on hold after the fiasco with him lying to me a few months ago, but I did miss it. Damn did I miss it.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tease. This...is a conversation we can have when we get back from Sioux Falls, okay."

His expression softened. and kissed me gently. "I was kidding. I don't want to push you."

I kissed him back. "You aren't. But let's do this first."

He nodded, picked up the bag, and we both headed to meet Dean in the garage. I kissed the older Winchester before climbing into the back seat of the Impala. I smirked a bit as we started on our trip. If the calculations by the doctor were correct, I was pretty sure my current condition was thanks to activities that happened on this very seat several months ago.

I couldn't stop laughing. Conversation over dinner at Jody's had reached a level of amusing that I don't think I'd experienced in a while. Jody had attempted to confront Alex about safe sex and had tried to wrangle Sam, Dean, and I to help. Which went over like a lead balloon. I mean, we weren't exactly the people to talk to about safe sex... given my current condition.

So I couldn't stop giggling over it while I helped Jody with the dishes.

"So how are you doing?" She asked as she passed dishes for me to dry.

"Nauseous mostly. And the guys are already treating me like I'm made of glass."

She snorted. "Yeah. That's not gonna go over well."

"Exactly. I know things are going to have to change. But I can't change who I am. I can't stay locked in that bunker for the rest of eternity." I added. "And it's not like the bunker is always the safest place either."

"Nice ambush in there." Dean said coming around the corner, interrupting our conversation.

"Shouldnt you be sitting?" He asked me as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"My point." I made a face at Jody, who laughed.

"Oh I believed you. And I'm really not shocked." She responded and I smirked at the confused look on Dean's face.

I turned to kiss his cheek. "Don't worry about it, baby. Just girl talk."

He frowned. "I still think you should be sitting."

"Oh, she'll be sitting enough in a few months when she can't see her feet. Let her stand while she can." Jody said coming to my rescue... Sort of.

I made a face at her. "Yeah... Not really looking forward to the swollen ankles and feet part."

"I'll make sure you have plenty of foot rubs." Dean kissed my hair.

"Where's Sam?" I asked as I continued to dry dishes.

"Talking to Claire. Trying to talk some sense into her." He responded.

"You guys know that's not gonna work, right?"

He and Jody sighed. "Yeah. Probably not."

\----

So it turned out that Claire wasn't just making things up. There was a real case at the High School. The guy strung up on the flag pole kinda gave that away. Which of course made Claire that much more determined to hunt. And made Sam and Dean that much more protective.

"If it's so dangerous why does the pregnant lady get to stay and help but not me?" Claire had pouted. "No offense, T."

I loved the girl. I know she meant well. But I kinda wanted to put her in her place. Except I didn't get the chance.

"She's not staying. She's going with you. To make sure you to are safe, right Toni?" Dean answered.

I spun and glared at him. "What?!"

How dare he send me away? I thought we'd had this discussion and finally reached a n understanding. That he couldn't sideline me. Oh I was instantly furious, but the look in his eyes made me pause. He wasn't sending me away for me. No, he was hoping I'd get Claire out of this mess. Keep her safe. He cared for the girl and after Charlie, I could tell he just wanted her as safe as could be.

So instead of arguing for real I pointed a finger at him. "You owe me, Mister."

He and Sam just snickered and kissed me before sending me on my way with Jody and Claire.

\---

Hindsight is 20/20 they say. And in hindsight, I should have stayed with Sam and Dean. Of course none of us really expected the custodian at the school to be a vampire hell-bent on destroying Alex's life. So as I sat, tied up, with a major gash on my head, listening to the fucker's monologuing like a proper villain, I pondered the idea of safety. Well, I pondered while I slowly worked at the ties on my wrists. Sam and Dean were certainly going to lock me away in the bunker now.

The bastard grabbed Claire, manhandling her, using her as a threat to Alex.

"Hey asshole! Leave them alone!" I cried out. I felt fucking useless but I had to try. He ignored me in favor of sinking his teeth into Claire's neck. Her screams echoed through the abandoned building we were in. I struggled against my bonds, desperate to get to her.

"Fucking bastard. Picking in little girls get your jollys going?! Sick bastard!" I screamed at him. He dropped Claire in an unconscious heap on the ground and turned to me.

I kept my face in a solid expression of defiance and confidence. "You know, I can smell you. They say pregnant women taste amazing." He bent towards me and I held still until he was close enough. I flung my head forward and caught the bastard in a headbutt. Pain exploded through my head, the gash in my head flowing with fresh blood. He reeled back with a snarl before raising a hand and wiping some of the blood that had transferred from my head to his. He brought his fingers to his nose and inhaled before licking it off his fingers. I felt my stomach turn and had to fight back the urge to retch.

"They weren't lying..." He looked up as he heard a noise and disappeared from my sight.

Sam appeared a moment later. "Toni!"

"I'm fine. Help Claire and Alex." I answered and he moved to check on Claire who still lay unconscious in the floor.

"Sam!" Alex cried. She'd seen the custodian before I did. Sam was knocked to the ground by a sledgehammer. He scrambled to his feet with the machete but was knocked into the empty pool by the asshole vampire jock flunky. I screamed and pulled at my bonds hard, finally getting my hands free. I'd worry about the bloody wrists and knuckles later.

Claire stirred and slowly started moving. I watched with a bit of pride as she grabbed a crowbar from the ground and stalked the custodian who was threatening Alex. The blonde stabbed the vampire through the chest with crowbar just as he was about to attack Alex with a machete. He turned, face shocked as he stared at the girl.

His startled face was soon separated from his body and I could have cried in relief when I saw Dean standing there.

"Did you drink his blood?" He asked Claire in a hurry. She shook her head.  
"Good."

He hurried over to me then, concern a over his face. "Toni. Are you..."

"I'm good. It's nothing. Promise." I said as he helped me to my feet. "Maybe a concussion and a few cuts but I'll be fine." His eyes flickered down towards me stomach and I laid a hand on his chest. "We're fine. Jody needs your help right now."

He took a moment to be sure before turning to help Jody to her feet.

"Oh it had to be the leg. I'm gonna need bionics!" She grumbled and I smiled a bit at her sarcasm in the wake of everything.

A few minutes later, Sam hauled the jock flunky up from the pool and deposited him in front of Alex. "He's all yours now."

He moved back to stand next to me, doing his own check to make sure I was okay and I smiled up at him.

I felt a sense of pride as Alex slammed the douche and Claire separated his head from his body. These girls, they could handle themselves.

\---

We left a day or so later, long enough to make sure we were all okay enough to travel. Which was mostly an excuse for the boys to be protective. And I let them. I felt like shit.

We were pretty sure I had a concussion and all the food that had been so good the other day just made me want to vomit whenever I thought about it. So no sleep, nausea, and sore all over... I wanted nothing more than to get home. So we left Jody, Claire, and Alex to their lives with promises that I'd keep them up to date on the whole pregnancy process. Alex and Claire were oddly excited about the baby, declaring themselves Aunts already.

The thought had me smiling as I sat in the back seat of the Impala with a hand in my flat stomach. I had a family. Even though it was broken and a little weird, I loved it. My hunter family.

I snorted at one point in the trip home which had Sam and Dean looking back at me.

"What's funny, Princess?" Dean asked.

"Just thinking about family. How it doesn't end in blood. And how I miss the man who said it." I laughed a little. Not wanting to actually be sad about it. "Can you imagine Bobby's response to the baby?"

Sam and Dean chuckled a little. "He'd call us all idjits for having it." Dean answered.

"Then would spoil them rotten." Sam added.

I smiled contently. "We still need to tell Cass."

"Well when he decides to show back up again, we will." Dean said stiffly and I frowned. I understood his frustration. Cass had been acting weird and we really hadn't seen him.

I sighed. "Well, I hope we see him again soon. I miss his face."

\----


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's and Vessels
> 
> Spans season 11 episodes 13 & 14.

I didn't want to be upset that Sam and Dean went on a case of Valentine's day. I knew it was our job. Their job. And I wasn't really up to going. I was sick to my stomach all the time right now. I wasn't going to be much use against a monster ripping the hearts from it's victims. So, I stayed at the bunker.

Sam and Dean called me several times a day to fill me in on things and get my opinion. It was nice to still be included even though I wasn't there and it made me think that this could actually work. After the baby was born, it would be a while before I'd be able to get back out there. But I could still be a hunter. Just less kicking ass and saving people and more research and support. That job was still very important.

And it meant I got to surprise them when they got home. They'd enjoyed Jody's cooking so much that I pushed down my nausea and made real food. Sam called when they were about an hour from the bunker a few days after Valentine's day, so I had steak and potatoes ready with a pie in the oven when I heard the doors to the bunker open.

However, the look on Dean's face made my smile faulter. He didn't look upset. More like flustered.

"Hey." He said as he wrapped his arms around me gently and kissed my hair. "How are you feeling?"

Sam smiled and leaned in to kiss me before going to put his things in his room.

"I'm okay. But I have to admit, I was expecting a bit more of an enthusiastic return." I responded, trying not to sound upset. "What happened that you didn't tell me?"

Dean just shook his head. "It's nothing. Promise. The monster just tried to get under my skin. I'm fine."

I eyed him warily. "You can talk to me Dean. You know that right?"

He nodded and ran a hand over his face as he stepped back. "I think I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed. Join me later?"

I bit my lip before nodding. "Yeah... Sure." He kissed my lips lightly, placing a hand over my belly for a moment before turning to leave. "I love you." I called after him before he disappeared down the hall.

He turned and offered me a small smile. "I love you too, princess."

I was left awkwardly standing alone, trying to tell myself that this was normal after some hunts. And it was. There were some hunts where we just needed some alone time before we were fit for company. But as I walked back to the kitchen and looked at the food I'd made, I wanted to cry.

Instead I took a breath and pulled out some Tupperware to pack it all up for later. The timer dinged on the oven and I pulled out the pie, leaving it on the stove to cool.

So much for a late Valentine's Day dinner.

\----

I walked down the hall the next morning heading towards the kitchen. I'd curled up next to Sam last night and refused to cry over Dean. Sam had explained that he thought Dean would want to talk to me, which is why he had gone straight to his room.

"I'm sorry, Toni. I should have stayed. Do you want to go back and have dinner?" He had asked, holding me close to his side.

I'd shook my head, saying I wasn't hungry any more. I'd fallen asleep curled into his embrace. When I woke, he was already gone for his run.

They were talking in a hushed tone as I approached the kitchen but I could make out what they were saying, just barely.

"You didn't tell her?" Sam sounded upset.

Tell me what? I thought as I eavesdropped.

"What am I supposed to tell her, Sam? That this monster supposedly shows you your deepest desires? And that it showed me Amara?" Dean answered. "That I didn't see the woman I've loved for years? The woman who is pregnant with my child? No, instead I saw The Darkness. God's fuckin' sister."

"You can't keep things from her, Dean. It'll only hurt worse when she finds out. Trust me." Sam responded.

"I... I don't want to hurt her, Sammy." Dean sounded so... Lost. Even though I wanted to rush in and hold him, my mind reeled with what he'd said. His deepest desire was Amara. How was I supposed to respond to that?

"We just have to find a way to defeat the Darkness." Sammy sounded so sure that I almost believed his confidence.

"Right. I'm gonna go wake Toni..." Dean said and I heard the sound of the chair moving against the floor.

Quickly and quietly, I retreated down the hall and put a bit of a shuffle to my step like I'd just woken up. Like I hadn't just heard everything they'd said. Dean came out of the kitchen and I brought my eyes up to his and let a smile spread across my face.

His hair was still tossled. The dead man's robe hung open over a plain white T-shirt and his boxers. He looked tired but there was a light on his eyes that would always make me smile. It was the one that told me he still loved me.

"Hey you." He said as he walked down the hall to greet me. His arms wrapped around my waist and I slid mine under the robe to cuddle closer to him. "How are my two favorite people today?"

I grinned up at him. "Well you'd have to find Sam to ask him. But I'm doing okay."

He chuckled. "Sammy's been demoted to number three these days." He moved back and placed a hand on my stomach. Leaning down a little he added, "You aren't giving Mommy too much hassle this morning are you?"

I laughed at him. In this moment, I could forget what I'd overheard and just enjoy his enthusiasm over the baby. "He's behaving for right now."

"He. You think it's a boy?" Dean asked with an eyebrow up.

"Well, I'm just guessing with all the Winchester testosterone poisoning, it's gotta be a boy." I explained. "I hope it's a boy, cause if it's a girl, you'll never let her leave the bunker!"

"Damn straight!" Dean responded with a slight puff of his chest. Which usually looked very manly and masculine, but in the robe, tee, and boxers just made me giggle.

Sam stuck his head out into the hall from the kitchen. "You want me to make you breakfast, Toni?"

I smiled at my other lover. "Pancakes? And...later, can we go get some watermelon?"

Both Winchesters laughed. "Of course, princess."

\---  
I spent the next night in Dean's bed. I'd woken with him spooned behind me, his face buried in my hair and his arm wrapped around my middle so his large hand rested on my stomach. I could forget everything for a moment and just be at peace with this part of my family. The only thing that would make it all perfect would be if Sam were there too.

When Dean had finally dragged me to bed, or vice versa depending on which of us you asked, Sam had been up to his eyeballs in research. And given that there is like 6 foot 4 inches of that man, that meant it was a lot of research. He was determined to find something to fix the Darkness problem. It worried me a little and I hated to think what he would do to fix it.

Dean woke behind me slowly, pulling me closer against him.

"Good morning." I whispered back to him. His reply was a grumble. "Get up and go get some coffee. I'm gonna shower, okay?"

"I could join you in the shower." He offered and I felt him hard behind me.

I laughed a little. "Later. Promise."

"Mmmm I'll take you up on that, princess." He nuzzled my neck once more before rolling out of bed.

Once out of the shower, I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. I was just barely starting to show but it was enough that jeans were just uncomfortable lately. I'd need to go shopping for maternity clothes soon. I was mid-text with Jody, setting up a day to go shopping, as I wandered into the library where Sam had a book going through a scanner hooked up to his laptop and Dean was on the phone.

"Cass." Sam answered my questioning look. "We think we might have a line in a way to bring down the Darkness."

"Awesome." I responded, giving him a quick kiss. "I'm gonna find food of some sort."

\---

Cass arrived later that afternoon. And I rushed to give him a hug when I saw him. It had been a while. We hadn't even gotten around to telling him about the baby.

Gingerly, he hugged me back which I laughed off as his normal weird angel self. As I pulled back a weird look came over his face before his normal stoic mask settled back into place.

"Toni... Are you...?"

"Yep!" I answered gleefully. "I should've known you'd know before I actually got to tell you."

Dean walked by and clasped his friend on the shoulder. "Way to steal her thunder, dude. She was so excited to tell you."

"I am sorry. Was it rude? Should I have not said anything?" Cass responded, almost deliberately looking around the room at all of us.

"It's okay, Cass. I'm just so excited. Because," I looked up at Dean who nodded. We had talked about this a few times over the last couple of weeks and my stomach had butterflies in it. I smiled brightly before continuing, "...Because we wanted to ask you if you'd like to be the baby's godfather."

Cass looked incredulous. "Godfather?"

"Yeah man, ya know. If something were to happen to Toni, Sam, or myself, you'd take care of them and stuff." Dean explained.

Cass still looked a little shocked. "It is a great honor. I don't really think I'm worthy..."

I shook my head. "There is no one I'd trust more."

He nodded slowly and I thought I caught a bit of a smile on his lips. "Thank you, Toni."

I grinned at him. "And see, I told you that you didn't have to call me Antoinette all the time!"

We moved into the library and Sam and Dean started to further explain the information they had concerning the Men of Letters agent and the Hand of God in 1943.

"There were several God-touched objects, but it never occurred to me that any of them survived the flood, let alone the twentieth century." Castiel explained.

"Do you think we can use it against Amara?" Sam asked. I sat in the chair next to him with a large bowl of chopped watermelon. It wasn't quite in season but I didn't really care.

"It's perfect. And I can get you back there." Cass offered. We all looked at each other, confused.

Sam was the first to speak up. "Without wings? Cass, you can't even teleport."

Cass shrugged. "Time travel, is a, it's a whole different system."

"Told ya!" Dean looked very proud of himself and I frowned. I did not like this plan but didn't argue while they worked out the details.

"Wait a second. Cas, aren't there still risks with time travel? I mean aren't there consequences?" Sam argued.

Dean only looked more determined. "Sam, this is the ideal scenario."

"What?"

"That sub is a tin can floating in the middle of the ocean doomed to go down, you can't really mess with history at 20,000 leagues. So we get in, get the weapon, get out. It's a milk run." Dean argued.

Sam frowned, "Well that's not a very good plan."

"Well, if things get outta hand, then Cas will just, zap me right back."

"You?"

"You're not going." Dean's words made me put down the bowl.

"What?!" I said at the same time that Sam argued "I beg your pardon?"

Dean looked back and forth between us.

"Sam, You need to stay here... With Toni. Just in case things go sideways, somebody needs to be left standing to take care of the Darkness. We can't risk us both! At the moment, I'm the least valuable player! You both know that I can't kill Amara, so the least I could do is get the thing that we need so that you can!"

Sam looked incredulous and I wanted to argue the Amara point but I let it slide for right now. I wasn't up to the argument that would happen if they knew I'd eavesdropped. And dammit, Dean was stubborn. If he was determined to do this, there would be nothing I could say to stop him.

"So you expect me to sit here and ride pine while you and Cas go play Jules Verne?"

Dean shook his head. "Yes! No. I - who? Nevermind. I expect you to stay here, take care of Toni. Be a good dad if I don't make it back."

"Dean!" I crossed the room to stand in front of him. "I need you here as much as I need Sam. I dont need you running off and getting yourself killed."

He pushed a strand of hair back behind my ear. "I'll be back. Promise."

"I won't let him out of my sight." Cass offered.

I paid little attention to any other words spoken. Instead, I focused on Dean's face. His decision was made. There was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise. Instead, I raised up and kissed him. His lips immediately gave under mine as he wrapped me in a tight embrace. I poured all my love for him into that kiss and prayed that if there was a God, that he'd bring Dean back to me.

\----

Castiel laughed and it felt like sandpaper against my skin. It was unnatural. Mocking. Sam and I stared at him in confusion. We'd been trying to find a way to save Dean from the past. We had the spell, we just needed an archangel and we were fresh out of those. A soul power-up seemed like the only option... Then Cass just started laughing.

"Oh, it's just... I don't need you anymore. I mean, Dean's the one with the link to Amara, why have I been trying to spare you? I mean maybe it's because you're like the girl who kept turning me down at the prom."

Cass grabbed Sam and slammed him against one of the columns. I screamed and rushed forward to pull Cass off of him.

"What the hell Cass!?" I yelled.

The glare he fixed me with chilled me to the core. "If you value that parasite inside of you, you'll think twice. I won't hesitate to end it and you." He warned.

I flashed a worried glance at Sam who gave a slight nod as I backed up. Hating that I felt so helpless.

Cass turned his attention back to Sam. "I will touch your soul. Just because you asked so nicely, and I'll use your spell to blast through the warding and retrieve Dean and the uh, Hand of God, and then when Dean comes back and he finds this place decorated with your guts, I will tell him the truth, Sam. I'll just say, 'Dean - '" He paused and changed his voice. I hadn't really realized that there had been a difference in his voice until he spoke again. "'Dean… he knew the risks. He wouldn't take no for an answer.'"

"Lucifer." Sam accused.

"In the flesh."

I watched in horror, as Castiel... No, Lucifer... put his hand into Sam's chest to touch his soul. Sam screamed in agony and I could only watch as Lucifer relished in the moment. Suddenly, he released Sam and let him fall to the ground. I hurried to where Sam laid, pulling his head into my lap, checking to make sure he was still alive.

"Hello Castiel." Lucifer said and I stared at him in confusion.

Sam regained consciousness and immediately scooted back on the floor, putting himself between me and Cass... Lucifer...

"It's me, Sam..." It was Cass' normal voice again.

"Why Cass?!" I cried out. I felt sick.

"Antoinette. Go. You shouldn't be around him. I... I can barely hold him back." Cass pleaded.

I shook my head and clung to Sam's shirt while Cass explained his motives.

"You can't time travel." Sam didn't seem to be asking, just stating a fact. One we both should have known.

Cass shook his head. "Only Lucifer can."

\----

The bunker was a mess. Once Lucifer had retrieved Dean from the past, he'd been less than pleased. Then the Hand of God didn't work the way he wanted. Dean had been flung across the room, the tables were in a disarray. And I'd made the stupid decision to stand up and draw attention away from Sam who was busy with the angel banishing symbol.

Lucifer flung me back and I hit one of the columns with a thud. Pain exploded through my body as I slid down to the cold floor. Sam activated the sigil and Lucifer was banished from the bunker.

I didn't move. None of us moved for a moment. Then they were crowded around me.

"Toni. Princess. Are you okay?" Dean asked.

Sam echoed the question while both looked me over.

"Yeah... I think so." I answered through gritted teeth.

"You sure... The baby?" Sam asked, worried.

Instinctively, I placed a hand over my stomach and tried to think beyond the pain in my muscles. "I... I think we're both okay. I... I hurt everywhere, but I don't think it's... "

They nodded in unison before Dean stood and lifted me into his arms. "You know I can walk, right?"

"Yep." Was all he said. "We'll clean this later?" He asked Sam, who nodded, running both hands through his hair. My head hurt as I looked at both of them. This was a disaster.

I wrapped an arm around Dean's neck and finally looked at him, letting myself get distracted. I needed a distraction from everything that had just happened. "What are you wearing?"

He laughed. "Navy uniform or something... I stole it to fit in."

I smirked. "Can you keep it?"

He rolled his eyes and I looked behind him at Sam. "You think we can find one to fit you?" I asked the taller brother. "I didn't know I had a thing for a man in uniform until right now."

Sam chuckled. "Only you can get thrown across the room by the devil himself then joke about sex."

"I'm not joking." I answered as Dean deposited me on the extra large bed in Sam's room. "I'm 100% serious."

The brothers stood next to each other, sharing a glance before laughing a bit. The whole situation was more than any of us could handle right now. Castiel was Lucifer's vessel. We were no closer to stopping Amara. I was pregnant and starting to show... It was either joke about Dean in uniform or cry. And I was so very sick of crying.

\----


	29. Chapter 29

Season 11 Post Episode 17-

I hated staying in the bunker. But after the incident with Lucifer, and the fact that I was five months pregnant, it just wasn't smart for me to hunt. We just couldn't risk me being hurt and something happening to the baby.

But I hated it. I hated sitting alone in the library watching TV shows on my laptop waiting for Sam or Dean to call me to let me know they were okay. So far, I'd binged watched all that was available of Dr Who and Game of Thrones, now I was starting Firefly for the bagillionth time. I smirked a little to myself knowing Dean was going to grumble when i started saying "Gorram" again instead of "damn."

Halfway through the third episode, my phone started blaring Led Zeppelin. "Hey, Dean. You guys on your way home yet? The doctor's appointment is in two days."

"Hey princess." He sounded strained and I immediately worried. "I... I was calling to let you know we might not make the appointment. We hit a snag and it may take longer to wrap up than planned."

I frowned at the phone. "Do you need help? Dean?"

"It's okay, princess. I love you, you know that." He responded.

"I love you too, Dean. Baby. You'd tell me if something was wrong, right." I couldn't stop the panic that was rising in me. "Don't make me track your ass down."

He chuckled a little. "I've got it handled, Toni."

"Why don't I believe you?" I whispered into the phone.

"Trust me."

I sighed. "Just come home to me, Dean Winchester. And tell your brother that the same goes for him too."

He chuckled. "I will. I love you."

"I love you too."

He hung up then and I sank back in the chair with a hand over my belly. I chewed on the nails of my other hand and prayed to whoever might listen that the boys were okay.

\---

Sam called me later that night saying that they were done with the hunt and we're on their way home. Relief flooded through me. I barely slept, thinking that any moment they would walk through the bunker doors. Eventually, I fell asleep lying on my side on Sam's overly large bed. I'd been reading, trying desperately to stay awake.

I awoke surrounded by warmth. Confused, I pried my eyes open to find Dean's sleeping face in front of me. He looked exhausted, his hair a mess and dark circles under his eyes. Sam lay behind me, I could feel him pressed along the length of my body. He had one arm flung over me, tucked right under my breasts. Dean had his arm circling my middle, almost like he was hugging my belly.

I shifted a little, my hips twinging a little from the position when I felt it. A strange feeling in my belly. It was hard to describe but I quickly figured out what I was feeling.

I let out a surprised gasp as I felt it again.

As fast asleep as they were, my lovers were still hunters, with hunter instincts. So my little gasp had Dean and Sam wide awake and looking around for whatever may have startled me.

"Wha...?" Dean mumbled and I just grinned, grabbing his hand.

"He's moving!" I whispered excitedly. Once Dean's hand was splayed over my belly, I moved Sam's there as well. I shifted so I lay more of my back while they leaned up on their elbows, hands on my belly.

"I don't feel..." Dean started to say with a disappointed look.

"Here!" Sam exclaimed and moved Dean's hand over a few inches. The elated look of wonder on Dean's face was beautiful. The look on Sam's face mirrored his brothers and I smiled brightly.

"I didn't mean to wake you." I whispered apologetically.

"It's okay." Sam answered and I caught him wince as he moved to lay back down. Concerned, I lifted up on my elbow and pulled up the undershirt he was still wearing.

"Sam..." I let out a breath. "Fuck, baby. You should have told me how bad it was."

"We didn't want to worry you." He answered with a wince as he shifted next to me and got comfortable.

I tossed a look back at Dean who flopped back down on the bed behind me. "Can we talk about it in the morning?" He asked. "I'm beat."

I frowned at them both. As Sam lay on his back, I could see the wound across his stomach that was stitched back together. From the looks of it, it's a miracle he had come back to me. Dean curled up behind me and I glanced back at him. He didn't look so good himself, like he was drug out but I couldn't see any wounds beyond the normal scrapes and bruises that come with hunting.

Gingerly, I snuggled back down between them. I carefully laid my head on the uninjured part of Sam's chest. I needed to hear his heartbeat. He slid an arm under me to curl around my waist. Dean wrapped his arm over my belly, his arm mirroring Sam's. We'd been a triad for so long that, many years ago, they got over the fact that touching while snuggling was just going to happen. So Dean thought nothing of his brother's arm sandwiched between my body and his as we drifted back off.

\----

"Sammy should come with us." Dean said as I was getting dressed for my doctor's appointment. I looked up at where he stood in the doorway of the bedroom and finished pulling on my leggings. It was amazing how comfy these things were. I’d always laughed at the idea of leggings as pants. But being pregnant, that changed my mind. I was living in leggings and long tops.

"Okay. Not that I'm arguing, I consider him as much the father as you are... But we decided it would be difficult to explain." I answered as I stepped into a pair of slip on shoes. I no longer really looked like a hunter these days. I just couldn't get into those clothes. I couldn't bend to put on my boots. So ultimately, I gave up and abandoned my normal look for now.

"Well... I don't care what they think. He should be there too. We can say I might get deployed over seas and he's going to be helping take care of you and the baby... So we want him there." Dean leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest in a nonchalant manner. But I knew better. Something was bugging him but we wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Have you told him yet?" I asked as I grabbed my phone and my bag.

Dean shrugged.

I fixed him with a mock glare. "We'll go! Tell him to get his ass in gear or we'll be late!"

Dean chuckled, bent to kiss me, then disappeared down the hall.

Just what happened on that last hunt....?

\---

I wish I'd had a camera in the exam room to capture to the looks on Sam and Dean's faces when they saw the baby on the ultrasound monitor. Sam's was a look of awe and I swear I saw tears welling in those puppy dog eyes. Dean's expression was one of pure pride.

"Do you want to know the sex?" The doctor asked and I looked over at the two men who stood there looking incredibly out of place in this small room. We had talked about this a little and I wanted to make sure that they were still on the same page with me. If they'd changed their mind, I would go with it.

It took them a moment before they responded. Sam looked at his brother who took a breath before shaking his head. "No. I... I think I'd like to wait."

I smiled at Dean's words before turning back to the doctor. "But can we get a copy of a picture?"

"Of course."

\----

I couldn't sleep later that night. I had laid down with Dean a few hours ago. He still hadn't told me what had happened, but I let him hold me for a while. It felt good to be in his arms and I tried to relax. He snored softly and I closed my eyes, wanting to fall asleep but the restlessness in my legs and the uncomfortable feeling in my lower back persisted. Eventually, I gave up on sleep.

Carefully I slipped from the bed, leaning down to kiss Dean as he slept. I made my way to the kitchen, maybe if I ate something and watch an episode of Big Bang Theory, I'd be able to go back to sleep.

Sam at at the kitchen table staring at the picture of the ultrasound. He had a look on his face that I couldn't read.

"Sam?" I asked softly.

He looked up, startled out of his thoughts. "Toni. I thought you'd gone to bed with Dean."

"Couldn't sleep." I answered as I wandered over to him, reaching my hands to slide them through his hair. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes. "You should be in bed too."

"Hmm... Couldn't sleep." He echoed my words.

"Why not?" I asked as his arms slid around my waist. He turned in the chair so he faced me and guided me to stand between his legs.

"Just thinking about you. And the baby. And Dean... And me." He said softly, rest his chin in my belly and looking up at me with those big hazel eyes.

I continued to run my hands through his hair. "Are you worrying again?"

He let out a laugh. "A little."

I leaned down and captured his lips with mine. "It'll be okay. I'm not hunting anymore and I'll to everything to protect the baby."

He nodded. "I know. But that's not what I meant, not really."

I tilted my head in confusion.

"It's nothing." He shook his head, trying to dismiss the train of thought.

"Sam. It's not nothing. Talk to me." I whispered.

He took a deep breath before bowing his head, placing his forehead against my belly. "I'm just worried about what it all means for us. We... I mean... I know we say that I'll be just as much a dad as Dean. But... You and me... I'm just worried..."

"You think I'm going to make a choice?" I asked. "That I'm going to choose Dean because he's the father of my baby?"

Sam didn't look up, didn't respond and that was just as much of a confirmation as if he had spoken. He was afraid that our relationship was over because of the baby. I tried to think back over the last few months. Beyond the normal crazy, I'd thought I'd been showing both if them equal attention. But maybe I hadn't. I thought about all the times I'd followed Dean to bed while Sam stayed up late. When was the last time I'd gone to sleep with Sam in the last few months?

My heart broke a little. After we'd argued about his lies, we had made up, but we still weren't acting like the horny teenagers we used to. We still hadn't gotten back into the D/s relationship we'd once had. And I'd been so preoccupied with everything else... The darkness, the baby.. that I hadn't noticed that my relationship with Sam was different than it used to be. Different from what I wanted it to be. I wanted us to be like we used to be.

I chewed on my lip for a moment before taking his hands in mine. He looked up at me, question in his eyes. I bent to kiss him, letting my hunger for him take over the kiss. He was tentative at first, questioning, before sensing my submission in the kiss. He hungrily devoured my lips, tongue pushing through my teeth.

He stood, towering over me as he continued to dominate my mouth. I relished the feeling. I always loved the taste of him, but when he let his desire to control though, it just heightened the flavor. I moaned and pressed close to him.

He pulled back as my belly prevented me from getting too much closer. He frowned and I reached up to caress his cheek. "What is it?" I asked.

"You're pregnant." He said plainly.

It was my turn to frown. "Keen grasp of the obvious, my love." I snarked back at him but when he started to pull away from me, my stomach dropped. Was I reading the whole situation wrong? I'd thought he was upset because we hadn't really been intimate in months. But was it really because he didn't actually want me anymore. I was pregnant with his brother's child. Maybe that was just too much of a turn off for him. Swallowing down my fears and willing myself not to let tears fall I finally managed to speak. "Is... Is that a problem? I mean, I understand if you don't want me..."

He turned back to me, startled. "What? No. How could I ever not want you? I want you every second of the day." He took me into his arms again and kissed me hungrily. Relief mingled with confusion but I returned his kiss with equal fervor.

When he pulled back I asked. "Then, what's the matter?"

He sighed and shut his eyes, like he was trying to control himself. Maybe he was. "I'm afraid of hurting you. Of hurting the baby."

I smiled up at him softly, giggling a little at his worries. Gently, I took his hand and pulled him along with me as I backed out of the kitchen. "You could never hurt me, Sam. Let me show you."

He didn't argue as I lead him down the hall to his room. Once there I turned and closed the door. One hand landed on the back of his neck and I pulled him down to meet my kiss. Our lips meshed and tongues dueled. He easily took control of the kiss while I unbuttoned his flannel shirt and pushed it from his shoulders.

We broke apart and he pulled his undershirt over his head. My tank top and leggings followed suit. Reaching forward, I batted his hands away from his jeans to unfasten them myself. When we stood naked, I rose up on my toes to kiss him again. It was a long kiss, and I poured everything I had, all my love, all my desire for him, into that kiss. His hands wandered over my growing breasts and across my belly.

I nipped lightly at his lips and he let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl. I grinned as I pulled back. He made a move to regain control of the encounter but I shook my head. "I have an idea. Trust me?"

"Always, Toni." He responded deliberately.

I chewed on my lip before speaking. "I want to make you feel good. Show you that you won't hurt me. I know it's not our normal game, but I think you'll like what I have in mind, sir."

His eyes darkened with a lust I hadn't seen in too long and he took a long moment before he responded, "And what did my little girl have in mind?"

I beamed under the use of his name for me and it made my knees go weak. "Lay on the bed, please, sir?"

He raised an eyebrow at me before complying. Sam settled against the pillows and took my breath away. His wound stood out against his chest and I tried not to look at it. It would just make me sad. But the chiseled muscle, his gorgeous face, and the rock hard erection that stood up, begging to be touched and licked, those I could stare at all day.

Licking my lips, my eyes on his, I carefully climbed up from the foot of the bed. Eyes still locked with Sam's I dipped my head and licked the length of his cock from base to tip. His eyes fluttered closed and a moan escaped from his lips. Emboldened, I let my tongue circle the head before sliding the length into my mouth. His hands slid into my hair and I stopped and pulled back. "No touching."

He quirked an eyebrow and I nearly lost all nerve. "Little girl?"

I bit my lip. "Please, sir. Not yet?"

He watched me with lustful eyes but nodded, settling back against the pillows, bringing his arms up to rest his head on his hands. I grinned a little before returning to the erection in front of me. I swirled my tongue around the head again before taking it into my mouth and sucking.

I started to bob my head up and down on him. I shifted my weight, unable to bend the way I'd used to, but managed to arrange myself between his legs. One hand braced myself while the other gripped the base of his cock, letting it slide along my tongue and into my throat.

Sam's moans filled the room and the sound of them spurred me on. I loved the sounds he made. Pride filled me. I knew how to please him, I knew how he liked to be touched, how to use my mouth to make those sounds come from him. I picked up my pace, sucking as I slid his cock in and out of my mouth. "Fuck yea, little girl. That's... That's it."

I grinned at his praise and glanced up at his face. Eyes closed and head thrown back against the pillows, his hands were now by his side, gripping the sheets. Fuck, he was beautiful. I rubbed my thighs together, needing the friction on my core. I was so wet, I could feel it on my thighs.

After one last slow suck on the head of his cock, I pulled back. His eyes locked on mine as I moved. I tried to be sexy but wasn't used to trying to move in such a manner. I managed to climb up his body, catching his lips with mine. His hands ran up my sides and I almost forgot my own rule. Fuck did I need his touch.

But I grinned as I pulled back from his lips and moved his hands from my body. I slid back down his chest, careful of his wound, and straddled his hips. I could feel him hard and throbbing against my cunt and I bit back a moan. Reaching between my legs, I took him in my hand and rubbed his length along my dripping wet core, teasing us both.

Eyes locked with his, I slowly guided myself down onto his cock. I couldn’t stop the moan that tore from my lips as he stretched me... Filled me. Fuck it felt so good. I struggled to control myself. I was so used to relinquishing control during sex. I bit my lip and squirmed as I let myself sink down until he filled me completely. I fought to maintain my breathing. Fought the urge to just be him to fuck me, pound me, use me.

I hadn't realized I'd closed my eyes until I was opening them again and locking gazes with him. His breathing was not as controlled at it normally was. His hands were tangled in the sheets with an effort not to touch me. He looked like a caged animal about the break loose... And I loved it.

The image of him, barely in control of himself made me move. I lifted myself up until his cock was nearly out before I sank all the way back down. We moaned loudly at the feeling and I soon found a rhythm. Rocking back and forth, and rotating my hips a bit, I rode him. I had to bite my lip to keep control of myself as my own pleasure mounted.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous, little girl." I heard him say. His voice was broken, a little out of breath. I beamed under his praise and threw my head back rocking against him harder. I felt his touch, I knew I should say something. It was against my rules for the game but I didn't care.

His hands gripped my thighs as his hips bucked up into me. I cried out as he pushed deeper into me. My body shook with the feel of him as he took over the pace. And his hands were suddenly everywhere. They roamed over my belly, one hand deftly found my right nipple while the other ventured lower, flicking over my clit. I cried out as my orgasm shook me.

I fell forward as pleasure rolled through me. I barely caught myself from landing on his chest and wound. I started to feel uncomfortable with the belly pressing oddly at the angle before I was suddenly on my back. Sam hovered over me, one of my legs braced over his arm as his hips thrust into me.

"Enough of your game, little girl. It was cute, you trying to be in control." Sam's voice made me shiver as he found a rhythm. I could only grip his shoulders and throw my head back and relish the feel of him fucking me. "Who is really in control, little girl?"

"You, sir." I barely managed to say between moans. My body shook with pleasure as he picked up his pace. "I... I'm so close...."

"Not yet, little girl. Not yet." Sam growled in my ear. I whined a little, trying to control my body. His hands slid under my hips, changing the angle and I cried out again.

"Fuck, I love this view." He was saying, his voice making me shiver like it was sliding over my over-sensitive skin. "It feels a little dirty doesn't it, little girl? Belly full of my brother's child, but it's me fucking you right now. It's me that's owning your body right now."

I cried out. His words adding to the building orgasm I knew was coming. I shook with the concentration of trying not to cum before he said I could. My fingernails bit into his shoulder.

"Please..." I begged.

"Please what, little girl?" Sam asked, without changing his pace. I knew him well enough to know that he was holding back his own climax.

"Please, sir. I wanna cum. Please let me cum."

"Do it." He grunted as he relentlessly pounded into my cunt. I felt like he intended to fuck me right through the mattress, and I loved it.

I screamed as pleasure exploded and rolled through my body. Eyes squeezed closed as I clung to Sam. He stilled above me as he came inside me. When I pried my eyes open, he was still hovering above me, hair matted with sweat as he tried to catch his breath. I reached up and laid a hand against his cheek and he nuzzled my hand without thinking.

It took him a moment before he moved and I watched him wince as he started to climb off the bed. He was going to get a washcloth as part of our normal aftercare ritual. I reached out and grabbed his arm as I moved behind him. He looked at me with questioning eyes. "Don't worry about it, you're still injured." I whispered and sat up, dropping kisses to his shoulder.

"Still need to clean up." He smiled back, leaning down to kiss me.

"Then let me come with you." I answered when we broke apart again.

He smiled at me and rested a hand over my belly, laughing as he felt a light movement under his palm. "I love you, so much."

"I know. I love you too." I kissed him once more before letting him help me off the bed. Together we headed to the showers where we took turns washing each other and just enjoying the water pressure and each other's presence.


	30. Chapter 30

The heartburn was insane. The insomnia was even more annoying. I'd taken to pacing a bit when I couldn't sleep while Sam and Dean were on a case. But my swelling ankles made that difficult as well. When I did sleep, the vivid dreams had me waking up in a sweat and panic. The most recent one had me afraid to go back to sleep despite it being 4am.

I'd dreamt that I'd gone into labor early and the boys weren't there. But Amara, the darkness, had been. She'd wanted my baby. Dean's baby. I'd fought but couldn't do much of anything. I'd woken up screaming after dream-me had given birth and watched as Amara had left me in a pool of my own blood. The smile on her face as she looked down at my baby would haunt me for days.

I stared at my phone, desperately wanting to call Dean. I needed to hear his voice. But they were on a case. And a hunt could be ruined by a ringing cell phone. I didn't want to be the cause of anyone getting hurt. Didn't want to distract him or Sam. I wouldn't forgive myself if that happened. So I pushed past the pain if my swelling ankles and paced.

I ended up in the kitchen staring into the fridge. I wanted... Something. Something we obviously didn't have in the bunker. With a huff, I changed into presentable clothes and headed to the garage. Getting behind the wheel of my charger was an interesting venture but finally I adjusted the seat and steering wheel so I could fit my growing belly and still touch the pedals. Maybe I needed to look into getting a different car. A more "mom" car.

I reached the 24 hour supermarket and headed inside the mostly empty store. Yogurt, watermelon, bacon, popcorn, and Milano cookies ended up in my cart alongside some peanut butter and apple juice. I was in the ice cream section when I realized that there wasn't really anyone around but I could feel eyes on me.

My blood ran cold when a woman appeared. Her long dark hair, dark eyes, and dress that clung to her curves told me who she was. She looked a little different than she had in my dreams. Cautiously, I took a few steps back. I was so screwed. I knew that. The gun and knife in my purse would do nothing against God's sister.

"You need not fear me, Antoinette." Amara spoke. She was as gorgeous as she was terrifying.

"Oh?"

"Indeed, you are one of the few on this Earth who can say that." She answered.

"Somehow it's not me that's safe, but my baby." I answered.

She shrugged as if the different didn't bother her. "Regardless, I am not here to hurt you. I'm here to make sure you are well. You are often on Dean's mind."

"How do you know his mind?" I questioned. Dean hadn't mentioned anything like that.

She shook her head. "I cannot read his mind, little bug." She said the words like they were an endearment. But I still felt like she'd squash me like a little bug if given the chance. "But I can tell. He and I are connected, remember. I know he worries for you and his child."

"Well, you kinda want to destroy the world his child is to be born into. So worrying is kinda understandable." I answered, trying to keep my snark to a minimum. That's hard to do when stressed. I could feel the baby move and I put a hand on my stomach trying to soothe them.

Amara moved faster that I could blink. She stood right in front of me, her eyes on my belly. Tentatively, she placed a hand next to mine and stared as she felt it move. "Sometimes, my brother's creations are remarkable." She brought her eyes to mine. "Do not do anything stupid, Toni. Don't let Dean do stupid things. Don't stand against me. I do not wish to hurt you now, but this is your only warning."

And just as quickly as she'd arrived, she disappeared. I let out a breath I was holding and wrapped my arms around my belly protectively for a moment as I tried to slow my racing heart. A man in an apron with the supermarket logo on it came around the corner and I jumped out if my skin.

"I'm sorry, miss. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He asked.

I nodded swiftly. "Yes... Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

I quickly headed to the check out then back to the bunker. Praying Sam or Dean would call me soon. I needed them more than ever.

\---

The boys arrived home the next day. After hearing what had happened, they finished their case and drove through the night to get home. Dean barrelled down the stairs calling my name. Obviously, despite my assurances that I was fine, he needed to make sure. Sam was hot in his heels, clearly feeling the same way.

I was sitting on Sam's bed when they arrived and immediately found myself sandwiched between them. "I still need to breath, guys." I managed.

Dean's lips found mine in several small kisses while Sam settled behind me as a strong silent presence. Dean moved down to place his lips against my belly. "I was so worried. When you said she showed up... I just...."

I reached out and ran my hand through his hair, bringing him back up to sit next to me. "I know... I know. But I'm okay. She... I think she was just trying to scare me. Scare us. Throw us off our plans."

Sam's face was buried in my hair. "Definitely scared me."

"Me too." Dean echoed.

"Me three." I shifted so I was settled better, with my swollen feet stretched out in front of me. "I'm just glad you're both here now."

\---

Dean refused to let me leave the bunker after that. Sam argued that a pregnant woman needed fresh air, but Dean was adamant that fresh air would mean nothing if I were dead.

"You can't keep me and our baby locked up forever, Dean!" I stood with my hands on my hips glaring at the elder Winchester brother. He wasn't even looking at me as he made his coffee. Bastard. I missed coffee and that was making me grumpier than usual.

"I have to keep you safe. I can't lose you." He answered, still not looking up.

Frustrated, I grabbed the glass I'd been drinking apple juice from and flung it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered not too far from his head. He whirled around in frustration. "What the hell, Toni!?"

"I will not be kept in here like a prisoner or a zoo exhibit! And I won't have our baby grow up in fear of the outside because YOU are afraid." I yelled at him, my face hot and my blood pounding in my ears.

Sam came running around the corner a moment later, worry on his face. "Are you okay, I heard a crash?"

"We're fine." Dean answered, completely ignoring what I'd said in favor of responding to his brother... which pissed me off even more.

"No, we aren't fine. Sam tell him I'm not some princess to lock in a tower away from the world. I'm a hunter dammit and after the baby is born, I will be hunting again. I can't just stay inside forever. I won't let our baby be locked away either."

"They shouldn’t be brought up the way we were." Dean argued.

"Why the hell not?!" I responded. Sam slowly started to back away, afraid of getting into the conversation. I pointed at him, "don't you dare go anywhere."

"Because look at us! We’re fuck ups! This life is insane! It's dangerous. The kid deserved a normal life, away from the monsters." Dean answered. "But I can't just send you away... being unprotected is even worse. Too many know that the baby is mine.... so my only option is to do whatever I can to keep you safe!"

"This is ridiculous!" I exclaimed and stormed away.

"Toni!"

"Shove it, Dean!"

"Dude. We've all talked about this." I heard Sam say to his brother, but I couldn't stick around to hear the rest. I was fuming.

I understood to an extent where he was coming from. They had lost their mother, their father, Bobby, Charlie, Kevin... and numerous others to this life. While neither talked about it, they'd both lost loves, Lisa, Jess... even Ruby was still a sore spot for Sam. Dean was just terrified that I'd fall to the same fate, but I couldn't sit and do nothing but raise a child for the rest of my life. That wasn't me. I couldn't be a princess in tower. I wouldn't let my child grow up that.

Frustrated, I called Jody. She picked up right as I was about to hang up. "Toni? What's up?"

"I'm sorry, Jody. You sound busy. I won't bother you. It's not important." I stammered into the phone.

"Bullshit. Any time you call it's important. How's the mini-T?" She pulled the momma voice on me and it was oddly comforting. I smirked at the nickname for the baby. Mini-T came from Claire who had taken to calling me T whenever I talked to her. Mini-T was just the natural progression for the young girl.

"They are fine. It's the Father that's driving me insane." I grumbled as I entered my old room, it was my sanctuary still, for when I needed to be by myself.

She laughed a little. "Which one?"

I laughed a bit, loving that she was so open to my relationship with both of the brothers. When we told her that both of them would act as father to the baby, she immediately accepted it. "Dean."

"Ah. Is he being a dick? Do I need to knock him upside his skull?"

"I don't think it would do any good. He's trying to be my hero or something. Wants to keep me locked away so nothing with hurt me."

Jody laughed into the phone. "Yea, like that's gonna work."

"That's what I said!" I proceeded to rehash the argument and Jody just listened. When I was done ranting I suddenly felt better.

"You good now?" She asked, clearly knowing that I just needed to bitch about it.

"Yea... I think so. I mean, I get what he's trying to do... But.."

"You can't change who you are, T. You wouldn't be the woman they love if you do." Jody answered.

"Can you tell them that?" My voice sounded like a little girl's talking to her mother.

She laughed lightly. "I don't think I need to. They'll figure it out."

A soft knock at my door drew my attention and I sighed. "I'm gonna let you go. Thank you Jody. I love you."

"Love you too, T." She answered and I heard a chorus behind her of Claire and Alex echoing her words.

"Tell them I love them too." I laughed before hanging up. I took a deep breath before calling for whoever was knocking to come in.

Slowly the door opened to reveal Dean Winchester. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I settled back against the pillows of my bed. They weren't as comfy as Sam or Dean's pillows but they helped support my aching back. I raised an eyebrow at him and waited for him to talk.

He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked around the bed and sat down at my feet. It took him a few more moments to speak. "I m sorry, Toni. I just... I'm so worried right now. And then she showed up when we weren't there to protect you... And if anything happened to you..."

I sighed and reached to take his hand in mine. "Dean. You can't try and change me. I'm a hunter. You fell in love with a hunter. I... I can't change who I am. Please don't ask me to."

He nodded and finally looked up at me. "I feel like I'm always asking you to forgive me. I'm just so fucked up. Sometimes I think you'd be better off without me... That our baby would be better off without me around to screw it up." He spoke so low I could barely hear him. There was real pain in his eyes.

"You're afraid you are going to end up like John?" I asked and he flinched before looking away. I raised my hand and trailed my fingertips along his cheek, they were moist from tears. "And that's why you won't be like him. Beyond that, you'll have me and Sam to help. We will find a balance between protecting them and letting them be children. Our kids will kick ass but also know they are loved. But I won't lock them away. I want them to go to school and make friends." I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. "We are going to make mistakes. We are going to fuck up. But we learn from that and fix problems when they come up. And we are in this together, okay?"

He nodded and leaned forward to kiss me again. "I'm still sorry."

I laughed. "And I'm sorry I threw that glass at your head."

He chuckled. "I deserved it."

I kissed him again in response, deepening the kiss. He paused for a moment as if he were uncertain if he should continue. I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him close. He didn't need any more encouragement. His hands cupped my face, holding me as he deepened the kiss further, his tongue slipping past my teeth. I could taste the coffee he had earlier. I giggled as I pulled back.

Dean looked at me with an odd face. "What's got you giggly, princess?"

I laughed a little harder. "I just really miss coffee and you taste so good right now."

He burst out laughing for a moment before gently tackling me to the mattress. He hovered over me, one knee pressed between my thighs. I instinctively shifted my hips, lightly grinding my core against the hard muscle of his thigh. He half growled at me despite the bright grin on his face. "You just want me for the coffee or beer in my breath, hmm?" He teased.

"Well, that's not the only thing I want from you?" I grinned as I threw my head back, wantonly grinding against him now. I didn't really realize how horny I was until he was above me and between my legs.

"Mmmm good." He answered before pulling back to rid himself of his shirt and pants. Gently and slow enough to drive me wild, he pulled my soft yoga pants down my legs and pulled my shirt over my head. His hands were warm as they caressed my body, starting at my calves, he worked his way up my legs, over my hips, across my belly and landing on my breasts. His lips caught mine again as his hands wandered. I lost track of where he was touching, my skin felt like it was alive. Every touch had me shivering and shuddering under him.

His mouth moved down my neck and over my collarbone as one hand traced down over my still growing belly and delved between my thighs. His fingers found my clit and I cried out as he applied pressure just as his teeth grazed over my nipple. Pleasure rolled through me and I arched off the bed.

I shifted my hips, eagerly wanting more, but he continued to just tease me without actually dipping those talented fingers into my core. "Please," I begged and he chuckled.

He let my nipple pop from his mouth before kissing me again. "So eager." He grinned.

"Fuck yes! Fuck me, Dean!" I cried out as he flicked my clit again.

He chuckled. "Not yet, princess."

I clutched the sheets as he moved his way down my body, taking an extra moment to make sure he kissed my baby bump before moving lower. I couldn't see him, couldn't even tangle my hands in his hair as his mouth descend on me. His lips, tongue, and teeth sucked and licked at my pussy while I squirmed on the mattress. Finally, he sank two fingers into my cunt and I screamed as he curled them just right. I came hard, thighs immediately squeezing around his head as my body shook.

As the sensations started to subside, he pulled away and settled himself between my thighs. He arranged my legs to give himself the best access and sank into me. His thick cock stretched and filled me. I moaned at the intense feeling. My body arched to meet him. Once he was fully seated he bent over my belly to kiss me. I could taste myself on his tongue.

He started a slow rhythm. While Sam tended to set a brutal pace that had me hanging onto reality as pleasure overcame me, Dean was slow and torturous. His long slow thrusts had me writhing, desperate for more until I crashed over the edge of ecstasy. I clutched at the sheets, moaning and crying out his name as he made love to me.

His pace picked up after several moments and I knew he was close. I was lost in pleasure that was rolling through me. His fingers flicked over the nipples of my enlarged and tender breasts and I shuddered, cumming again. He lifted my legs a little, letting him fuck me at a different angle and I screamed as he hit that sweet spot deep inside me. As my walls clenched around him he let out a cry of his own before shuddering as he came.

He took a moment before he could move and when he did, he pulled from me gently and collapsed next to me. Still sweaty and breathing hard, he pulled me close and kissed me solidly. "I love you, Antoinette."

I laughed. "I love you too, you silly goon."

"I just don't want you to ever forget." He whispered against my hair. I snuggled into him.

"Never."


	31. Chapter 31

Seven and a half months pregnant was starting to wear on me. I was seriously hating this. Sam and Dean had left to check out a case in Idaho... And it had been too long since their last check it. I was worried. The last thing they'd told me was that there were reports of black fog, like the kind we had dealt with when the Darkness first appeared. The kind that turned you into a rabid monster before you died.

I sat in the war room, going through some of the baby things I'd bought, trying not to worry too much. One minute I was folding onesies that the few friends I had had sent me, the next Sam and Dean stood in around the table. I shrieked in shock and immediately scrambled back. What the fuck?

Immediately, Sam and Dean rushed to my side and caught me before ass met concrete. I looked at them all, my mouth opening and closing like a fish as I stared at Chuck. Weird, awkward, writer, prophet if the Lord, Chuck. He stood there very nonchalantly with a bit of a smirk on his face. "I... I don't understand." I started. "Chuck is an angel?"

"A bit more than that I reckon, sweetheart." Dean replied.

I watched in stunned silence as Kevin emerged from behind Chuck, told us to trust him before Chuck sent him to... Heaven? Wait? Did that mean Chuck was...?

"Holy crap!" Dean and I exclaimed at the same time.

"Okay. So, wow, um... Chuck." Sam paused to chuckle. "Well, I guess we don't call you that, huh?"

Chuck shrugged. "I prefer it."

I could feel the nervous energy from Sam without actually having to see it. My eyes were on Chuck... God? With a big capital G! "Okay, uh, "Chuck" it is." Sam sighed. "I'm sorry. You're gonna have to, uh, give us a moment to start to process. We didn't even know you were around. I mean, we knew about Chuck, but we just didn't know about... Chuck. I mean, I... I was hoping you were around. I prayed and I... but I don't know if they got, uh, lost in the spam or if..."

"Sam?" Dean said.

"Yeah?"

"Babbling"

"Okay." Sam seemed to shrink a little and I slipped one of my hands into his and gave a squeeze. My other hand rested against Dean's arm. I wasn't sure if it was to comfort them, or ground mem

"I'm getting that not everyone's totally on board." Chuck responded.

Dean frowned. "Here's the thing, um...Chuck... And I mean no disrespect. Um... I'm guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that's great. That's, you know... It's fantastic. Um, but you've been gone a... long, long time. And there's so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don't know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, or did you just tune it out?"

Chuck looked solemn. "I was aware, Dean."

"But you did nothing. And, again, I'm not trying to piss you off. You know, I don't want to turn into a pillar of salt..." Dean looked flustered.

"I actually… didn't do that." He responded and I tilted my head... Hmph. Who'd thunk? What else didn't he do?

Dean was able to focus better than me... But he had the benefit of not having pregnancy brain. "Okay. People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing."

Chuck sighes. "You're frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on.. Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It's enabling."

"But it didn't get better." I whispered.

Chuck looked at me for a moment and I wanted to hide. Maybe j shouldn't have said anything. "Well i've been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has."

Dean was getting frustrated. "Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you're trying to justify it."

I didn't expect the words that came out of Chuck's mouth next. "I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don't confuse me with your dad."

I felt the pain ripple through Dean and I squeezed his arm to let him know I was there. The baby started to kick and I tried to ignore it. But it seemed to know when it's parents were upset... Or maybe it sensed the presence of the All-Mighty.

They argued for a few minutes about Amara and Lucifer before Chuck left in search of a room and a shower. We watched him disappear down the hallway and still didn't move for several moments afterwards.

A sharp kick within my womb pulled a gasp from my lips and I cringed, drawing their attention to me. "I'm okay.... The baby is just dancing a fucking jig or something. Must be that Irish heritage." I grumbled and rubbed the side of my belly.

They helped me to the chair and I sank down into it gratefully. Looking up at them, I had need to touch them both. My hands slid into theirs and tugged them close until Dean was leaning against the table on one side of me and Sam on the other. "You guys okay?"

"Physically... Yea."

"It was touch and go for a minute there." Dean mumbled. "Before Chuck showed up."

I took a breath. "Chuck is God... I'm still needing to take a minute in that one..."

"Seriously." Sam answered, running a hand through his hair.

Chuck didn't show himself again for the rest for the evening. And I found myself in Sam's room with one brother curled around me, and myself curled around the other. Sleeping arrangements we're getting increasingly difficult as I increased in size, but they didn't seem to mind. I woke several times to one or the other gently rubbing circles over my belly. When Sam woke early the next morning for his run, he kissed my forehead like he always did then bent to kiss the baby as well. I swore I heard him whisper, "be good and let momma sleep."

It made me smile before sinking back into sleep.

\----

When I woke again it was to Dean grumbling and the sound of someone loudly singing folk rock songs. Frowning at my now empty bed, I started to muster the strength to get up. It was a process these days. Everything tended to hurt and feel swollen in the mornings... Well all the time, but it was worse in the morning. It took me awhile to get dressed and make it to the bathroom before I shuffled my way to the kitchen. Shuffle cause dammit I wasn't waddling quite yet.

"...Too much drama. Do you have any bacon?" Chuck was saying as I walked in.

Dean grinned at Chuck "You eat bacon?" His grin getting brighter as his eyes landed on me.

Chuck replied. "Yeah."

I smiled sleepily and made my way to a chair, lowering myself into it. "Do we have any bacon? I'd kill for some right now!"

Sam smiled as he leaned across the table to kiss me. "I think we have some. If not, I'll run out and get some."

Dean started rummaging through the cabinets and fridge as Chuck sat in a chair next to me. "So how are you and the little princess this morning?"

The air seemed to leave the room. Deanust have hand something in his hands because the only sound the filled the kitchen was the sound of something crashing into the concrete floor. I stared with wide eyes at Chuck's knowing grin before looking across to Sam and then to Dean.

Sam had a grin on his face while Dean looked... Terrified? His mouth hung open and his eyes wide. My stomach dropped. Chuck had basically told us the sex of our child like it was nothing.

"I...its a g...girl?" Dean stuttered, turning slowly, not bothering to pick up if the stuff from the floor.

"Yep." Chuck answered.

Sam stood and clasped Dean on the shoulder, a giant grin on his face. "A girl! That's fantastic!" After he hugged a still stunned Dean, he bent to me and left a long kiss on my lips before kneeling in front of me. "Hey little princess. This is exciting news. I know we said we wanted to wait til you were born, but I'm just so excited. You're going to be just like your mom. Kick-Ass and gorgeous."

"Sam." Dean said.

"Yeah?"

"Babbling."

Sam just grinned like a madman and kissed my belly before kissing me again. I turned to Dean and gathered my courage. "You're happy, right Dean? That it's a girl?"

My voice must have broken a little because instantly he was on his knees in front of me, both my hands in his. "Of course, sweetheart. Of course I am... It's just... Not what I expected to hear first thing in the morning... From the lips of God."

Chuck coughed. "Right. Sorry about that. Umm.. about that bacon?"

\---

They'd argued while I ate my toast, sausage, and watermelon. Dean seemed personally affronted at Chuck's apparent lack of regard over the loss of life at the hands of Amara. Not that I could blame him. I had developed a whole new perspective on life in the last few months. There had been children, babies, in that town that Amara destroyed. But I kept my mouth shut at the moment. Dean and Sam were talking enough. I didn't need to add my own voice to the mix.

Eventually, Sam and Dean made the decision to go check out the town, leaving me alone with Chuck. I sat on Dean's bed as he packed.

"You okay, babe?" I asked, watching him closely. Something else was bothering him. He tended to keep a lot of his emotions under wraps but I'd learned a long time ago that there would reach a point when he would want to talk.

He stopped pulling clothes from his dresser and took a deep breath. "No." He answered.

"You ready to talk about it?"

He turned towards me after closing the drawer. "Would you be upset if I said No?"

I offered him a smile. "No. Ive known you for how many years? I know that when you're ready, you'll talk. I'd like for you to talk to me before you leave. I'm worried about you and this while connection to Amara thing... But I won't push you to talk."

He bent to kiss me before silently finishing packing his bag. He stood there for several moments, staring at the canvas and plastic duffle bag and I figured that was going to be the end of the conversation.

"It's just been a lot. And I'm worried." He spoke, still staring at the bag. "Amara. She has a hold over me and... I'm afraid of what's going to happen. Knowing that God is real... That should make me feel better. But it doesn't." Slowly he turned and fell to his knees, placing his hands on my belly, resting his forehead against it. "It's a girl. Our baby. My daughter.... And I'm terrified. What sort of world are we bringing her into? It's just all of everything right now. And I really don't know what else to say... It's just..." He sighed and I ran my hands through his hair.

Nothing I could say would make his feel better. I shared most of his fears. So we sat in silence for a while, holding each other until Sam knocked on the door. "Dean, you ready?"

Reluctantly, Dean stood and kissed me solidly, his hand sliding around the back of my neck, holding me to him while he devoured my mouth. It was like he was drawing out a memory. Seering it into both our minds before he pulled back, kissed my forehead and turned to pick up his bag. Sam smiled at me and gave me a kiss of his own. I was still reeling from Dean but Sam's gentle hand on my cheek that slid into my hair grounded me.

They whispered their declarations of love and left me sitting on the bed with the taste of both their kisses on my lips.

\---

I had no idea what to expect from being alone in the bunker with Chuck. Chuck who is God. That still felt weird. The bubbling writer who published the Supernatural books, who sometimes word for word put the lives of the Winchester's on paper... I guess it made sense when I looked back on it. But it was still weird.

I found him sitting at the table of the library fiddling on Dean's laptop. Shaking my head, I placed one of the plates in my hand down next to him before sitting in a nearby chair with my own plate. " Not really sure what you eat, if you eat, but I was making a sandwich for myself... And if you don't eat it, i probably will. I'm always hungry these days.... And I'm babbling." I took a large bite of the sandwich to stop my runaway mouth.

He chuckled a little, picking up the turkey sandwich from the plate and taking a bite. "This is good." He answered, mouth still full of bread, meat, and cheese. I shook my head laughing. I guess God didn't really need table manners. "And I eat because I like to. I like a lot of things humans do. The food is amazing..."

I smirked a bit but didn't say anything else.

"Sorry about before... You guys didn't know it was a girl." He gestured towards my stomach.

I absentmindedly rubbed my belly, feeling her move a little. "We were going to wait... But, I mean, unless we figure out a way to stop the darkness.... She won't even be born. So... I guess. Glad to know now." My voice trailed off. I hadn't meant to say that. I hadn't even dared let myself think that my baby may not even see this world... The Darkness was fixated on destroying it. I coughed and shoved more food into my mouth. I couldn't think about this... I couldn't cry... Not in front of Chuck...

Chuck was silent for a few minutes and that silence was heavy on the air. The tension coming from him made it hard to breathe. "I... I'm not all-knowing. Not really. I don't get to see my future. I don't know what to tell you, Toni. I wish I had great and powerful words that will make you feel better. I wish I could tell you that your daughter will see this world, with all its imperfections and beauty." He walked across the room and placed a hand on my belly. "But I will do what I can to make sure you both are safe."

He turned away then and I blinked several times. What was I supposed to say to that?

\---

Safe. That was seeming more and more like a joke. An impossible concept that not even God himself could provide. Sam and Dean had returned to the bunker with a prophet and then Metatron. Now they had decided on a mission to rescue Lucifer from Amara.

I closed my eyes and leaned back in the plush chair Dean had acquired and placed in the library for me. "Gotta keep my girl comfy." He'd said, very proud of himself. I was mostly proud that he'd found a way to get it home. I'm still convinced he stole a truck to do it, but he still wouldn't say. Everyone had scattered to do what they needed to do to prepare for the rescue mission, which left me alone to worry.

It was Sam who found me first. Quietly he knelt between my knees and placed his hands gently on my legs, looking up with concern in his hazel eyes. "You going to be okay?"

I smiled softly at him. "Are you?"

He chuckled. "You know me."

"Yea I do, Mr Self-Sacrifice."

He huffed with a smirk. "You don't normally confuse me for my brother."

I reached out and smacked his shoulder. "I'm worried about you both. This could go wrong in so many ways... And I'm worried about Dean and this... Connection... He has with her..." The last few words caught in my throat in the weirdest way.

Sam's brow furrowed in a frown. "What do you mean?"

I sighed and glanced around briefly. The last thing I needed was for someone else to hear what I was thinking. "It's just... I know there's more than what he's telling me. And... I heard him, a few weeks ago, when that monster thing was supposed to show him his hearts desire..."

"And it showed him her..." Sam finished my sentence.

I nodded and looked at my hands. "I'm just afraid... That maybe he doesn't really want me anymore. Or the baby... Our daughter... What if he really does want her… Amara?"

"Toni, that's..."

"Stupid! I know!" I pushed him away and stood as abruptly as I could. "Ugh! When did I become a hormonal, worthless, emotional sap!? I'm a hunter, dammit. I'm not supposed to be sitting around worrying and biting my nails waiting for you two to come home."

Sam's eyes followed me as I paced back and forth before settling over my head. I spun to see who had walked in. Dean didn't hesitate to cross the room and pull me into his arms. "You are the strongest and most amazing woman I know. And I don't know what brought this little rant on. But I need you to know... That knowing you're waiting here, with our daughter, it makes me work harder to come home."

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I buried my face into Dean's shirt. I felt another hand push my hair from my face and I looked up at Sam. "The same goes for me, Toni."

I shifted a bit in Dean's arms and pulled Sam close as well. We stood in an awkward embrace, arms at weird angles and stances slightly off to accommodate my belly. I chuckled a little and moved their hands to my right side as their daughter kicked and moved, demanding attention from her fathers.

"You both need to come back to me. Understood?" I demanded in a stern voice.

They laughed a little. "Yes ma'am."


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

 

I don’t know what I expected when Sam, Dean, Metatron, and Chuck decided that rescuing Lucifer, and by extension Cass, from Amara was the best course of action. But now Metatron was dead and God and Lucifer were feuding in my home. It was like a sitcom dad and son arguing over the teenage boy’s curfew or driving privileges, complete with the son locking himself in his room… or in this case, Sam’s room. Which was straight up annoying because that was also the room I spent the most time in. I’m sure Lucifer thought it was funny on some level. He had spent so much time and effort trying to get Sam to agree to be his meat suit, now he was stealing Sam’s room. I probably would have found it funny too if I weren’t pregnant and really wanting the more comfortable bed. But how do you yell at Lucifer that you want your bed back. Someone I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t end up dead for merely mentioning it. 

Generally, I stayed out of the way. The last thing I wanted was to be caught in the crossfire if something went wrong with two very powerful beings and their tempers. So I spent most of the time in Dean’s room, reading, resting, and watching Game of Thrones on Sam’s laptop. Eventually, Dean wandered in and snuggled next to me. I let my weight fall into his side and we sat there, staring at the computer screen until the episode finished. 

“They finally talked and figured things out, I think… I hope.” He said, his face mostly buried in my hair. 

“Good, cause I’m hungry.” I smiled back at him and poked him in the ribs. “Help me up.”

He groaned. “I just want to stay in here with you.”

I laughed a little as my growling stomach answered his remark for me. With a sigh he relented and stood to help me up. 

“I feel like a whale.” I grumbled and it was his turn to chuckle. 

“You are gorgeous.” He bent to kiss me and we headed towards the kitchen. 

 

Sam, Chuck, and Lucifer were already in the kitchen when we arrived. Clearly, the planning process had already begun. I still shuddered at that thought of working with Lucifer but I felt better about it all now that he and Chuck had made up. Enemy of my enemy is my friend. So now we needed to tackle the great question, “How the hell do we stop Amara?” 

Dean joined them at the table while I headed towards the fridge to make a sandwich, stopping to kiss Sam briefly as I walked past where he sat. He reached up to run a hand through my hair, letting me feel the love in his kiss while still keeping the kissed short.

I hated that I didn’t have much to contribute to the planning, so I decided to focus on making sandwiches for all of them while listening as they planned. Currently, said planning consisted of listing out the possible allies they had to try pull this off 'Operation Keep Amara From Destroying The World.’ I zoned out while they talked, eyes and concentration on piling various sliced meats onto bread, until I heard the distinctly un-Cass like voice from Castiel say 

“Sam, it’s about his girlfriend.” 

I looked up then, looking over at the four men seated around the table. I narrowed my eyes thinking the asshole was talking about me before I realized that Dean was distinctly not looking at me. Sam shot me a glance and I realized they were talking about Amara. Lucifer was referring to The Darkness as Dean’s girlfriend? I knew about the connection between them, but had I missed something else?

“Shut up.” Dean snapped.

“Dean Winchester, meets the biggest evil in the universe and he takes a pass?” Lucifer continued and I gripped the knife I was using to cut the sandwiches a little harder. “Now he wants Daddy to do what he couldn’t.”

“Is he right?” I heard Sam say the words I was screaming inside my head. I knew that Amara had a thing for Dean because he bore the Mark. But was there more? What hadn’t Dean told me? I bit my lip as insecurities tore at my stomach even as the baby shifted position, adding to my discomfort.

“I am not going to get into it with him.” Dean sidestepped the question and that just made it worse. They goaded him for a few moments but I didn’t really listen to them. No, I was waiting for Dean’s answer. 

“I tried to kill her… It didn’t work.” 

“Maybe it didn’t work because you didn’t want it to work.” I hated that Lucifer was saying the exact thoughts that were running through my head. 

“Yea, maybe there’s a part of me that just can’t hurt her.” Dean’s words finally confirmed enough of what I needed to hear. I dropped the knife to the table and turned without a word and left the room. 

“Toni…” I heard Dean’s voice as I left but I didn’t turn or slow down. 

“Let her go man, unless you feel like getting shot or stabbed.” Sam was right. If Dean followed me right now, I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t try to kill him. No. I wouldn’t try to kill him. I loved him. He was my daughter's father. A rational part of me could understand and forgive this whole Mark and Amara bullshit, but right now I was pissed that he kept it from me. I'd known a little. Suspected there was more, but hearing it from Lucifer and Dean confirming that there was more to the story. It hung heavy over me. 

I let my feet take me down to the gun range. I needed to cool off or I was going to be no use to the plans to take down the darkness bitch. I hooked my bluetooth speakers up to my phone and blared music loud enough they could probably hear it back where they were all sitting, but I didn’t care. The Pretty Reckless followed by Halestorm filled the room with music as I looked at my gun with a frown. 

With a sigh I remembered the book I'd read, reminding myself that this was probably a bad idea. I almost wanted to cry from that on its own. Closing my eyes for a minute before I took a few steps before leaning against the cold stone wall and slid down to the equally cool floor. My legs stretched out in front of me, from my angle looking like weird sticks jutting out from my pregnant belly. I leans head back on the wall and closed my eye again. The coolness of the stone and tile seeped through to my overheated skin and helped to calm me. Ground me. 

I’d forgive him. I forgave him for leaving me for Lisa. I forgave him for taking the Mark without telling me. I forgave him for all the shit he did as a Demon and this was nothing compared to that. But this one tore at my heart. He hadn’t cheated. Not really. Not in any real sense of the word or intention. But it felt like it. 

He had a connection so deep with another that he couldn’t kill her. Didn’t want to see her hurt. And he didn’t tell me. And that’s what was eating me up. He didn’t tell me. Which meant that he felt he needed to hide it. It was a secret, when I thought there were none between us. He didn’t trust me with this. It felt like when Sam had hidden his work with the Book of the Damned from me. Circumstances were different but the feeling in my heart was similar.

Part of me could see the smug look that Lucifer was surely wearing on Cass’ face but I didn’t care. I just needed a few minutes to get ahold of my emotions and then I would go upstairs and be the team player I needed to be. I just hadn’t decided how I was going to deal with Dean yet. 

By the time I finally decided it was time to put my big girl panties on and go upstairs my legs were numb and my ass hurt from sitting on the floor. I groaned and fumbled for my phone. I was gonna have to call Sam to help me off the damn floor. 

“Do you need help?”

I jumped out of my skin to see Dean standing there, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. I guess I was going to have to make my decision of what to do with him sooner rather than later. I few years ago if I had had this feeling in my gut, this twisted hurt feeling, I probably would have shot him. Nothing too bad, like in foot or something. But now, now I was old enough to know that course of action never did anyone any good. 

And the look in his eyes made my heart melt and all my anger started to slip away. With a sigh I lifted my arms in response and let him help to my feet. I turned down the music a bit but left it on. Not saying a word. No, he was going to have to start this conversation. 

“I’m sorry.” He said after a few moments. 

“For what?” I prayed my voice wasn’t as shaky as it sounded to my ears. 

“You know…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

I stared at him for several moments. “No. I don’t know what you are sorry for.”

He sighed but I wasn’t going to make this easy for him. He needed to own his mistake, just like he was trying to get Chuck and Lucifer to do just a few hours ago upstairs. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the weird thing with Amara. I… i wanted to tell you. But I didn’t know how and I kept hoping that I was wrong about it all.”

“Is there anything else I need to know?” I struggled to keep my voice calm and stable. 

“I… we… when she was killing priests and I went to go make sure it was her and not something else…” He looked nervous. 

“I remember, that’s when I went with Sam to talk to Lucifer in the cage… and she told you I was pregnant.” I answered slowly. Suddenly very afraid of what he was going to say. 

“Well when she found me, she took me somewhere. I don’t know where.” He started pacing. “She gave me this speech about how we were connected, because of the Mark. That I was part of her or something… and she… we…”

“You slept with her.” It was almost a whisper. My heart ached over the thought. While I was with Sam, in Hell, trying to talk to Lucifer and come up with a plan to end the Darkness. While I was supporting Sam whose soul had been tortured in Hell until he literally went insane as he faced all of those memories again. While I was struggling with the first thoughts that I might be pregnant through all this... And Dean was off with the very reason they were there to begin with, doing who knows what. I'd know he'd seen her, I hadn't known the rest.

“NO!” He said with such force that I jumped and finally looked at him, the baby kicking in response to my anxiety. “No.” This time he was calmer. “She kissed me. That’s it. And I… I didn’t want it.”

I watched him as he walked closer to me. “Toni. I… I never. I mean… I… I love you. I would never betray you in that way. Please believe me.”

“But you didn’t tell me, Dean. That’s what hurts here.” I explained, looking up at him. “You didn’t tell me and that feels like you went behind my back. That you kept something from me. That you didn’t trust me to know.” 

His hands twitched at his sides, like he was struggling not keep his hands to himself. I couldn’t blame him. I wanted so bad to just let him pull me into his arms and hold me. Kiss me and hold me close until all the pain, all the emotions, all the chaos running through my mind calmed down. But I couldn’t. I was upset. Finally, all the lies and omissions of the past year or more, everything that he had kept from me in regards to the Darkness, were being called into the open. And I needed to know, “Is there anything else, Dean?”

He shook his head and took a step towards me. “We’re connected. You knew that part. But… she, I don’t think I can hurt her.” He gulped. “Like I tried. Logically, in my brain, I want to defeat her but when it comes down to it… I can’t. I just can’t make myself do it.”

I nodded, not looking at him, staring at the off white stone walls instead. 

“Toni, please. With… with everything going on. With this battle coming up, I… I can’t have you mad at me. I… I need you by my side. By Sam’s side. We need to be strong together for this.” He argued softly. 

I closed my eyes and let out a long breath that I didn’t really realize I had been holding. “You’re right.”

“I am?” He sounded shocked. 

“Yes. We don’t have the time to be emotional and shit right now.” I walked up to him with deliberate strides. “This argument is not over. We will revisit this once the Darkness is taken care of.” I stared at him for several long moments, debating whether to punch him or slap him or kiss the gorgeous son of a bitch. “I love you, Dean. But don’t lie to me. Don’t keep things from me. Even if you think it’s for my own good or whatever. I can’t and won’t put up with it. I didn’t before and I definitely won’t do it now.” 

He nodded. “Never again, Toni. I swear.” 

I nodded and raised up on my toes and kissed him, my fingers gripped the front of his shirt and poured all my emotions, the good and the bad, into the kiss. My teeth nipped at his lower lip and he growled into my mouth. His hands cupped my face before sliding up into my hair, pulling it from the ponytail and tangling his fingers in the red strands. I moaned into the kiss before willing myself to pull back. I looked up into his eyes and saw the love reflected there. “Let’s go take care of this bitch.”

 

\----


	33. Chapter 33

I stood in a cemetery, belly round and heavy, my feet and back aching, and tears streaming down my cheeks. Sobs threatened to bubble up my throat. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening… again!

Dean and Sam were talking quietly. Saying goodbye. Dean was sacrificing himself… again. And I didn’t see how he could possibly get out of it this time. In order to stop Amara, The Darkness, from ending the world, Rowena had put a bomb of souls inside my lover’s chest. Its was our only hope, our only idea, for ending this once and for all. And it meant that I was going to lose him. Sam was going to lose his brother. My daughter was going to lose a father. 

I couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore. I just couldn’t do it. My knees buckled under me as I squeezed my eyes shut. Once upon a time, I didn’t cry like this. Wouldn’t let myself. But love and, now pregnancy hormones, had wiped away that ability to be stoic and emotionless. I never reached the ground. Arms caught me and pulled me close. 

I looked up at Dean through salty tears and another round of sobs followed. His hand came up to cup my cheek. “Hey. It’ll be okay….”

I shook my head violently and hit him in the chest. “No. No it won’t. Don’t tell me that ‘I'll have Sam’ or that ‘everything will work out.’ Because it won’t. Because you won’t be here. I won’t have you. Our daughter won’t have you. We were supposed to be in this together, remember. The three of us together. Raising our daughter, living our lives. But you’re leaving me… again!”

My whole body shook as I buried my face in his chest. His arms tightened around me and for a moment I could pretend. Pretend that this was actually all a dream. That I would wake up, warm and snuggled between Sam and Dean. Both of them holding me, loving me. 

But that wasn’t the case. I heard someone, i don’t know who, call Dean’s name. And my lover sighed. Gently he pulled back and kissed me. I could feel his love in that kiss. Years of love and pain, of happiness and sorrow, I poured all my emotions into the kiss as I returned his. My arms wrapped around his neck, pressing myself as close as I could with my pregnant belly between us. He pulled back and I stared into his green eyes. “I love you.” I choked out.

He flashed me a grin, it was the same one that made me melt every time, and it made me want to start crying again because I knew I'd never see it again. “I love you, too, Princess.” He kissed me lightly one more time before dropping to his knees. His hands lay lightly on either side of my belly, his lips touched right over my navel and I heard him speak softly. “I love you too. Im sorry. I'm so sorry that I'll never meet you. But… if I don't do this, you won't get to exist at all. Please… please understand. Mommy and Sammy, your other daddy, they will take care of you.” He kissed my belly again before standing again and pulling me into another desperate kiss. 

He flung himself away from me after that. Like if he didn't go now… then he never would. I watched as Dean walked to the Impala and slammed the door after sliding in. As he drove off I felt Sam's arms come around me and I collapsed into him, my legs unable to hold me, as I watched Dean drive away. 

\----

I don't really know how long it was before we moved, but eventually Sam lifted me into his arms. It would amaze me later that the extra baby weight didn't phase him at all. I stared out the window, emotions completely shutting down as Sam drove myself and Cass, now just Cass and not possessed by Lucifer, back to the bunker. I didn't shake out if it until we had parked and Sam came around to where I sat. He opened the door and knelt in front of me. Eyes worried as he looked up at me. 

“Toni. Come on. Let's… let's get you a bath and then… we can just….” He sighed. “I'll make sure to take care of you, Toni. I…. I don't know what we are going to do. And without Dean…. I…. “

Gently I leaned forward and placed my forehead against his. We sat like that for a while, both with our eyes closed. Just breathing. “I love you, Sam.”

He made a heart wrenching sound before repeating the words. “Okay. Let's get you downstairs.” 

He helped me up and together we headed into the bunker, Cass close behind.

We barely made it down the stairs when it became obvious that something was wrong. A blonde woman stood in the entryway to the library, blood dripping from her palm. 

“Hello, hello.” She said before placing her hand on a sigil on the wall. I screamed as Cass was banished from the bunker.

 

Sam glared at the woman, immediately placing his body between myself and her. Instinctively, he reached for his gun.

“Don't.” The woman said, her voice ringing authoritatively off the stone walls. “Sam and Antoinette Winchester. “The name’s Toni Bevell. Men of Letters, London Chapterhouse. Oh, you won't have heard of me—us. We're very traditional. Keep out of the way, keep to our studies.”

“You, um…”

“What?” I blurted out. Who the hell was this bitch? I'd just lost Dean, now some crazy woman was in our home aiming guns at Sam. And what was up with calling me a Winchester? Cause last I checked, that wasn't my last name despite the length of my relationship with the guys and the baby I carried. I was seriously getting pissed off at everything.

Toni, the not-me Toni, inclined her head. “They sent me to take you in.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “Take me in?”

“As many of you as possible. Assuming the world didn't end, and— Yay.” I wanted to gag, her british accent grating on my very thin nerves.

“Look, lady..” Sam started.

“We've been watching you, Sam. What you three have done, the damage you've caused...archangels, Leviathans, the Darkness, and now, well... the old men have decided enough's enough. I mean, let's face it, Sam. You're just jumped-up hunters playing with things you don't understand and doing more harm than good. Now, where's Dean?”

“Dead.” I answered before Sam could, and I could almost feel him struggle not to turn towards me. But he kept his eyes on the woman… The woman who dared have the same name as me. Bitch. 

“Listen, lady. I don't know who the hell you are or what the hell you want..” Sam said as he started to walk towards the woman.

“Stop.” She commanded as Sam took a few more steps forward.

“Put the gun down.” He said. 

“I said stop.” She reaffirmed her grip on her gun. “If you value your life, her's, or the child she carries.”

“You and I both know you're not gonna pull the trigger.” Sam argued as he took another step closer.

The gunshot rang through the bunker. It seemed louder than it probably was for some reason. Time seemed to slow around me as I watched Sam fall. I rushed forward and fell to my knees. The worst running through my head. I'd just lost Dean I could lose Sam too.

“Now. If you'll be more cooperative now, we can get on our way.” The Men of Letters bitch smirked down at me and I wanted nothing more than to ring her neck with my bare hands.

\----


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 12 starts and I don't much like that bitch that shares my name...

The british bitch who shared my nickname locked me in a small but comfortable room. It would probably be considered a den or something. It had a couch and a could of lamps on an end table. My wrists were cuffed behind my back and I'd been dumped unceremoniously down on the couch. Just a few months ago I would have been able to wiggle and get out of the handcuffs, but things were different. 

All the changes that pregnancy causes to your body, you're just not able to move like you used to. And I'd let myself get out of practice. Not going on hunts had made me just as slow as the actual pregnancy had. 

I don't know where she had taken Sam and that made me even more worried. I struggled to my feet and waddled through the room, looking for any clue, any idea where we were or even a paperclip that maybe I could use to get free. Once upon a time, I'd had one seen into the cuff if my flannel shirts. But they didn't fit right now so I'd stopped wearing them. 

I tried praying to Castiel. Tried praying to God. But no one answered. I didn't even know if God was still… alive. What happened with Dean… I didn't know the details. 

So all I had was Sam… who was somewhere….

I heard a scream. Sam's scream. And I cried out, kicking at the door, trying to get through it. 

I kicked and slammed my shoulder against it but it refused to budge. I don't know how long I tried before I sank to the floor. My back against the couch watching the door as I cried, listening to his screams. 

I must have passed out at some point because I awoke, laying on the couch. My hands were uncuffed and there was food and water on the low coffee table. 

“Oh, I'm glad to see you are awake.” A British accented voice startled me and I sat up abruptly and glares at the blonde woman. She sat, prim and proper in a chair a few feet away from me. 

“What the fuck do you want?” I growled.

“Now now. Really. There is no need for hostility.”

“Bullshit.” I spat. “You invaded our home. Banished my best friend. Shot my… my Sam. Kidnapped us. And I've heard him screaming for hours. Clearly, hostility is already on the table.”

She sighed. “You American hunters are so…”

I rolled my eyes and stood. “You won't be able to get through the door so you might as well sit. It's a miracle you haven't stressed out your baby to dangerous levels already.”

My hand landed protectively over my belly. I was greeted with a soft kick and I knew she was alright. However, the crazy bitch had a bit of a point, so I sank back onto the couch. “What do you want?”

“I want to know all your contacts. All the American hunters.”

I laughed. “Right. Let me just fish out my rolodex.”

“I see that you are going to be just as difficult and the Winchester.” She tapped her pen. “I don't want to hurt you or your baby, Antoinette.”

I scowled. “Then let me and my child's father go and I'll try to keep him from coming back to kill you.”

She tilted her head. “I thought the other one was the father. Interesting.”

“It's both complicated and none of your damn business.”

“But it is my business. You American hunters have caused chaos all over this country. Letting monsters run rampant. How many Apocalypses have your started?”

“Hey! We always fixed it!”

“They never should have happened to begin with. You are reckless and dangerous.” her phone rang and she sighed, glancing at it. “Well I need to end this little chat. Think on things, Antoinette. We can help you.” 

She stood and pulled a gun from under her jacket and leveled it at my belly. I sighed because she was right in her assumption. I would try anything with a gun pointed at my baby. Dammit. Who ever said having a baby would be a good idea? Cause I was gonna punch them, then make them babysit.

\---

 

I don't know how long I was in that room. I found a small bathroom through a door opposite the door to the hall, and I couldn't have been more grateful with baby Winchester bouncing on my bladder. It was mostly empty, just the necessary essentials. The rest of the den was the same. Windows too small to crawl through. Nothing to really fight with. And I didn't know if I'd risk it. Only a few months ago I would have broken anything to fashion into a weapon and taken on the bitch. But now… now I was slow, cumbersome, and fearful for my baby's life. I couldn't afford to be reckless like I used to be. I'd already lost Dean… I couldn't lose the baby too.

I'd stopped hearing Sam's screams and I didn't know if that was better or worse. So I ate the food on the table and waited, biting my nails down to blunt nubs in my anxiety. 

I'd fallen asleep on the couch again when the gunshots and ruckus startled me awake. I stared wide eyes at the door and tried to listen. I couldn't hear what was happening, just that there was chaos happening down where Sam's screams had come from. I cried and started banging on the door again. 

“Sam!” My voice was hoarse but eventually I slumped back to the floor, alarms wrapped around my belly, the baby moving and kicking against my hand. 

When the door opened, my heart stopped. 

“Dean?”

\---


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!   
> Enjoy!

The rumble of the Impala was soothing and I hovered on the edge of consciousness, just letting the familiar feel of it ease my body and soul. Of course that ease was short lived. Baby Winchester was nothing if not exactly like her father's, incapable of sitting still. A tiny movement had me very awake and very aware that I needed to pee. With full awakeness, came the memories. 

I sat up as fast as I could and took in my surroundings. Sam was wrapped in a blanket next to me on the seat. I evidently had been leaning against him. He looked horrible, not wounded, just exhausted with dark bags under his eyes and a pain expression in his sleep, but he was alive. Immediately, I snapped my eyes to the driver seat and couldn't breathe once more. 

I stared at the back of his head in shock. I couldn't believe it. His eyes caught mine in the mirror and he flashed a smile at me. 

“Pull over.” Was all I said. 

He raised an eyebrow in amused shock. He glanced at the passenger side before back to me. “Toni…”

“I swear to God, and I know the fucker, if you don't pull over right now…”

He raised one hand in surrender and pulled the Impala off the side of the road and put the car in park. I scurried out of the back seat and waited for him to step out. “Toni… i…”

I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging to him. He hand to bend at a funny angle due to my height and belly but he returned the embrace with equal fervor. He buried his face in my hair while I cried. “I thought you were dead…” I whispered when I'd stopped openly sobbing. 

“I know…” He whispered back. “But I'm here. And I'll explain everything once we get back home.” 

I nodded and started back to the car. For the first time, I noticed a blonde woman sitting in the passenger seat. So focused on Sam and Dean, I had completely overlooked her existence. I stopped short, almost recognizing her but i had to be wrong. I glanced over my shoulder at Dean who offered me a small smile. “Mom.” He said softly. “Like I said, I’ll explain…”

“Right.” I moved to get back into the back seat of the Impala. 

The woman looked up at me immediately and started to move. “Here. I’m betting the front will be more comfortable for you right now.” 

I blinked and looked back and forth between where Sam was asleep and where Dean stood. “I… no. I’m good. I promise.” Glancing once again at Dean, “How far until home? I need to pee.”

He chuckled in response. “I’ll find you a clean bathroom, princess.”   
I stuck my tongue out at him before flashing my best smile at… Mary Fucking Winchester…. Shit, things just kept getting odder and odder. And for us, that was saying something. 

 

\---

 

Sam wasn't physically hurt. Cass had healed him, but he was wary and he couldn't hide the effects of his torture from his eyes. “I'm fine.” He grumbled as we exited the Impala and headed into the bunker. 

“Physically, maybe. But don't give me that bullshit about being 'fine.’ i've known your ass for too long. I know you aren't fine.” I admonished. As we reached the end of the stairs, I found myself torn. Dean followed with his mother and part of me didn't want to leave his side. If I left and turned down the hall with Sam, would Dean still be there when I returned? I'd had the same problem when we'd stopped so I could use the bathroom of a mostly clean Gas n Sip. 

Dean flashed me a smile and stopped to kiss me, a hand on my belly, rubbing gently, before passing us. He led the way down the hall, his mother following him as he led her to a room she could stay in. The older Winchester knew me so well. Knew my fears probably more than I did. Sam wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close as we watched the two other family members walk down the hall.

“I'm having the same problem.” He said. 

“Hmmmm?” I looked up at him, his eyes were focused down the hall for a moment before turning his gaze to meet mine. 

“Like maybe they aren't real. That it's an illusion or you're about to wake up and they'll be gone.” His voice sounded, odd. Sad or worried. I couldn't tell. 

I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. “I have you both back. C'mon, let's get you out of those clothes.”

He raised an amused brow at me and I smacked him lightly. “Not like that, you horn dog.”

He chuckled and we headed towards his room. I helped him change and he helped me. I settled into the pillows and held him close to me, making sure to leave Dean's spot empty for when he joined his. He would. It was only a matter of time.

“I heard you,” I whispered to Sam. He looked at me sharply from where he lay, half sprawled on me. His head on my breast and his legs over my own. “I heard you screaming.” 

He sighed and didn't say anything, just hugged me closer. We didn't speak. We didn't need to. Instead we just lay there listening to each other breathe, my hands playing with his hair, his drawing patterns over my belly. Dean came in a little while later. He was quiet too as he stripped down to his boxers and climbed in on his side of the bed. 

While Sam was basically cuddled into my arms, Dean pulled me into his. I'm sure that we were an interesting sight to see if anyone were to walk in. But I didn't care. I clung to them both as much as they clung to me. Our little weird family. 

It took several moments before I spoke. “So… your mom?”

Dean snorted. “That's your first question?”

“Yep.” I answered, squeezing his arm. “You’re a Winchester. I'm not sure how you survived and the world didn't end, but I'm not…. Shocked, I guess. So my first question is about the woman who's been dead for over 30 years. And I'm guessing the two stories are interconnected.”

Sam didn't move or speak but I knew he was awake. Just listening. I ran my fingers through his hair and he made a soft sound. At some point I was going to have to get him to tell me what happened to him. Just how bad it had been. But not right now. 

“Yea… so the short version is Chuck and Amara made up. They've gone off to do sibling bonding of some sort. But before they left Amara said that she wanted to give me what I needed most. I walked out of the weird ass garden and there was Mom. Just standing there.” Dean explained. 

“Wow.”

“Yep.”

“She's a badass too.” Sam said from his position. “She took on that bitch when Dean and I were tied up.”

I spun my head to Dean. “You got your ass caught?!” 

He huffed. “You fainted.”

“Did not.” I retorted. 

“Did too, watched you do it. I didn't know you were that much of a girl.” Dean teased.

I growled at him and punched him hard in the shoulder. “After i push this watermelon out of my vagina, I'm gonna kick your ass.”

He laughed and it felt good to hear. I could see the smile tugging at Sam's lips as well. We settled back down after a few minutes. “I thought I'd lost you… both of you.” I said softly. 

They shifted and both hugged me closer as I tried not to cry. 

\---

Exhausted, we all slept like the dead and I was incredibly sore by the time baby girl Winchester decided to start bouncing. Not having moved for several hours, it was an unpleasant experience, convincing my back, legs, and arms to move. But I managed to crawl out from between the two men I loved and head down the hall to the bathroom. There are many things I liked about the bunker. It was safe, and spacious. There were lots of books and resources. We had changed out the mattresses to something more comfortable and I’d convinced Sam and Dean to add a few other homey comforts around the place. But the one thing we couldn’t change, was the location of the damn bathrooms. 

I barely made it, grumbling the whole way, before deciding to shower since I was there. It would have taken too much effort to walk all the way back to the bedroom, then back again. That wasn’t happening, I didn’t have the energy. Was it possible to get the guys to move the bedroom closer to the bathroom? Surely that would make more sense… especially with the baby on the way. Thankfully there were towels and robes still in the closet. I showered and it felt heavenly. 

I towelled off and headed back to the bedroom. Sam was still asleep but Dean was gone by the time I got back. Quickly, I dressed in leggings and one of Sam’s flannel shirts, even those weren’t actually too big anymore. Dammit, I was fat. Pregnant, yes. But still fat. 

Dean was in the Kitchen drinking coffee at the table, lost in thought. He looked up at me as I walked in. “Hey Beautiful.” 

I smiled softly and let him pull me between his legs. I bent as best I could and kissed him, giggling a little I kissed him again. “You taste good.”

He laughed, real joy in his eyes. “Did you just kiss me so you could taste the coffee?”

“You don’t understand! This sucks! No coffee, no beer, no soda or energy drinks! It’s seriously a miracle I stay awake at all!” I complained dramatically. “But then, I can’t sleep half the time because you spawned a gymnast or something!”

He laughed again and pulled me for a kiss and I moaned into his mouth. Whether it was at the taste of coffee or just him, I’d never tell. I was still in his arms when Sam wandered in, his hair still a disaster and dark bags under his eyes. Holding an arm out to him, he slid behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist, large hands splayed over my stomach, and burying his face in my hair.   
We were quiet like that for a few minutes. Just existing. That seemed to be all we could do right now. Exist in each other’s presence. With everything that had happened in the last few months, there weren’t really words to express the level of emotion that we were all feeling and just being was enough for now. 

“Dean?” I asked, running my hands through his hair. He made a noise but he kept his forehead pressed against my stomach. “What did you tell your mom? About us, I mean.”

He looked up at me, eyes searching mine. “I… I didn't really have time to tell her much. Looking for you and Sam, that took up a lot of my time.” 

Worrying my lip, I stepped out of their embrace and made my way to the fridge. Breakfast, I needed breakfast.

“You're upset?” Dean was confused. I didn't blame him, I was too. I'd never had to worry about what my lovers’ mother thought if me. It had never been a concern. Now I found myself worrying, what did she think of me? What would she think when she learned everything? I wasn't married to either of her son, but was sleeping with both, and having one's baby. 

“It's probably the hormones.” I answered, not looking at either of them. 

“That doesn't mean you aren't upset.” Sam replied. “Talk to us. We can figure out what's wrong.”

“I… fuck it sounds horrible. But I never had to worry if my boyfriends’ mother was going to like me.” I focused on making my oatmeal. “I..  
I'm glad she's back. That's amazing! Our baby gets to have a grandparent after all… but… I sound like such a self centered bitch. She's your mom and that affects you all far more than it does me and here I am bringing you down over it.”

Gentle but firm hands turned me around and I was staring at two Winchester chests, not willing to look at their faces. If I did I might actually cry. “I'm sure she'll love you.” Sam said tilting my chin up to look at him before kissing me gently.

“Yea. And our relationship status is probably a step or two behind the fact that she has two sons in their 30s. But regardless, it'll all work out and we'll figure it out. I… I know she was happy when I told her about the baby.” Dean added, kissing me as well. 

I closed my eyes. “I know. It's stupid.” 

“It's not.” Sam answered, those big puppy dog eyes shining. “I get it. What if she doesn't like me? I haven't even gotten to talk to her yet. Not really.” He kissed my forehead. “We'll figure it out.”

I nodded and kissed them each once more just as the kettle started to whistle. I took a deep breath. “First step. Breakfast.”

They laughed and went about their own breakfast routines and I just crossed my fingers that dealing with Momma Winchester would go over well.

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think?  
> Please leave comments, kudos, and suggestions!


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